Platonic Valentine's Gift
I have a female friend who is a bit down at the moment, having lost a parent. She's unattached, and I know she's going to be alone on the 14th.

I would like to give/do something for her that says "I care about you as a friend" without in any way impying anything more, because I just don't want to go there.

As usual, I lack the empathatic gene that falls off when you get a Y chromosone, so I have no idea where to start. Suggestions please.
(ragged, Tue 10 Feb 2009, 15:03, 41 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

long hot bath and a rub down

( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 10 Feb 2009, 15:04, Reply)

Porn

Nothing says cheer up like porn.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 10 Feb 2009, 15:05, Reply)

booze

( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 10 Feb 2009, 15:06, Reply)

Aw! you're lovely.
Trust me, with women any little gift would be very much appreciated as it's the sentiment that's important. Just give a card with the gift explaining your desire just to cheer her up a bit and feel loved.
( girlinthehole, Tue 10 Feb 2009, 15:07, Reply)

a length of beef truncheon
or failing that, nothing says friendship like a bag of shaved weasels
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 10 Feb 2009, 15:11, Reply)

scratch and sniff fart card

( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 10 Feb 2009, 15:14, Reply)

don't do it
i did that, platonic friend freaked out thinking i was hitting on her, all went to shit, much stress hassle and grief later we are no longer communicating.

Take her out and get her drunk, get here a dvd or album of her favourite band but don't for the love of god buy anything valentines related
(Halfy By light alone, Tue 10 Feb 2009, 15:19, Reply)

Food is always good.
Put together a smallish picnic-type bunch of food, some wine, some chocolate and some flowers (NOT roses) and bring it to her with the card BGB suggested. That should give her the warm fuzzies without feeling that you're trying to bed her. It shows that you care (you're feeding her) but that you're being platonic (not staying around to eat it with her).

It's a damned fine line to tread, though. Good luck.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Tue 10 Feb 2009, 15:20, Reply)

I'll agree with Halfy and Loon
I think trying to do it on Valentine's Day may run the risk of sending the wrong signals...

Good idea in principle but I'd think about the timing.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Tue 10 Feb 2009, 15:24, Reply)

I agree 100% with Halfy
...it could go hideously wrong if it's misconstrued.

By all means invite her out for a boozy pub night or something though.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Tue 10 Feb 2009, 15:27, Reply)

How on earth can it be misconstrued if he declares his intensions are nothing but friendly.
I bloody wish some of my male friends in the past had done the same thing.
( girlinthehole, Tue 10 Feb 2009, 15:29, Reply)

Because...
...have been there done that and suffered for it.

I'm not suggesting he ignores her on the day though, going out on the lash or doing something fun is an excellent plan. Very noble too.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Tue 10 Feb 2009, 15:31, Reply)

You should say,
"Do you want to go out and get pissed on saturday whilst sneering at smug loved-up fucks?"

Should make matters nice and clear.
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Tue 10 Feb 2009, 15:33, Reply)

Ah yes
forgot to mention the small but important detail that we live about 1000 miles apart, so it will be a "gift and a card through the post" rather than a personal delivery. I just need something with a "care about you" factor of 100 and a "trying to get into your knickers" factor of 0.
(ragged, Tue 10 Feb 2009, 15:38, Reply)

BGB
what you are asking there is:

"How could a woman take something a man does the wrong way, even if he says otherwise?"

I invite you to consider that remark while us men guffaw at how silly you are :-)
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 10 Feb 2009, 15:39, Reply)

Question solved.
There is nothing that says I just want to be your friend more than the fact that you live 1000 miles apart.

@Vipros - maybe you're all meeting the wrong women.
( girlinthehole, Tue 10 Feb 2009, 15:41, Reply)

Instead of Interflora...
...there needs to be some kind of Intabooza.

Say it with a bottle of scotch.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Tue 10 Feb 2009, 15:42, Reply)

what vipros said
1000 miles eh? that makes it trickier.

A bottle of plonk and an order to open it at a certain time, then you can get long distance drunk together and text utter bollocks, it surprisingly does work to cheer people up!
(Halfy By light alone, Tue 10 Feb 2009, 15:45, Reply)

Then I re-state my previous suggestion.
Food is always good. Get some good chocolate to send, some posh biscuits (as BGB calls them, fancy cookies to the rest of the world), and a few other foodstuffs and mail 'em with a card. More than likely FTD has a pre-selected gift basket you can have sent.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Tue 10 Feb 2009, 15:47, Reply)

Send her some of your skin

That way when she is down she can use it as a comfort blanket.

Also peeling off your own skin really shows that you care and by being horribly disfigured she won't want to go out with you.

Win - Win
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 10 Feb 2009, 15:49, Reply)

Thanks for the suggestions
I think food/chocolate is probably the best idea, with a jaunty card. I quite like the "having a drink over messenger" idea too.

BTW I call them biscuits too. And what is FTD?
(ragged, Tue 10 Feb 2009, 15:53, Reply)

try
hotel chocolat for nice chocs - you can't go wrong with their stuff, and they normally have a wide selection of non-seasonal gifts (i.e. not pink). Plus, a card saying you care about her as a friend - that should make anyone feel nice.

Although if she is a really close friend and you have some in-jokes (like films you both like, or a song you both enjoy), then that could be a good route to go down
( ascorbate, Tue 10 Feb 2009, 15:54, Reply)

long distance drinking together is the way
BGB: I love my other half to bits. Couldn't imagine anyone better. and yet she still manages to take things the wrong way, even when I explain otherwise!
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 10 Feb 2009, 15:55, Reply)

@Vipros.
It must just be me then. I'm missing the 'I don't believe you meant it that way' gene.

I'm defected : (
( girlinthehole, Tue 10 Feb 2009, 16:02, Reply)

VIPROS!! HAHA! THAT'S YOUR STORY AND YOU'RE STICKING TO IT YA DIRTY BASTARD!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAH!
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Tue 10 Feb 2009, 16:07, Reply)

FTD
www.ftd.com/

It may be an American company, though- I don't know if they deliver over there. But I'm sure you have something similar...

@BGB: here's a sample of what Vipros was talking about: wilk4.com/humor/humorm238.htm

I find that often women are so used to doing this sort of doublespeak that they automatically assume that men are doing the same, so the slightest offhand remark can get twisted into something truly awful on the path from his mouth to her brain. The fact that you don't do this speaks volumes in your favor.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Tue 10 Feb 2009, 16:08, Reply)

why not
send her something to get there the day before or the day after, like a book, dvd etc, then ring her on the day?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 10 Feb 2009, 16:18, Reply)

General rule for all you ladies
If we say something that can interpreted in two ways then we meant it the nice way.

End of story, now get back in the kitchen.*


*where I prepared some cookies, please don't leave me I don't know how to dress myself
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 10 Feb 2009, 16:19, Reply)

BGB: what the loon says
you must be a refreshing person to be around!

@Baz: silence, you filthy pervert
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 10 Feb 2009, 16:37, Reply)

I have the opposite problem
I'm thinking of getting a half dozen roses sent to her work,
(PsychoChomp, Tue 10 Feb 2009, 16:44, Reply)

I did this once
And i sent her a picture of my erect cock and her name written down the side. It worked. She's been planning how to reply for over 7 years now, not heard much but I'm fairly sure that whatever she comes up with will be amazing.
( I have run out of coke is a little sweaty, Tue 10 Feb 2009, 16:51, Reply)

what a nice dilemma to have
What about a lovely parcel consisting of lots of lovely things to unwrap like: a mix tape, big bag of Haribo sweets, copy of Cosmo, packet of cigs (if she's a smoker, obviously not if she's not), a scratchcard, a bath bomb from Lush and one of those Edward Monkton books about how ace it is to be friends or something like that.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 10 Feb 2009, 16:58, Reply)

ooh! be very careful about a mixtape
a mixtape is strictly for panty invasion.
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Tue 10 Feb 2009, 17:13, Reply)

Not if the mix tape
is full of death metal
( Mellicious is made of candy, Tue 10 Feb 2009, 17:19, Reply)

I want a friend who sends me thing like HLT suggests
I usually send something from doughdough.com but they're looking a bit sickly this year. How about proposing a non-valentines day and hang out together getting drunk with no ulterior motive?
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 10 Feb 2009, 17:20, Reply)

Also
Chocolate could be viewed as being more romantic, whereas normal sweets could be more lighthearted and friendly
( Mellicious is made of candy, Tue 10 Feb 2009, 17:20, Reply)

sorry, I meant to write
a mix tape of comedy sketches
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 10 Feb 2009, 17:29, Reply)

Are we talking Full English Transport Café breakfast?
Or some kind of muffin abomination?

For there are some places a true Englishman would never go.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 10 Feb 2009, 23:57, Reply)

what about
a good book. I know it might not sound exciting, but a nice feel good story will cheer anyone up. Also, she won't see any romantic connection. Sorry it's a boring suggestion, but that's what I would like. Then again, I'm a bloke, so I'm probably wrong
(knackerz is skinning up, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 4:11, Reply)

How about...
...sending her a link to this thread, asking her what she would choose.

I can't think of a better way of showing your real, true, unambiguous feelings and getting it right.
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 10:41, Reply)