On the way in this morning,
I spotted a poster advertising concerts by Kenny G, pioneer of the most pathetic, wanky excuse for pretend jazz you've ever heard. (Which can be broadly be described by the "genre" known as Smooth Jazz. *shudders*)

And fuck me diagonally if he doesn't look like the smuggest cunt who ever slobbered into a soprano saxophone.

So...Kenny G - the Robbie Williams of jazz? Discuss.

Failing that, which other musicians would you like to smack in the mouth? I could do with a nice thread of hatred. Please try to transform your anger into some sort of vitriolic witticism.

EDIT: The mention of smooth jizz has also reminded me of the sad decline of Jazz FM into a pile of wank before it eventually came clean and renamed itself Smooth FM. Can anyone recommend a decent jazz radio station?
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 25 Mar 2009, 10:43, 18 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Easy.
Mick Hucknall.

Simply because he's a cunt.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 25 Mar 2009, 11:03, Reply)

Only one...

Well I guess it would have to be Marty Pellow, the smug cunt.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 25 Mar 2009, 11:05, Reply)

Curtis Stigers
I'd happily cunt him in the fuck
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 25 Mar 2009, 11:26, Reply)

U2
those fucking smug, sanctimonious pricks (well, mainly Boner and the Edge)

best rock band in the world? fuck right off. they are shit. They haven't come out with a song that is even within spitting distance of good in 20 years.

People who like U2 are all cunts.

South Park got it right when they said that Bono was a big walking talking turd.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 25 Mar 2009, 11:30, Reply)

...
I know someone who admits that "smooth jazz" is his preferred sort of music. Can't remember for the life of me who it is, though - so I don't know whom to avoid.

Whom would I kill? There's sooooo many. William Walton. Handel. Charles and Eddie - I would not only lie to you, I'd cunt you in the fuck. Sash! (ffs). Actually, anyone who makes "club friendly" music, and anyone who thinks that classical music needs to be made "relevant" by the addition of a drum machine.

Decent jazz? Radio 3.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Wed 25 Mar 2009, 11:41, Reply)

U2 must indeed die
Ideally in a mid-air collision with a plane carrying Elton John (he really makes my teeth itch, that cunt), REM, Moby, the Bedingfields, Jimmy Sommerville, Bruce Fucking Springsteen and Bob Fucking Dylan. Piloted by that smug smackhead bell end from Wet Wet Wet whose visage alone makes me shake with rage. *EDIT* Pellow -thanks NakedApe.

That would be a happy day - unlike the sad occasion The Big Bopper was taken from us.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 25 Mar 2009, 11:54, Reply)

Oh, baby, you know what I like!

(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 25 Mar 2009, 11:55, Reply)

An often-overlooked wizard, the old Bopper...
My father raised me on surf records and vintage rock'n'roll.

I love that shit. Saw Andy Weatherall doing an obscure rockabilly DJ set in a Shoreditch pub recently. It was fucking ACE.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 25 Mar 2009, 11:58, Reply)

James Blunt
for obvious reasons
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Wed 25 Mar 2009, 12:15, Reply)

Brandon Flowers has an inflated sense of his own ego...

In fact any of the NME phoney-rocking twat "men" these days who wear *shudders to say it* "guyliner"..
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Wed 25 Mar 2009, 12:15, Reply)

Can I point you
over here?

www.southparkstudios.com/clips/151775

And as for U2...

What's the difference between God and Bono?

God doesn't swan around the world thinking he's Bono.
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Wed 25 Mar 2009, 12:31, Reply)

Noooo, not Brandon Flowers
I don't care what he's like as a person as I'm unlikely to meet him, but I love his voice.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 25 Mar 2009, 13:02, Reply)

That Lily Allen
looks like she could do with a good fisting repetitive punch in the cervix.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 25 Mar 2009, 13:17, Reply)

Anyone who sings R & B.
They can cunt themselves in the fuck as far as I'm concerned.

I'd rather be stuck in a room with Bertmonkeysex dosed up on viagra than listen to one mintute of that drivel.
( girlinthehole, Wed 25 Mar 2009, 13:17, Reply)

Lars Ulrich
Single-handedly removed millions of fans by being a whiny Napster-hating bitch.
Now, he has a you-tube channel where he thanks his remaining (eleven) fans for buying their new album.
Dunno if anyone saw 'Some Kind of Monster', where he sells off all his artwork... Like he knows what art is, if it's not a financial investment.
Smug wanking cocknose.
The worst bit? He kicks ass on drums.
(w4I4q1O1 was hard at work on, Wed 25 Mar 2009, 13:18, Reply)

BGB
Oi! That's hurtful. Fair, but hurtful all the same.

Who would I punch...? That operatic twat who's at number one right now, she was on the X Factor or some shite, her name's Tawny or Tawry or Tawdry or something equally wanky.

Go and fuck off to fuck, you vocally talented mingebasket.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 25 Mar 2009, 13:25, Reply)

Jools Fucking Holland
I really hope it turns out he's not really playing that piano. God I hate the man!
(Dangerous Disco Trev Isn't my real name, Wed 25 Mar 2009, 13:36, Reply)

Some artists labelled as "smooth" jazz are good,
Chet Baker springs to mind. To be honest I hate the label of any relaxing jazz piece being 'smooth', that word has so many bad connotations.
(The Oscillating Gibbon is eating curried squid, Wed 25 Mar 2009, 16:51, Reply)