No thread? You fucking slackers


Today I am mainly ill and need lots of sympathy and tea but I have had to drag myself into work as it's too busy atm for me not to be here *sad face*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 9:11, 111 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Morning.
Hope you feel better soon.

I also do not want to be in work, but only because I couldn't get to sleep last night and feel like crap now.
( gareth_alien will be human again at, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 9:15, Reply)

Yo Gareth
I had loadsof trouble sleeping last night. But I think it was due to the coughing and my head feeling like it was caving in :(
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 9:16, Reply)

Yeah,
That'd do it.
( gareth_alien will be human again at, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 9:18, Reply)

I just noticed
Does B3ta not move over to BST?

Seems overly slack to me.
( gareth_alien will be human again at, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 9:19, Reply)

Morning TGB
Sucks to be you. :-)
Is it the flu? A hot lemony drink will help.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 9:22, Reply)

I don't like hot lemony drinks :(
I have more black tea though. My boss is being annoying working out loads of figures loudly. I may have to punch her in the face
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 9:27, Reply)

Do it!
Punch her and eat her delicious brain-meats.
( Cawl, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 9:31, Reply)

Morning everyone!
Brussels is suprisingly sunny today, therefore I have to stay inside all day! :-(

I'm just sitting here waiting for my co-worker to arrive in Luxembourg so we can test the connection there to here. Until he arrives I've got nothing to do.

*Watches Heroes on laptop*
(bill, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 9:36, Reply)

It was
a bit nippy this morning and I'm working at Solihull plant today, so naturally my hi-vis was the natural choice of wear when i was driving in this morning.

Like Friday, everybody behaved impeccably on the M40. My Jag and my Focus never had this effect...
( rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 9:40, Reply)

haha
Officer Duckie!

Kaol I am getting seriously close to hitting someone and the only person here is Geroge and he doesn't annoy me. Also he'd probably punch me back....
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 9:42, Reply)

Bill
I read that as *watches Herpes on laptop*

TGB - lack of sleep makes me really cranky too.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 9:51, Reply)

Hiii!
TGB - get well soon! it's no fair being sick!
/huggles everyone in the room.

speaking of being cranky when you're tired I am too! I discovered how bitchy I can be yesterday in target :) Two little harlots walked past me bitching about another girl (who I know), calling her a slut. These girls were wearing shorts so short they looked more like undies and big singlets that had their tits out and makeup so thick it was cracked.
And I just said loud enough for them to hear "You little sluts can't talk about her when you're dressed like that".
They turned around and gave me the filthiest looks. I laughed in their faces. Then turned away and abused them soundly under my breath and reduced my mum to tears of laughter.
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 30 Mar 2009, 9:57, Reply)

I'm always cranky :p
I'm watching the Windows file copy animation. Fly my pretties FLLLYYY!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 10:02, Reply)

wow
sure your skin ain't green TGB?
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 30 Mar 2009, 10:03, Reply)

It isn't.
Well, the bits I've seen weren't.
Unless she's IN DISGUISE.
Hmmm...
( Cawl, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 10:09, Reply)

Good morning all
Christ there's a lot of moaning about the current question. But in other news, it's a lovely, quiet morning in Fujitsu land.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Mon 30 Mar 2009, 10:10, Reply)

You're not cranky after a few drinks
Perhaps you have too much blood in your alcohol-stream.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 10:10, Reply)

Kaol
Are you suggesting TGB is really a Skrull?
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 10:15, Reply)

I have had that song about Narwals being awesome in my head all weekend

So that you may all share the joy of having a song stuck in your head I would just like to say...













SPOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 10:15, Reply)

Evening Mongs.
I hope you're behaving yourselves.
( thealternativefact, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 10:17, Reply)

Skrull?
Nah!
I think it was a semi-convincing layer of skin-film.
( Cawl, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 10:19, Reply)

Semi-convincing?
You mean you weren't quite convinced or you had a semi and it WAS convinced?
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 10:26, Reply)

Fuck you Ape you big assmuncher!!!
Clendrix I'm all ill *sads*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 10:27, Reply)

Clendrix!
How's life a million miles away?
( Cawl, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 10:28, Reply)

Badger! Sweetheart!
I can give you a *hugs* because I am too far away to catch any germs. Poor you.

Edit: Kaol - bloody lovely :)
( thealternativefact, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 10:29, Reply)

Fuckin' awesome!
Do they just eat Lamb there?
( Cawl, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 10:30, Reply)

Thanks Clendrix I feel a bit better already
So yeah how's life down under? *sniggers* Met any hobbits?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 10:31, Reply)

I have to say Ape
I have no idea what you're on about. So I'll see whatever you were on about, and raise you...

"Mnah Mnah..."


( jim_bob can herd cats., Mon 30 Mar 2009, 10:31, Reply)

Erm, no Kaol, they don't.
They're reasonably civilised too.

No hobbitses.
*sads*
( thealternativefact, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 10:31, Reply)

Oh!
So they don't sacrifice a child every sunset to make sure that there's a sunrise?
( Cawl, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 10:33, Reply)

was going to say Kaol
Aussies probably eat more lamb then Kiwis.

but then I've seen some truly uncivilised australians of late.

OMG! Newsflash! My teacher came out of the closet to me today. wooooo. I had my suspicions for years but to have it confirmed is *awesome*
I'm in the circle of trust boo yeah. :D

EDIT: Clenders. Go to south island. Meet my family. You'll meet hobbitses.
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 30 Mar 2009, 10:35, Reply)

No Kaol.
I'm glad to see you're as weird as ever.
( thealternativefact, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 10:35, Reply)

Don't try to change me, baby.
*drinks coffee*
( Cawl, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 10:37, Reply)

Ah New Zealand
I wouldn't mind going there at some point. Apparently the local lasses in Auckland go nuts for British accents.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Mon 30 Mar 2009, 10:38, Reply)

I have to say
I'm not kiwi - but a good british accent will get me every time. :)
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 30 Mar 2009, 10:41, Reply)

Kaol
has a shit accent because he's from essex. hahahahah!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 10:42, Reply)

The Welsh peoples
Think I sound like someone out of Eastenders :(

EDIT: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU!
( Cawl, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 10:42, Reply)

hahahahhahah
Eastend Kaol! *sings and dances and points*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 10:43, Reply)

Baby?
FFS. And as for Brit accents over here, no one seems to give a shit, so you can knock that idea on the head. Go to Detroit.
( thealternativefact, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 10:44, Reply)

That's because most of the cast of Eastenders live in Essex
I used to serve some of them in the offy I worke din. And they'd always buy cheap as shit.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 10:45, Reply)

no no
send them my way.
Small town place. neeeeeeeeed to widen the gene pool here. Pleaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaase! you gotta take pity on me.
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 30 Mar 2009, 10:46, Reply)

*shakes fist*
I got asked yesterday "So... You're from Essex... That's East London, like?"

I just agreed, it's kinda right.

Only Clendrix knows where I really live.
In my mansion. With my butler, Wilkins.
This was after I'd picked her up in the Rolls.
( Cawl, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 10:49, Reply)

I reckon I could
find you if I could be bothered Kaol
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 10:50, Reply)

+1 for Detroit
*speaks from numerous experiences*
( rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 10:50, Reply)

Minty* lives in Crouch End.
He tried to get into the pub via the garden but the gate was locked.
I pointed and laughed.

*Eastenders character, apparently.
( thealternativefact, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 10:50, Reply)

Detroit is fucking great!
I've been there a few times.

And Kaol's house is very pretty and filled with lovely people.
( thealternativefact, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 10:52, Reply)

really?
I was expecting something out of sweeny todd but hey I'll take your word for it :)
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 30 Mar 2009, 10:53, Reply)

Yeah,
I keep 'em in the cellar.
Like rhubarb.
Tastes better if you grow it in shit, in the dark.
( Cawl, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 10:54, Reply)

fucking awesome
should I try the priest?
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 30 Mar 2009, 10:55, Reply)

No.
That's for small boys to eat.
The sweetest of revenge.
A part of a priest in their mouth that isn't a penis.
( Cawl, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 10:56, Reply)

aha fine
what do I get to eat then?
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 30 Mar 2009, 10:57, Reply)

Dunno.
Pastry?
( Cawl, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 10:58, Reply)

that'll do
chuck us the baker then.
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 30 Mar 2009, 11:00, Reply)

Hmmm, a good British accent you say?
Well I have to say mine is incredibly good in that department.

Although beat this for freakish. I was out on the piss the other day, and whilst in the bog, a friend broke the unwritten rule of glancing down and then commenting on the size of my cock.

His comment? "Christ that's huge!"

I wasn't sure whether to feel complimented or incredibly dirty.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Mon 30 Mar 2009, 11:06, Reply)

Piston...
Just reading that has vaguely disturbed me.
What kinda person does that?
Did you punch him?
( Cawl, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 11:09, Reply)

To be fair, 1" is huge
For a genital wart pubic louse.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 11:17, Reply)

Kaol
In that sense I am rather impressed. However, I would say it is a rather drunk friend who doesn't have any social boundaries. Then again, he is from Manchester.

/Edit

LiC, please feel free to go and find a cliff to jump off at your leisure.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Mon 30 Mar 2009, 11:17, Reply)

Piston
did you share that story with us so we would all think you were had a massive cock?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 11:19, Reply)

Well...
I don't wanna think about your penis.
I'd've punched him in the eyes.
( Cawl, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 11:20, Reply)

Badger
Not at all. It's been bothering me for the last couple of weeks, and it's not as though I can chat about it with my mates now, is it?
( jim_bob can herd cats., Mon 30 Mar 2009, 11:25, Reply)

you don't have a friend
who you share every single gory and disturbing detail with?

Christ.
Even I have one of those friends.
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 30 Mar 2009, 11:27, Reply)

VC
I probably do, but I'm an intensely private person outside of the internet. But blokes are different to the ladies in that respect. Although I suspect most ladies don't compare their labia, saying "Does this look like a pair of spaniel's ears to you?"
( jim_bob can herd cats., Mon 30 Mar 2009, 11:32, Reply)

ahaha I dunno about that necessarily Piston
My oldest friend and I quite often compared boobies as we were getting older and more "voluptuous".
And I have a lovely lovely friend with whom I regularly share all my sordid secrets and vice versa.

But you're right. Blokes are different like that I've noticed.
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 30 Mar 2009, 11:37, Reply)

VC
I highly suspect that every male in here is thinking "Pics or GTFO".

Ahem.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Mon 30 Mar 2009, 11:43, Reply)

Er...
Actually, I was thinking "I wonder what happens if you glue a ferret inside an empty terrapin shell".
( Cawl, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 11:46, Reply)

Actually
I was thinking "Circle of trust or just being groomed?" But that's b3ta for you. :-)
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Mon 30 Mar 2009, 11:46, Reply)

Hi Old Man.
How's it going?

EDIT: How old is old?
( Cawl, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 11:47, Reply)

Kaol
DO IT.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Mon 30 Mar 2009, 11:50, Reply)

Old Man?!
Yeah, OK. Things are going well, just getting used to one handed typing that doesn't involve wanking.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Mon 30 Mar 2009, 11:50, Reply)

ahaha
circle of trust. and no - there are no pics. but you guys would love her. you really would. lovely bubbly personality, curly blonde hair, surfer, very very curvy.

if she wasn't my best friend and like a sister to me, I think I'd be a little bit in love with her.
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 30 Mar 2009, 11:50, Reply)

@Kaol
Subtle hint in the sig. Complete the famous tv series, "Hawaii ??"
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Mon 30 Mar 2009, 11:51, Reply)

5.0!
du du du duuuu dooooo do do doooo do dooooooo
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 11:52, Reply)

Oh...
I thought "90210".
But that's Beverly Hills.
But congratulations on being more than twice my age :p
( Cawl, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 11:54, Reply)

VC
Circle of Trust? On the internet? Well, we do have a certain veil of anonymity.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Mon 30 Mar 2009, 11:54, Reply)

@VC
No need to guess what the chaps are thinking now. Dirty bastards and proud of it I bet.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Mon 30 Mar 2009, 11:55, Reply)

aha exactly
Nobody here except for holy gabs knows who I am, and she doesn't even live in aus.

oh except for that one other person. :)but still. I just see it as part of how I grew up. Sharing and being open and honest with this lovely funny friend of mine. I'll always be glad she's my friend.

That's my mushiness for the evening.

EDIT:Go suck a fuck you bunch of smacktarded sickly perverted beings and old farts!!
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 30 Mar 2009, 11:58, Reply)

@ Kaol
Thank you sonny. Could you just bend down and tie my shoelaces for me? I'm a little stiff today...... *Best Herbert voice"
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Mon 30 Mar 2009, 12:00, Reply)

You can fuck off, sunshine.
I'm not that young :p
( Cawl, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 12:02, Reply)

Is Herbert
The creepy old paedo from Family Guy?
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 12:03, Reply)

kaol
that's why I added "beings".

I know you're not an old fart :)

can haz make up hugs?
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 30 Mar 2009, 12:06, Reply)

I think he is
Either way his voice gives me earache and sets my teeth on edge.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Mon 30 Mar 2009, 12:08, Reply)

giggidy
giggidy giggidy goo.
/bobs head.
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 30 Mar 2009, 12:13, Reply)

He He
Herbert makes me laugh like a drain. That and the fact Chris doesn't notice. Absolutely made Blue Harvest for me.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Mon 30 Mar 2009, 12:23, Reply)

Has porky killed the thread?
Or has my page refresh suffered an epic fail?

edit: nope - it was porky. Impressive!
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:34, Reply)

I've just had the weirdest lunch break ever
Suffice to say a lady was involved who would *not* let go of my arm and kept on fiddling with my ring.

A silver one on my finger, that is. Very strange girl.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:51, Reply)

A woman obsessed with rings?
Sounds like an excellent candidate for some no-strings-attached sexytime fun!
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 13:55, Reply)

:''(
I dint kill nuffink. It was LIC.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:04, Reply)

Why do you have the fear Ancrenne?

( jim_bob can herd cats., Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:04, Reply)

Oh dear Ancrenne
That does put my lack of payrise in a different perspective.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:13, Reply)

Well, hopefully we'll get our bonuis
But I don't hold out much hope.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:27, Reply)

I'm being TUPE'd
Sometime in the next six months, which probably means I'll be employed for at least the next 12 months. Very encouraging in there current times.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:36, Reply)

I'm quitting my job in August,
If all goes according to plan.
Goodbye to money.
( Cawl, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:38, Reply)

It's very comforting
I could still be sacked for being a twunt, but neither party can make me redundant just to reduce headcount.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 14:46, Reply)

100?
Go me!
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:00, Reply)

The time shift ion B3ta land
Or rather the lack of, is confusing me and I keep thinking the thread has died
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:09, Reply)

Poetic justice
Mr thread-killer Kaol.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:21, Reply)

Ho hum
You're all hoes that hum.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:53, Reply)

Hahahaha!
So...
Bored.
Do something entertaining.
( Cawl, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:54, Reply)

*unzips*
My cock feels unusually bouncy today. How's everybody else's?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 15:58, Reply)

Querying my bush artillery's readiness
I can deploy on 30 seconds notice of a flange attack.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 16:08, Reply)

Morning everyone.
I went to a gay strip club last night and saw the biggest cock I have ever seen in my life.
Honestly, it was a monster!

How are we all then?
( wanderlust, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 16:11, Reply)

Oh God Oh God
I mentioned earlier about the weird lunch break. Turns out the arm-grabber is...





16.

Shit.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Mon 30 Mar 2009, 16:12, Reply)

What size animal
could he have beaten to death with it?

Rabbit? Badger? Wildebeest?
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 16:15, Reply)

It could have beaten off an elephant.
When he wiped his cock end and showed off his pre-cum I had a little cry.
:(

I appear to be the master of international thread killing. Go me!
( wanderlust, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 16:19, Reply)

We've been stunned into silence
By the thought of The Human Saveloy.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 16:31, Reply)