In the spirit of Becky's posts this week
I'm going to ask you all questions about sex, and I'll even feign interest at your replies, in a bid to keep things as fast-moving as they were over the last few days.

So, why won't anybody have sex with you?

EDIT Oh come on, I am trying here.

Also:
Should I get the mods to give me my old name back?





Even though I'm not going to use it?
(Bert's other profile wants to wear your balls on a necklace, Fri 24 Apr 2009, 12:13, 27 replies, latest was 17 years ago)

Because the price of Rohypnol has gone through the roof.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 24 Apr 2009, 12:18, Reply)

because i'm you.

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 24 Apr 2009, 12:19, Reply)

This is a truly terrible state of affairs, Wookie.
Is there anything I can do to help?

I could donate one of my sisters, or let you have a go at the Mrs? We could even do it in the way they did in that film with John-boy in it. You know, the one where he sneaks into his neighbour's house at night, and vice versa, to sleep with his wife? Only to find that he's been framed for her murder? Yeah, you know the one, that one. That was it, it's rubbish.

EDIT Oh come on now, you know that you're not me. Do I have to get a mod?
(Bert's other profile wants to wear your balls on a necklace, Fri 24 Apr 2009, 12:20, Reply)

The Waltons: Extreme Edition?
"Good night John-Boy"

"Good night"

"My god! He's calling from upstairs!"
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 24 Apr 2009, 12:26, Reply)

Naw
It's a real film, and he's in it. I think Bruce Willis was his psychiatrist in it, or in a very similar film.

I love when people vote 'meh', because if they really thought 'meh', they wouldn't vote.

EDIT Cor, those lurkers sure like to vote, don't they?
(Bert's other profile wants to wear your balls on a necklace, Fri 24 Apr 2009, 12:27, Reply)

11 people have voted so far
not including me as I don't care enough to.

Who ARE these people?
(Bert's other profile wants to wear your balls on a necklace, Fri 24 Apr 2009, 12:40, Reply)

I voted for the kittens...

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 24 Apr 2009, 12:43, Reply)

D's G!
One of the few members of OT worthy of a little respect. How are you doing, you recently betrothed northerner?

EDIT for you, and your Mrs (who I've recently got the hots for since seeing the Edinburgh photos)

(Bert's other profile wants to wear your balls on a necklace, Fri 24 Apr 2009, 12:45, Reply)

Whoever sent me the gaz with the password for my old profile
if you've logged out of it, log back in and read the gaz I sent you. I don't want the profile back, but if you've got it, use it.
(Bert's other profile wants to wear your balls on a necklace, Fri 24 Apr 2009, 12:50, Reply)

Aw, thanks Bert
you big soft cunt.

Me and the missus are doing fine. Two and a bit weeks in, and the cracks haven't started to show yet...
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 24 Apr 2009, 12:52, Reply)

Because I'm old : (
And you should not get your name back. Look to the future and not the past.
( girlinthehole, Fri 24 Apr 2009, 12:57, Reply)

I vote Kittens as well...
Because everyone loves a kitten.



Apart from Dogs, natch.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 24 Apr 2009, 13:11, Reply)

@DG
What, married a fortnight and you've still not seen her crack?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 24 Apr 2009, 13:22, Reply)

K2
You're a bad, bad man.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 24 Apr 2009, 13:22, Reply)

Heh!
Couldn't resist. This is Bert's thread, after all.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 24 Apr 2009, 13:28, Reply)

Kinell.
The apathy is astounding.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 24 Apr 2009, 13:34, Reply)

Seriously Davros
I want your Mrs in a very bad way. Any chance of a bit of swinging?
(Bert's other profile wants to wear your balls on a necklace, Fri 24 Apr 2009, 14:10, Reply)

@Bert
It wouldn't be the first time Davros has been asked about swinging : /
( girlinthehole, Fri 24 Apr 2009, 14:14, Reply)

Did he turn you down?

(Bert's other profile wants to wear your balls on a necklace, Fri 24 Apr 2009, 14:15, Reply)

@Bert
Pfft! As if.
( girlinthehole, Fri 24 Apr 2009, 14:17, Reply)

BGB
this is true... but to be fair to the kid, a random bunch of people with different accents playing pool together that met on the internet - what was he supposed to think?

:D

Bert - no. The missus doesn't go in for that sort of thing.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 24 Apr 2009, 14:19, Reply)

I didn't think anybody could be that insane, BGB
Turning down the chance of a ride on the Blouse-a-coaster just isn't cricket.

So were you all asked if you were swingers up in Scotland?
Go on D's G, you know I could fulfill her in ways you'd only ever dream about.
(Bert's other profile wants to wear your balls on a necklace, Fri 24 Apr 2009, 14:25, Reply)

Nope
It was in Blousey's local.

And still no :)
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 24 Apr 2009, 14:28, Reply)

Oh.
Maybe I'll just ask Mrs Granddad instead.
(Bert's other profile wants to wear your balls on a necklace, Fri 24 Apr 2009, 14:29, Reply)

Because of my terrible Frubes addiction.
It may sound stupid but when you go through four boxes a day, you don't have time to talk to wimmenfolk.
(Dangerous Disco Trev Isn't my real name, Fri 24 Apr 2009, 14:37, Reply)

Oh Trev
Of all the things in the world to become addicted to, you go and find the blandest, and it's yoghurt of all things, which we all know is actually regurgitated kitten bile.
(Bert's other profile wants to wear your balls on a necklace, Fri 24 Apr 2009, 14:40, Reply)

I know
But Co-Op had them on buy one get one free. And I just can't resist free things.
(Dangerous Disco Trev Isn't my real name, Fri 24 Apr 2009, 16:16, Reply)