I've got a great idea to combat the general malaise in the world.
He's called Rafe. And he is NEVER sad. (Except when there's noone to slobber on).

I will be hiring him out to people for free. Trust me, when you have 40kg of insane dog telling you you are the best because you've thrown him a ball, the world becomes much fuzzier.

I will also be hiring him out because, in greater than hourly doses he's EXHAUSTING.

He likes cats, too. But he also likes to chase them.

He will be living in London from 1st August until 1st September, so put your name on the list now to avoid disappointment...

And of course I'm not just trying to get freebie dog walking!
(Psyche finishes work at the end of June! Yay!!!, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:56, 41 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Pictures please

(Bazongaloid, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:57, Reply)

I'll put a pic of him
in my profile later this week.

It will be announced (he's my little lad!!)
(Psyche finishes work at the end of June! Yay!!!, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:02, Reply)

I'll come help walk him
he sounds entertaining
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:58, Reply)

And he does tricks.
For treats. Obviously.
(Psyche finishes work at the end of June! Yay!!!, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:04, Reply)

So...
Your post, in short, reads "I'm whoring my dog. Want in?"
( Cawl, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:59, Reply)

yes.

(Psyche finishes work at the end of June! Yay!!!, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:01, Reply)

If I lived in London,
I'd pimp your hound. For free.
'fraid I don't though.
Just bung him on the Essex Train.
( Cawl, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:05, Reply)

It's always a good day when you get to see a dog.
They should hire them out on the NHS.

At one point I was going to put an advert up in the local shops as "A free dog walker (as long as I can take photographs)", but I realised that'll make me sound creepy at best.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:59, Reply)

Do it anyway.
Or just lurk in the park-bushes with a telephoto lens.
( Cawl, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:02, Reply)

You'll need some anti-shake.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:04, Reply)

Just stop wanking?

( Cawl, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:05, Reply)

Unpossible.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:23, Reply)

You mean
The oven-gloves filled with broken glass didn't work?
( Cawl, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:31, Reply)

I'm like a bee buzzing against a window in that respect.
_nothing_ is going to stop my resolve, I will make it through that glass.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:42, Reply)

Well just remember the number I told you.
I'll say it again it's not three times nine.
Dialling 27 and waiting will just result in bleeding to death.
( Cawl, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:48, Reply)

Hello? NHS Direct? Yeah', it's me again...... glass in the oven mitts this time..... the internet...... *sigh*, okaaaay.....

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 11 May 2009, 15:28, Reply)

40kg and slobbering...
...all I need for that is to consult my address book.

In all seriousness, what sort of dog is he?
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Mon 11 May 2009, 14:01, Reply)

It's called
a chickenlady.

*ducks and runs like hell*
(Bazongaloid, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:02, Reply)

Oh al!
You do love to live dangerously!
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Mon 11 May 2009, 14:03, Reply)

I'll be okay as long as
she's wearing high heels and has had a glass of white wine. I can easily outrun her then.

If not, well, it's been nice knowing you all.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:11, Reply)

Oh dear
you'll be in a lot of trouble when you get back!!

He's a flat-coated retriever. And he is brown. And he's got CADHD.
(Psyche finishes work at the end of June! Yay!!!, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:03, Reply)

How can you
duck and run like hell?

*imagines*
( warmfuzzies Isn't here, Mon 11 May 2009, 20:20, Reply)

Canine ADHD?
Poor thing.
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:05, Reply)

I liked the pics of yours on Fri...
...lovely looking dog. Bet she was pleased to see you when you got home?
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Mon 11 May 2009, 14:07, Reply)

Yup
In a typical "Hello Dad!!! I've missed you you've been away soooo (about 6 hours) long are we going for a walk or a run or are you going to rub my tummy or or or or or or or or or..."
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:09, Reply)

Hehehehe sounds familiar
I grew up with Boxer dogs, despite appearences they can be incredibly soppy and daft when the mood takes them.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Mon 11 May 2009, 14:11, Reply)

We met a Mastiff bitch in the park yesterday
She DWARFED Rafe. Apparently weighed in at 12stone. But she was a total love. And his lordship even lay down at her feet, he was so impressed by her.
(Psyche finishes work at the end of June! Yay!!!, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:16, Reply)

Twas a personal diagnosis.
And I may have invented the disease. Science will discover the truth of it in years to come.
(Psyche finishes work at the end of June! Yay!!!, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:15, Reply)

Invented diseases for the win.
The drummer in my band is still terrified that "if a cat bites you, you've got a 10% chance of getting cat-AIDS".
*sighs*
( Cawl, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:16, Reply)

bless him...
How many other things have you managed to convince him he's at risk from?
(Psyche finishes work at the end of June! Yay!!!, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:18, Reply)

FIV
does exist although perhaps I'm going to the wrong places as I've yet to see a Freddie Mercury or Kenny Everett cat or, for that matter, see a cat self-injecting heroin.
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:25, Reply)

Yep indeed!
I think it targets totally different surface antigens to HIV though.
Or his fears would be founded.
( Cawl, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:32, Reply)

You may not get cat aids
but you would get a nasty infection and swollen hands. *knows*
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:29, Reply)

Ouch
Sounds irritating though, more than painful(?)
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:31, Reply)

S'pose I'd better walk the lad now
While it's still nice and sunny.
(Psyche finishes work at the end of June! Yay!!!, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:22, Reply)

Hai, I iz stinkybumcat

(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Mon 11 May 2009, 14:23, Reply)

I declare that
To be a cat.
And my powers of Science are rarely wrong.
( Cawl, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:37, Reply)

Yep, she is
Psyche's dog will have difficulty chasing her though, as when nervous she emits a cloud of toxic gas.

She may be pretty, but she smells pretty bad.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Mon 11 May 2009, 14:44, Reply)

They'd get on well
and he'd probably like it. Urrghh.
(Psyche finishes work at the end of June! Yay!!!, Mon 11 May 2009, 17:58, Reply)

Pwetty fluffeh
:)
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:43, Reply)

Beware!
I have a cat, it is armed and cocked, and I'm not afraid to use it!
(Potty Jag har smör i min rumpspringa, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:46, Reply)