Groan, sweat, groan...
a little tenuous perhaps...

but it lives!!!

Come on in and be fowl ;-)
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sun 24 May 2009, 7:34, 105 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

hello my lovely!
how goes it?
(Poppet some assembly required., Sun 24 May 2009, 7:36, Reply)

Bwarrrk!
Cluck cluck cluck.

My chicken impression isn't the best. How are we all and are there any plans for the day?
(Potty Jag har smör i min rumpspringa, Sun 24 May 2009, 7:39, Reply)

i are well...
but tired out off working and shagging a lot...
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sun 24 May 2009, 7:40, Reply)

You utter bastard
How dare you cheat on VC and TD by shagging elsewhere on a sunday?
(Potty Jag har smör i min rumpspringa, Sun 24 May 2009, 7:42, Reply)

nah, t'was lost night...
and it was my wife...
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sun 24 May 2009, 7:44, Reply)

oh well that's allright then.
you lucky sod.
(Poppet some assembly required., Sun 24 May 2009, 7:48, Reply)

I vote
We grab him, and tie him to a chair. Then make him wait until we both see our respective partners. Whilst making him wath us rub his wife with chocolate.
(Potty Jag har smör i min rumpspringa, Sun 24 May 2009, 7:49, Reply)

eh. nahhh.
that requires *effort*.

I don't have the energy. *makes excuses* it's easier to just snog him and be done with it.
(Poppet some assembly required., Sun 24 May 2009, 7:52, Reply)

That is true.
I shall wait for TD to appear, then observe with my hand under my borrowed coat, "scratching".
(Potty Jag har smör i min rumpspringa, Sun 24 May 2009, 7:54, Reply)

if you're "scratching''
you're flicking the bean wrong.

very wrong.
(Poppet some assembly required., Sun 24 May 2009, 7:56, Reply)

Really? That explains a lot
Would you be able to demonstrate to us the correct technque?
(Potty Jag har smör i min rumpspringa, Sun 24 May 2009, 7:59, Reply)

17 mate.

I'll say it slowly.

She
is
17
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Sun 24 May 2009, 8:01, Reply)

ahah easy Twitch.
It's all good. He's just messing.

To flick the bean:
Stroke one way, vertically
Stroke vertically back.

SCRATCHING IS WRONG AND IT HURTS US!
(Poppet some assembly required., Sun 24 May 2009, 8:04, Reply)

My girlfriend was 15 when I met her in person.
She is 17 now. But just like VC, you wouldn't know from speaking to her. It's all about what's in the mind.

Besides, for a proper demonstration it would have to be done in person, in small groups with a Q&A session. So that's all fine.

/edit. Went slightly too serious there. Everyone have a lollipop.
(Potty Jag har smör i min rumpspringa, Sun 24 May 2009, 8:05, Reply)

what is this "Mind" thing you speak of?
/drools mongishly.
(Poppet some assembly required., Sun 24 May 2009, 8:11, Reply)

You're an aussie
You can be excused.
(Potty Jag har smör i min rumpspringa, Sun 24 May 2009, 8:15, Reply)

THIS IS COS I'M NOT TANNED AND BLONDE
Like aussie girls are supposed to be - isn't it?!?

/wails
(Poppet some assembly required., Sun 24 May 2009, 8:17, Reply)

right, you fetid bunch...
that all went a bit "wrong" in my absence!

sure, tie me to a chair but leave mrsblaireau out of it, she's not a b3tan.

any more of this nonsense and i'll need to administer some discipline. aye vc? wink wink! x
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sun 24 May 2009, 8:12, Reply)

/giggles
oh you big scary manly man you! Punishment? oh noes!
(Poppet some assembly required., Sun 24 May 2009, 8:14, Reply)

right, wench! you're 1st for the strap...
*fetches strap*

ready?
grr!
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sun 24 May 2009, 8:14, Reply)

Oh god my stomach hurts from laughing

(Poppet some assembly required., Sun 24 May 2009, 8:15, Reply)

and your' pale, moonlike cheeks will be sore from the strap...
by the time i'm done...

*fetches 2nd strap due to 1st strap snapping *
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sun 24 May 2009, 8:17, Reply)

excuse me?
My cheeks are not the size of the moon. How verily dare you? you dreadfully unkind man.
(Poppet some assembly required., Sun 24 May 2009, 8:18, Reply)

moonlike in that they are pale and slightly obscured by cloud...
and very far away ;-)
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sun 24 May 2009, 8:19, Reply)

cloud? what cloud?
And what happens when I visit eh?
(Poppet some assembly required., Sun 24 May 2009, 8:25, Reply)

then it will indeed be obscured by cloud...
but not so far away.

simple really ;-)
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sun 24 May 2009, 8:27, Reply)

ahah
fair call.
(Poppet some assembly required., Sun 24 May 2009, 8:30, Reply)

May I recommend the cane next?
Leaves such a pretty pattern of lines...
(Potty Jag har smör i min rumpspringa, Sun 24 May 2009, 8:18, Reply)

*realises this ain't the BDSM chatroom*
*tries to stop*
*fails*
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sun 24 May 2009, 8:18, Reply)

Master, master!
I have the chains and masks you requested! I could only find the Pinky and The Brain ones though.
(Potty Jag har smör i min rumpspringa, Sun 24 May 2009, 8:19, Reply)

I'm more then a little disturbed
by the fact you capitalised their uses.
(Poppet some assembly required., Sun 24 May 2009, 8:24, Reply)

*confused*
www.youtube.com/watch?v=iJPFSNu_QNs
(Potty Jag har smör i min rumpspringa, Sun 24 May 2009, 8:28, Reply)

inserts joke about...
"capitalising on their assets"
fnaar fnaar
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sun 24 May 2009, 8:25, Reply)

what assets are you on about?
/checks self.
nope not got much to say about my assets!
(Poppet some assembly required., Sun 24 May 2009, 8:28, Reply)

"I'm more then a little disturbed by the fact you capitalised their uses."
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
was referring to this
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sun 24 May 2009, 8:31, Reply)

Oh RIch, you cunt
Not content with shagging one underage girl are you? No, you have to go and cheat on her with random stupid people off the internet. No wonder you spend all your time alone with no life. Stupid twunt.
(Flairy Kate, Sun 24 May 2009, 8:49, Reply)

wow very friendly.
Hell hath no fury like a woman spurned?
Are you okay?

He's not cheating on nobody??
(Poppet some assembly required., Sun 24 May 2009, 8:51, Reply)

wow, it's all kicking off...
just when i thought it was deaded to death...
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sun 24 May 2009, 8:56, Reply)

and just for the record...
we are not "random stupid people off the internet".

you cheeky monkey.
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sun 24 May 2009, 8:57, Reply)

well I don't know about that.
I'm pretty random - I *can* be stupid

and I am a person - so if I'm included you all get my connotations. Sorry darls.
(Poppet some assembly required., Sun 24 May 2009, 8:58, Reply)

grr! just pop my bubble, why don't you?
i'm sure that was a winning response from me...
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sun 24 May 2009, 9:00, Reply)

Ahh. This explains a lot.
Everyone, please meet my younger sister. There is a reason why we don't talk.
(Potty Jag har smör i min rumpspringa, Sun 24 May 2009, 8:59, Reply)

good morning to sister of hairpot...
welcome to b3ta,
please don't break it...

edit: any chance of profile info? just so we know who/what we are dealing with ;-)
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sun 24 May 2009, 9:01, Reply)

I think this post was rather
revealing, don't you?
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Sun 24 May 2009, 9:06, Reply)

morning LIC ;-)
how art though?
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sun 24 May 2009, 9:08, Reply)

Pfft
We don't talk because you are, to put it simply a cunt. You have no ambition, and you just don't know what you're going to do. You need to move out of home, get a decent girlfriend (an no fuckin boyfriend either you pervert)
(Flairy Kate, Sun 24 May 2009, 9:08, Reply)

wow FK
you've sure got it in for him this morning...
and what's perverted about gay sex anyway?
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sun 24 May 2009, 9:09, Reply)

Wish I knew
This is quite normal. People wonder why I say I only have one sister. Going to walk away now and let it die down.
(Potty Jag har smör i min rumpspringa, Sun 24 May 2009, 9:11, Reply)

Oi Oi.
This is /offtopic. You want to be a bitch - be a bitch on /talk.

/offtopic is for niceness not nastiness.

There is nothing wrong with having a partner of the same sex either. Grow up. Seriously.
(Poppet some assembly required., Sun 24 May 2009, 9:11, Reply)

well said VC!
bang on the money, as usual!
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sun 24 May 2009, 9:12, Reply)

It's just... ewww. Don't understand how people can do it.
Don't care as long as it's not in my face though.

I'll insult him wherever I want. He is a twat, and I'll treat him however I feel.
(Flairy Kate, Sun 24 May 2009, 9:16, Reply)

"It's just... ewww. Don't understand how people can do it. Don't care as long as it's not in my face though. "
is kind of how i feel about nasty abusive posts on /offtopic. especially at this time on a sunday morning...

please don't be like this here, or now.
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sun 24 May 2009, 9:20, Reply)

Fine, I'll be nice then
My brother is still a cunt though, and is still a disgusting pervert, even from just looking at the stuff above.
(Flairy Kate, Sun 24 May 2009, 9:26, Reply)

Miss Kate.
You plainly have not read the FAQ of b3ta. B3ta is a place for bad jokes and puns and a place to be generally inappropriate and have a laugh.

Please see yourself out.
(Poppet some assembly required., Sun 24 May 2009, 9:28, Reply)

so instead we have to put up with people flaunting heterosexual relationships in front of us?
No offence Miss Kate but you sound very intolerant. I've been with guys and girls. And I *love* being with girls. And I also love being with my partner (who is a guy).

As long as two people love each other and treat each other with respect and kindness what is the big deal? It's just two people happy together.
(Poppet some assembly required., Sun 24 May 2009, 9:22, Reply)

and it need not stop at 2...
sometimes, in here on a sunday morning things get "a bit more numerous" than that...

*remembers the good old days and smugs*
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sun 24 May 2009, 9:24, Reply)

ahah trust you badger.
seriously though. Your brother is well liked here. If you come on here flouncing and bitching it's not going to make anyone but you unpopular.
(Poppet some assembly required., Sun 24 May 2009, 9:27, Reply)

indeed, trust the badger...
you'd need to, just to let me do the things i do ;-)
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sun 24 May 2009, 9:30, Reply)

ahah lets just leave it at that shall we?
/hides whetstone.
(Poppet some assembly required., Sun 24 May 2009, 9:32, Reply)

I just thought you should know what he's really like
Until he does something worthwhile, I'm going to keep going at him to go out and get a real life.
(Flairy Kate, Sun 24 May 2009, 9:33, Reply)

You don't have to "make sure" about anything.
We are all fully functional, mentally capable, and intelligent enough to reach our own conclusions based on our own interactions with him.

Whether or not he is a cunt is something WE decide. You have no input - because quite frankly - you're somebody who has shown up out of nowhere and begun abusing one of our mates - even though it's just the internets.

So unless you have something nice to say - fuck off or don't say anything at all. Simple as that.
(Poppet some assembly required., Sun 24 May 2009, 9:36, Reply)

please just drop it!
let us adults do it our way...
we base our opinions on what people post, we read, interact and evaluate at the speed of light...
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sun 24 May 2009, 9:37, Reply)

Ok.
THIS STOPS NOW.

If you have something to say, you say it to my face, or on the phone, or on msn. You DO NOT come in to a public forum, where my mates are, insult them and subject them to your whims.

In 5 minutes I am going to phone you. If you do not answer, I am going to publicly disown you. You will be, as far as I can legally make it, no longer my sister. If I don't get some explainations, you are no longer my sister. If you hang up on me, you are no longer my sister.

I will be quite happy to phone dad in Ghana and wake him up to explain all this.

Everyone else: I can only apologise for my sister. There are no excuses for her.
(Potty Jag har smör i min rumpspringa, Sun 24 May 2009, 9:37, Reply)

s'ok potters.
she's plainly suffering from the younger-sibling-inferiority-complex that troubles so many.
(Poppet some assembly required., Sun 24 May 2009, 9:46, Reply)

Morning internet people
F1 and footy today. Maybe a trip to the carvery for lunch.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Sun 24 May 2009, 9:07, Reply)

if the wind picks up...
we are going to fly kites today,
recording the f1,
carnival in town this evening...

but first: the breakfast of champions, or perhaps champignons?
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sun 24 May 2009, 9:11, Reply)

Breakfast of Champions is a brilliant book.
you should read it.

Also it's nearly tea time here.
(Poppet some assembly required., Sun 24 May 2009, 9:14, Reply)

i've wondered for some time now...
when it's, say, 0915 sunday here, what time is it with you?

edit: i've read a lot of KV but not that one, will check it out... do you like phillip k dick?
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sun 24 May 2009, 9:16, Reply)

tinyurl.com/oprsry
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Sun 24 May 2009, 9:23, Reply)

i much prefer to ask a person than a 'puter, whenever possible...
but thankyou anyway!
x
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sun 24 May 2009, 9:26, Reply)

6:15pm sunday.
:)
(Poppet some assembly required., Sun 24 May 2009, 9:23, Reply)

right! now that you've told me i'll understand in future...
when i'm hungover on a sunday then you'll be hours ahead of me...

and well handled up there^
;-) x
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sun 24 May 2009, 9:27, Reply)

yes well once I get there I'm sure we'll be having synchronised hangovers
and ta. x
(Poppet some assembly required., Sun 24 May 2009, 9:31, Reply)

"synchronised hangovers"
sounds like an olympic sport we could excell at LOL
and now i have tea on my screen!!!
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sun 24 May 2009, 9:33, Reply)

fucking win.
/claims screen tea prize for sunday.
(Poppet some assembly required., Sun 24 May 2009, 9:37, Reply)

screen-tea prize! no contest!
and did you notice the synchronised responding we just did above? check it out!!!

what next? synchronised orgasms? LOL
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sun 24 May 2009, 9:39, Reply)

your wife would be a tad annoyed
that you're synchronising your orgasms with another woman!
(Poppet some assembly required., Sun 24 May 2009, 9:41, Reply)

LOL more tea hits screen...
you prize-winning ozzy strumpet!

question: fried egg on toast with black pudding, or black pudding on eggy bread?
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sun 24 May 2009, 9:45, Reply)

Neither I can't stand black pudding darls.
Fried egg on toast with mushies and sage, om nom nom.
(Poppet some assembly required., Sun 24 May 2009, 9:47, Reply)

Fired egg on toast
Black putting and eggy bread is just too soggy. Just like VC...
(Potty Jag har smör i min rumpspringa, Sun 24 May 2009, 9:48, Reply)

FIRED egg on toast?
sounds good...
pass me that fire...
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sun 24 May 2009, 9:50, Reply)

It's an egg cooked in a pizza oven!
I call it the big greenie.
(Potty Jag har smör i min rumpspringa, Sun 24 May 2009, 9:51, Reply)

it's a redundant egg you nonce
:P
(Poppet some assembly required., Sun 24 May 2009, 9:52, Reply)

silly blaireau
no biscuit...
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sun 24 May 2009, 9:53, Reply)

It has ceased to be.
It does not exist. There is no egg. It is a non-egg.

Sorry, can't remember that much of the dead parrot sketch.
(Potty Jag har smör i min rumpspringa, Sun 24 May 2009, 9:56, Reply)

so anyway...
i'm going with a black-pudding ommelette on toast...
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sun 24 May 2009, 10:02, Reply)

Now that, I could easily handle
I haven't had a good black pudding for ages. Or a good omelette.
(Potty Jag har smör i min rumpspringa, Sun 24 May 2009, 10:04, Reply)

and there be beans too...
with harissa...
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sun 24 May 2009, 10:06, Reply)

You bastard
Hungry :(

Already had breakfast though, so anything else will be a one bite then bin it.
(Potty Jag har smör i min rumpspringa, Sun 24 May 2009, 10:13, Reply)

Nom!
and indeed Nomnom!
;-)
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sun 24 May 2009, 10:16, Reply)

Somebody, heeeeelp!
B69 is bullying me with food!
(Potty Jag har smör i min rumpspringa, Sun 24 May 2009, 10:20, Reply)

no-one can help you now...
you are within my greasy grasp!!!

i'm gonna smother you in fried food and leave you hogtied for the others to "have"...
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sun 24 May 2009, 10:26, Reply)

Oh no, no, the horror!
*struggles ineffectually*
(Potty Jag har smör i min rumpspringa, Sun 24 May 2009, 10:31, Reply)

struggle all you want...
those ropes are made of liquorice, you will never escape...
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sun 24 May 2009, 10:33, Reply)

I have been outsmarted again
I'll just have to await my fate.

Wait, what are you doing that kitten. Get it off! That tickles! NOOOOOO!
(Potty Jag har smör i min rumpspringa, Sun 24 May 2009, 10:42, Reply)

good for you!
Sorry, I was writing up liner notes for my random burn cd. I've got one left to send and I thought I'd add a little more content.

So I was away when it all kicked off.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Sun 24 May 2009, 10:05, Reply)

yeah, you sure missed that one...
but worth scanning through, for a laugh!
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sun 24 May 2009, 10:06, Reply)

and i've missed the 1st ten minutes of the archers omnibus...
drat!
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sun 24 May 2009, 10:09, Reply)

Oh I have
and used the Ignore button. All gone now!
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Sun 24 May 2009, 10:17, Reply)

Indeed
If only I could do that to her!
(Potty Jag har smör i min rumpspringa, Sun 24 May 2009, 10:20, Reply)

the ignore button is just like heroin...
it's for those who can't handle reality...
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sun 24 May 2009, 10:21, Reply)

I thought b3ta was like heroin
for that same reason?
(Potty Jag har smör i min rumpspringa, Sun 24 May 2009, 10:25, Reply)

err...
possibly...
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sun 24 May 2009, 10:27, Reply)

Reality
is for people who can't handle b3ta.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Sun 24 May 2009, 10:29, Reply)

now then...
that's more like it!
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sun 24 May 2009, 10:32, Reply)