Slugs
STAY THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE!
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 27 May 2009, 10:32, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Surely you are man enough to say that to them directly? Or is it a language issue?
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Wed 27 May 2009, 10:33, Reply)

I'm using ever method of communication possible
on the chance that one of them gets through.

I just discovered slug trails all over my bag...
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 27 May 2009, 10:38, Reply)

Surely closing the door
after even 5 minutes of it being open is enough to thwart their advances?
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 27 May 2009, 10:40, Reply)

there are quite a lot of holes in my house
where pipes come and go from the kitchen, or used to at least, and I haven't got round to filling them yet.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 27 May 2009, 10:43, Reply)

Salt fucks them
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Wed 27 May 2009, 10:40, Reply)

Apparently if you can find where they're coming from
Like a windowledge, and tape a length of copper wire so they'd have to cross it to come in, they won't cross it. Not sure why. Also, beer traps.
(Fredz A graveyard of hopes, a dump of ambition, Wed 27 May 2009, 10:44, Reply)

Solution. (honestly)
Get tin cans and put a bit of beer in the bottom and place around outskirts of house.

Slug smells beer, climbs up edge, falls in, drowns in a drunken stupor.

Win.

(High volume ale works best.)
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 27 May 2009, 10:54, Reply)