Sorry
I wrote some more mindless drivel. At some point, I'll stop using b3ta as a springboard for my ideas.
(Potty Jag har smör i min rumpspringa, Sun 31 May 2009, 9:36, 8 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Fun fun fun
The fun of lust and love. I understand the difference between lust and love. Although initially first similar in nature, they are two very different beasts that go to great pains to cloud and hide one another.

Neither is more powerful than the other. Lust is a fast, sweeping emotion that spy’s one thing and obsesses you with it. Every moment is filled with thoughts about it; everything done is related to that. It can cause great happiness, sweeping moment of celebration and thoughts of silly acts. Should lust be denied, then it will go on to trigger other powerful emotions. Anger, sadness, jealousy – all of these can be linked to lust.

It cannot last. It is too powerful. It burns out quick, and if there is nothing to take its place then all that is left is an empty devoid pit.
Love is what is required to fill the hole that lust leaves. Love being a much slower burning, gentler emotion, it is the bond that keeps things together when the initial flurry is gone. It is the Sunday morning cuddle to lust quickie in the pub toilet.

I say I know the difference. How come? Well, not so long ago, I was engaged. I was engaged to a woman who swept me off my feet, made me happy, yada yada. Sounds perfect, right?. I didn’t know the real her though. We were engaged within 5 months of meeting – I really should have picked up on it. It was only a year down the line when I actually lived with her that I got to see the real her and felt the difference of these two wildly different thoughts.

Lust can and will destroy. Too many confuse it for love at first sight. Too many people have done silly things, had relationships destroyed, homes broken, even died for the sake of one person lusting after something. I’ve been called a cold bastard and had too many starting relationships broken off because of a lack of commitment from me, simply due to not wanting to confuse the two. I think my current girlfriend is realising the difference now as well – I just hope she hands it better than I did.

Learn to recognise the two. Lust is great, but don’t let it take over your life.
(Potty Jag har smör i min rumpspringa, Sun 31 May 2009, 9:36, Reply)

Too, too true
There is also the emotional need which isn't of itself love. Wanting to be wanted; it's a very powerful impulse, especially for those of us who maybe didn't have the best childhood in the world.

My yardstick is - "is the person I want treating me the way I would treat them ?". This works for all aspects of life, love and friendships - reverse the scenario, say "would I have done x or y like this person has just done to me ?". OK, we'll all act differently, but essentially you should be with people who play by the same rules you play by.

It's always actions, actions, actions. The problem with lust / infatuation is that it is blind to the true actions of the one we are fixated with. Thankfully with age / experience one becomes a bit more discerning...
( I_Was_Mordred, Sun 31 May 2009, 11:05, Reply)

Something to think on
I hadn't considered the wanting to be wanted emotional reponse - I would guess in a way it a part of lusting after someone, particularly if they show an interest in you.

I generally use the same yardstick, but I also look at how they treat others, as people tailor their responses depending on who they're talking to and you can get a better idea of the underlying them by observing them interact with people other than yourself.

It's just a pity it's one of those things that really had to be learnt the hard way.
(Potty Jag har smör i min rumpspringa, Sun 31 May 2009, 11:18, Reply)

Ok.

Now go and get a coffee or go for a walk or something.
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Sun 31 May 2009, 9:51, Reply)

you
spelt wank wrong
(Halfy By light alone, Sun 31 May 2009, 10:00, Reply)

I also mistook gay blowjob for coffee. Common error.
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Sun 31 May 2009, 10:06, Reply)

This close enough?
I went out for a walk, grabbed a coffee from the bakers then stopped off in a public toilet for some light buggary.
(Potty Jag har smör i min rumpspringa, Sun 31 May 2009, 10:29, Reply)

Well, if you're still down the park toilets this time next year having a Sunday cuddle,
you'll know it's the real thing.

(Sorry, couldn't resist)
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Sun 31 May 2009, 10:58, Reply)