My boss is a helmet
He's a cock ... no idea what he's doing, no interpersonal skills at all, no redeeming characteristics, insistent on interfering. Despite me throwing my timesheet at him, a blow-by-blow breakdown of what I do each week (by request), my current to-do list ... and he still insists that he doesn't know what I'm doing, and is continually interfering with my methods and processes.

So here is my question ... what inventive methods of slaughter would you use on your boss, and why do they deserve it?
(hangableautobulb is an anagram of the best album ever, on, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 15:23, 9 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Quit, it's easier in the long run

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 15:29, Reply)

My boss is hot.
Rather than murder, can I just Fritzl her?
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 15:30, Reply)

I'm sure
wearing a ski mask and hoofing him the bollocks would do just fine
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 15:34, Reply)

My boss is OK
Apart from the fact that she's been itching for five minutes solidly, so she has fleas.

At least, I think it's fleas.
(Ghost Atreides enjoying incontestable health benefits on, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 15:42, Reply)

Have him burnt alive by dragons
There's a guy in my office who isn't even my boss but he's the most irritating, patronising and lazy sod I've met in a long time. And he's got a very over-inflated sense of self-importance which is highly unjustified. And he always leaves the office early every afternoon, making out that he's been in early or is doing work related errands. Grrr.

Makes me angry. Hence, dragons.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 15:43, Reply)

Big-fish-in-little-pond syndrome
I know what you mean ... seen it before. Easy way to deal with them, they normally make their own rope to swing from so if they insist on talking over everyone and taking the lead the whole time even if they have no idea what they are doing ... let them. Defer to them. Ask their advice. Then, when it all goes wrong (inevitably), you become the invisible background guy and they get the blame.

My advice: Never be the man in charge ... be the man whispering advice to the man in charge. You'll last a lot longer!
(hangableautobulb is an anagram of the best album ever, on, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 16:11, Reply)

I'm going to:
Print out as many copies of the stupid up-their-own-arse e-mails I possibly can.

In as big a font possible I'm going to make sure to emphasise the fucking stupid cocknose phrases which are clear indications in your mind that you are some kind of Theo Paphitis slash God-like entity that roams the business clinching deals and making money.

"Going forward"
"Ping me an e-mail"
"Inspired"
"Rolling out"
"Many" fucking "Thanks".

Where was I? Oh yes I'm going to print out all your shitty snot-nosed e-mails and stick them so far up your asshole and clunge that you barf recycled paper. Until you die.
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 16:00, Reply)

I think I opened a can of worms here
Judging from these replies...

Is being deliberately idiotic in the job description of these people? I used to think the PHB (pointy-haired boss) of Dilbert was just a joke, but they exist (albeit in a PHB-cross-David-Brent hybrid form).

How can normal people turn into twunts? Or are bosses born that way?
(hangableautobulb is an anagram of the best album ever, on, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 16:07, Reply)

Have you tried signing all emails to him
with an accidental typo of

"Warm retards,
Dirty Weeker"
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 16:11, Reply)