I've just had a Russian electrician in my room explaining the cold war to me
shame as he was a total hottie, but what can you do. Anyhow, my question is this: If zombies walked the earth, how long do you think you'd survive, do you have any kind of back up plan and if so, what is it?
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 14:56, 74 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I've just finished reading World War Z again
I've got more chance than most of you punks of surviving.

plus I have access to fuel, guns, and food being grown all over the place.

I'm not telling you my plans though.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 14:57, Reply)

I shall live on a boat in the ocean.
Zombies can't swim.....FACT!
( girlinthehole, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 14:59, Reply)

no
but they can walk along the sea bottom and climb your anchor chain
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 15:01, Reply)

Yes but they won't know I'm there in the middle of the ocean will they.
I have thought this through you know.
( girlinthehole, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 15:06, Reply)

that's what you'll be thinking
right up until they start crawling over the gunwales and chewing on your flesh
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 15:08, Reply)

Pffft,
You've clearly not been on a big enough boat.
( Cawl, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 15:06, Reply)

I'd become a zombie asap
It'd be great to be able to eat human flesh without persecution.
( Captain V, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 15:01, Reply)

I've thought about this far too much,
I think my generation have the highest chance of success due to the ridiculous amount of time we have spent planning for this inneveitable zombie uprising.

I have 3 places in mind to go, depending on the severity of the zombies, how fast/smart they are. I really should get out more.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 15:01, Reply)

it's an important consideration
and frankly, any zombie escape scenario can easily be transferred to another emergency.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 15:02, Reply)

Talking of emergancies,
b3ta's going down tonight at midnight, try not to panic.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 15:04, Reply)

[citation needed]

( Cawl, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 15:05, Reply)

"Kaol is not Russian"
[citation needed]
( Captain V, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 15:07, Reply)

*flashes passport*
( Cawl, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 15:08, Reply)

Tha' sez 'Arlow, mate.

( Cawl, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 15:09, Reply)

That's worse than being Russian

( Captain V, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 15:10, Reply)

Oi, the guy who was doing stuff with the electrics was a total hottie and he was Russian

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 15:45, Reply)

go to /talk
cr3's put a message up.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 15:12, Reply)

Ah, I see.

( Cawl, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 15:14, Reply)

No you don't
You've got one of those special edition Helen Keller braille monitors because your eyes are shit.
( Captain V, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 15:15, Reply)

Wow, you're on form today!

( Cawl, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 15:16, Reply)

I'm powered by work induced craziness
With any luck I'll have moved into a new office by the end of the week and wont be driven mad by my proximity to retards.
( Captain V, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 15:20, Reply)

not sure I've ever been on b3ta at midnight
I don't think it will worry me
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 15:05, Reply)

Going down on who?

( Captain V, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 15:06, Reply)

I've got plans for
"safe-houses" in every location that I regularly spend time in.
At home, in the car and at work I've got suitable zombie-killing weapons.
I've got epic levels of paranoia.
I'd survive 'til I died of old age.
( Cawl, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 15:04, Reply)

No you wouldn't
You'd kill yourself by mistake. You'd chase after a frog with a knife-stick, trip and stab yourself in the face or something equally kaoltarded.
( Captain V, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 15:06, Reply)

Heeeeey V made a funny
laughs
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 15:07, Reply)

Maybe.
But the zombies wouldn't get me.

Also, I'm worried that if society collapses, I could easily die of a ruptured appendix.
Do you think I could fake appendicitis, so they remove it?
( Cawl, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 15:08, Reply)

the more likely problem
is someone else getting you killed

you can make all the plans you like but all it takes is one other moron to fuck it up.

or some quislings or something
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 15:09, Reply)

Possibly...
My two best friends have categorically stated that in the event of a Zombie Apocalypse they would shoot me on sight, as I'd be a far greater risk than the Living Dead.
( Cawl, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 15:15, Reply)

MTFU and cut it out yourself

( Captain V, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 15:10, Reply)

I don't have a plan *panics*

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 15:08, Reply)

I'll just get in the loft
and if I hear a zombie approach, I'll kill myself
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 15:09, Reply)

not the best of survival plans
if I'm honest
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 15:10, Reply)

I htink it's genius
I'm actually pissing myself at how brilliant it is.
No fuss.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 15:12, Reply)

What have you got to
Kill yourself with?
( Cawl, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 15:14, Reply)

a knife and a ligature.
Yes? No?
Oh! I'll use a Hoover to suck out all my air and I'll die that way!
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 15:15, Reply)

Gutted hoover boy
I really wish I'd seen you suffering with that one.
( Captain V, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 15:18, Reply)

Fuck off!
That was AN ACCIDENT!
( Cawl, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 15:18, Reply)

Funniest accident ever
And I didn't even witness it!
( Captain V, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 15:21, Reply)

Sorry Kaol...
but has provided me with a viable suicide option, should zombies attack
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 15:23, Reply)

What if the power
Has gone out?
( Cawl, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 15:30, Reply)

Wind up hoover
Obviously.
( Captain V, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 15:31, Reply)

I almost answered "back end of hairdryer"
I'm a moron today.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 15:33, Reply)

Today?

...
( Cawl, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 15:38, Reply)

cabrón!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 15:43, Reply)

Tu puta madre!

( Cawl, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 15:47, Reply)

vete a la mierda

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 15:49, Reply)

Cójale.

( Cawl, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 15:53, Reply)

cojones

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 15:54, Reply)

I live in the country
so hopefully it will take longer for the infection and/or zombie horde to reach me. This means I have more warning than you town/city dwellers who will be over-run within days.

My next door neighbour has 7 shotguns and I have axes and a sword. We should be able to hold out until Chuck Norris single handedly saves the world.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 15:19, Reply)

Pretty much this.
Rural location. Very easy access to shotguns. The key to the church next door, which has 4-foot-thick walls and windows that start 7 feet off the ground.
And a good quantity of weapons of my own.
( Cawl, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 15:22, Reply)

I will have to bring my chickens inside
One of my chickens ate a mouse at the weekend, I was shocked and/or stunned.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 15:34, Reply)

Woo!
My chickens (old ones, not the new lot) once ate a sparrow that had got into the run.
It's strange, you really don't expect to see that kind of thing!
( Cawl, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 15:38, Reply)

Ha! A sparrow is impressive.
The mouse was dead, I had just released it from the trap and one of my chooks grabbed it and swallowed it whole. Later on that day a squirrel ran off with the rat-trap (it wasnt primed).

It's all go here in Somerset.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 15:46, Reply)

I think tinned food is the answer.
I'm hoping that I can beat the mob to the local supermarket to stock up.

Meanwhile I would barricade the stairs to my house, as it's almost impossible to get access to the upper 2 floors through windows. We have a reasonable sized hot water tank which might see us through the early stages. I think a stock of gas to heat water with, maybe even light a fire on the roof on the nicer days and we can collect rain water if it doesn't harbour the infection.

It would simply be a case of getting enough supplies in as short a time as possible.

Then I'd spend the rest of my days trying to find ingenious ways of killing the undead.

Oh yes and living in the remote parts of the North Highlands means that hopefully we'll have a decent amount of warning.
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 15:23, Reply)

I'll ask my son.
He has some weird plan involving a local engine museum that has a well, a forge and reinforced steel doors. Which is close to a supermarket or something. Oh and I gave him book on swordmaking for easter. Should cover it.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Mon 22 Jun 2009, 15:23, Reply)

Book on sword-making?
Got a name or a link?
( Cawl, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 15:26, Reply)

If I remember rightly
It's the art and science of the Japanese swordmaker. I'll get the details for you tonight. If you want good basic instruction book on forgework and everything to do with it I can recommend a book for that too.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Mon 22 Jun 2009, 15:32, Reply)

For the safety of everybody...ever
Don't tell him.
( Captain V, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 15:34, Reply)

The basic forge-work sounds a better one for me.
I've just got my hands on a very basic workshop, so I'm looking to get started.
( Cawl, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 15:35, Reply)

I have plans
The power went off in our old building once. Within seconds I was fashioning a spear. Within minutes I'd determined (and voiced) the order in which my colleagues would break and have to be put down.

Sadly the power came on soon after.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 15:27, Reply)

Hahah!
I've got a pre-made "zombie-stick" under my desk.
It's a combination of a heavy bit of wood, metal studs and a big spike.
( Cawl, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 15:29, Reply)

As if I'd reveal my plan to this bunch!
I'll gaz you them instead. :)
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 15:32, Reply)

Still waiting :(

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 15:35, Reply)

sorry, I'm entrenched in battle with Zombies...
I mean, EDF and British Gas...
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 15:38, Reply)

Same thing, carry on
BT next. I played with them this morning regarding my mobile and as of July 11th it should be fully functioning again.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 15:46, Reply)

Northumberland
I've just got back from Northumberland, and its remote enough. Also the populace are as thick as zombies anyway so I could shoot on site regardless.

Lots of sexy sheep, so dinner and afters is sorted out.

I just need a truck for my books and stuff.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 15:46, Reply)

You haven't seen black sheep have you?

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 15:53, Reply)

Zombie Sheep!
Bloody hell, sheep are stupid enough without zombie features as well. In that case I'll take a flame thrower too, and plenty of mint sauce.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 17:19, Reply)

I've played dead rising
I think I'd be okay.
(Dangerous Disco Trev Isn't my real name, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 15:49, Reply)

Just don't drink the randomizer.

( Cawl, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 15:53, Reply)

Survival plan if zombies walk the earth:
A Bloody Mary first thing,
a bite at the King's Head,
couple at The Little Princess,
stagger back here and bang,
back at the bar for shots.

Better late than never I suppose.
( GarbageFan didn't know what to have as a board sig on, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 22:18, Reply)