I'm back from the wilderness folks!
I know you're all pleased to see me after such a long break. I'll try and whip up some salacious lies for QOTW.

For now tell me a secret.
(Stiff Richard, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 19:00, 56 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I have a breast fetish
and HH cup boobies do no justice for me.

must be slightly bigger
(smathels left-wing not feckin' chicken wing, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 19:05, Reply)

Fucking hell!
You must want to be smothered!
Wouldn't it do any good to just get a fat bird to sit on you and you could pretend they were her jubblies?
(Stiff Richard, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 19:07, Reply)

I still want my cock in one piece thanks

(smathels left-wing not feckin' chicken wing, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 19:13, Reply)

Fair does!

(Stiff Richard, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 19:17, Reply)

FUCK OFF PAEDOPHILE

(raymond "three griddle pans" luxury yacht lovin' the christmas action, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 21:40, Reply)

^ Big perv
=P
(smathels left-wing not feckin' chicken wing, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 19:09, Reply)

With the emphasis on
BIG!
(Stiff Richard, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 19:11, Reply)

www.jugy.com/view/3389/ped-pink/ NSFW

sorry what was that i couldn't see what you wrote over the tats
(smathels left-wing not feckin' chicken wing, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 19:16, Reply)

Fucking hell!

( Maladicta, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 19:20, Reply)

Comedy tits!

(Stiff Richard, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 19:21, Reply)

>< i know but there's worse
or better, for me better
(smathels left-wing not feckin' chicken wing, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 19:24, Reply)

FUCK OFF PAEDOPHILE

(raymond "three griddle pans" luxury yacht lovin' the christmas action, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 21:39, Reply)

FUCK OFF PAEDOPHILE
.
(raymond "three griddle pans" luxury yacht lovin' the christmas action, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 21:40, Reply)

FUCK OFF PAEDOPHILE

(raymond "three griddle pans" luxury yacht lovin' the christmas action, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 21:40, Reply)

I'm writing porn.
RIGHT NOW
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 19:12, Reply)

I would be
if my flatmate was at work.
( Maladicta, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 19:14, Reply)

I am AT work.
Everytime I hear my boss coming (hurr hurr) I hit save and exit.
Risky business, I tellyawhat.
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 19:25, Reply)

I felt naughty enough
writing personal emails at work yesterday; I alt-tab a lot and pray the boss doesn't come over when I've got my back to her... swear filter does limit what I can say though!

I also spent half an hour this evening composing a gaz in my Outlook and emailing it to my Gmail account to save me time tonight. And I've been carrying on writing porn in my head all day.
( Maladicta, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 19:28, Reply)

why can't you write it with your flatmate around?

( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 19:31, Reply)

Because he's my ex.
For some reason I don't feel comfortable writing nawty stuff around him.
( Maladicta, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 19:32, Reply)

oh, he induces your gag reflex, amirite?
it's hard (hurr hurr) to write porn whilst avoiding puking
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 19:35, Reply)

Nothing of the sort really; I'm still very fond of him.
However, he'd probably take the piss something rotten!
( Maladicta, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 19:37, Reply)

oh okay

( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 19:38, Reply)

Yeah, it's a strange situation; he doesn't really get the b3ta fascination.
I suspect if he did see the porn he'd either take the piss or be moderately aroused.
( Maladicta, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 19:41, Reply)

hey, sex without attachments, thats always good
always sometimes
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 19:46, Reply)

A double-edged sword, really.
Could go either way where we're concerned...
( Maladicta, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 19:50, Reply)

oh dear
should get other people to rate it too, but i reckon you have a funny ex there. id love it if a girl wrote a porn play for me =)
(smathels left-wing not feckin' chicken wing, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 19:51, Reply)

I have a proofreader who is not my ex
and encourages me to write such things, not to mention provides me with material to work with.

How would said porn play work?
( Maladicta, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 19:54, Reply)

sorry i ment you porn writings, i just had the thought you would "practice" them yourself

hell though you could possibly publish the stuff. used to sell that stuff all the time in Smithy's
(smathels left-wing not feckin' chicken wing, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 20:04, Reply)

That is the long term plan.
I've always wanted to be a published author, however I'm having trouble coming up with a good pseudonym since I have quite an unusual surname and my family would most likely disown me...
( Maladicta, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 20:09, Reply)

haha grim
I'd like to be published as well, but, I've no idea what to do, plus my last name is weird...are you me?
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 20:14, Reply)

Perhaps. That would be strange since we would then have to run at each other and be fused.
I might just make up a name that is very obviously not real - like Belle de Jour - and allow myself to be published like that.

However, my family disowning me might actually be a good thing...
( Maladicta, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 20:22, Reply)

Oooh, grand idea
what sort of name would you pick?

I'm so clueless when it comes to that sort of thing.
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 20:24, Reply)

Knowing me, something in French.
Madame l'allumeuse, I like.
( Maladicta, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 20:27, Reply)

Cool!
All based on what you got up to last night I bet!

And I'm guessing that you're sitting right now in lacy undies, silk stockings, high heels and smearing precum all over your breasts.

I'm right, aren't I?
(Stiff Richard, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 19:16, Reply)

I'd rent a copy!

(smathels left-wing not feckin' chicken wing, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 19:23, Reply)

But what if she's got small tits?
What if she's a bloke from Ipswich?
(Stiff Richard, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 19:25, Reply)

Then i shall burn it
bleach my eyeballs, then sit for an hour on boobtube
(smathels left-wing not feckin' chicken wing, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 19:42, Reply)

FUCK OFF PAEDOPHILE
.
(raymond "three griddle pans" luxury yacht lovin' the christmas action, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 21:41, Reply)

oh yeah, tooooootally based on what I did last night
me and this hot chick, right, we totally did it, man
I'm telling you, it was frickin saaaweeeeeet
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 19:29, Reply)

Indeed it was.

( Maladicta, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 19:33, Reply)

Was she a page 3 girl?
Oh I totally bet she was!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 19:34, Reply)

Naw, it was that girl Regina that lives next door
she totally let me put it in her
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 19:37, Reply)

Oh man, you're so lucky.
I once saw a girls norks, but before I could get any closer I lost control of my bodily functions.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 19:41, Reply)

I know i shouldn't say
...but i guessed you

"jizzed in your pants"

*starts jamming*
(smathels left-wing not feckin' chicken wing, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 19:43, Reply)

All of them?

( Maladicta, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 19:43, Reply)

All of the important ones, yes.

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 19:46, Reply)

Bet that was fun to clean up.
Like when royal family members die and release their lifetime's worth of wee and poo at once.
( Maladicta, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 19:47, Reply)

maybe if you pop over she'll let you put it in her too

( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 19:47, Reply)

I can't find the words for it.
It's a nice fluffeh secret but I'm having trouble vocalising it.
( Maladicta, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 19:14, Reply)

Just write it down

(Stiff Richard, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 19:21, Reply)

I sort of might be
a little bit smitten.
( Maladicta, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 19:25, Reply)

Have you fallen for someone
ONLINE!

If it's a certain guy with issues I warn you that he's very, very tall...and we all know that you're of the rather short persuasion...but you know what they say - we're all the same height in bed.
(Stiff Richard, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 19:28, Reply)

I couldn't possibly comment.
How is it that you know I'm so tiny?

I like 'em tall.
( Maladicta, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 19:29, Reply)

Tall?
It's not Kaol is it?

Even I know you're tiny, I know people who've met you.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 20:25, Reply)

It is not Kaol, no. Kaol has a lady.
Although I did give him a huge hug when I met him!

Yes, you were meant to come out with me and Clenders and Wookiee the night I broke myself in Russell Square I think...
( Maladicta, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 20:28, Reply)