Fuck
Just sprayed grapefruit juice in my eyes.

So this mornings question - If you could bite one person, who and where?

Edited because I can't spell.
(Potty Jag har smör i min rumpspringa, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 8:31, 72 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Stephen Fry
On the leg. Just because I could.
(Potty Jag har smör i min rumpspringa, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 8:31, Reply)

OH CHRIST MY BALLS HURT
OWOWOWOWOWOWOW
( mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 8:40, Reply)

Snipdesnip
Hahahahhaahhahahaa
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 8:42, Reply)

no snipping involved
it was more:
slice, slice, OW CHRIST!
( mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 9:07, Reply)

How bad is it?
Is your scrotum a good 4 times the size it was before? Can you walk without looking like John Wayne? Can you move faster than a waddle?

:edit: I'd bite Mictoboy on the nutsack.
( Captain V, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 8:48, Reply)

it's gone blue
i'm ringing the surgery
( mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 9:06, Reply)

That's not good
I'd be taking myself down to A&E myself but then I had testicular torsion so perhaps I'm a little paranoid. Fortunately I've still got my balls.

Does it feel like you've been kicked in the nuts?
( Captain V, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 9:08, Reply)

no
it feels like someone's really grabbed them and squeezed
( mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 9:11, Reply)

Hmmm
When I had my "complications" it felt like I'd just been kicked in the nuts (the point where you'd take a big, quick breath) but constantly. I can't remember the pain well enough to be certain but your description sounds like it could be a similar pain.

Going blue definitely concerns me, although I don't remember mine turning blue, as if they've somehow caught a blood vessel you're not going to be having much fun!

What have the surgery said?
( Captain V, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 9:15, Reply)

they're calling me back

( mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 9:24, Reply)

Aww I don't even have testicles
I feel so left out :(
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 9:28, Reply)

Wanna borrow some?

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 9:30, Reply)

Why do you have a
jar full of them or something?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 9:31, Reply)

Pickled or preserved?

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 9:35, Reply)

Well I don't think
I want to eat them so preserved will be fine. Maybe I'll make an Aussie styleee hat with balls instead of corks
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 9:37, Reply)

mmmm
sweetbreads
( mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 9:38, Reply)

Pancreas innit.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 9:43, Reply)

Rocky Mountain Oysters
Mmmm...
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 10:24, Reply)

Fair enough
Hope everything works out ok.

Looks like you might just need to have a wank: health.discovery.com/centers/sex/sexpedia/blueballs.html
( Captain V, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 9:33, Reply)

V also offers
a fluffer service if you need a bit of a hand fnar
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 9:34, Reply)

hahaha
fuck that
( mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 9:38, Reply)

Fuck that?
Bit of a challenge for you at the moment.
( thealternativefact, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 9:48, Reply)

Apply Deep Heat.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 8:52, Reply)

With sandpaper
And a brillo pad.
(Potty Jag har smör i min rumpspringa, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 8:54, Reply)

I would gently nibble
Salma Hayek's golden globes.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 9:00, Reply)

I think I'd bite the guy that posted this:
www.b3ta.com/questions/tramps/post470966

In the face.
( Cawl, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 9:36, Reply)

No way!
This is funny.
And true.
( thealternativefact, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 9:39, Reply)

haha
That is brilliant
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 9:40, Reply)

I think it's great,
But they need to be taught not to take the internet so seriously.
( Cawl, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 9:40, Reply)

I did respond to it yesterday when I saw it.
Some of the replies are funny.
( thealternativefact, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 9:42, Reply)

I know.
I'm thinking that I'm going to have to bring my legal advisor into this for libel.
( Cawl, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 9:43, Reply)

Oh...
I just read the guardian-bit.
Nice work :D
( Cawl, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 9:45, Reply)

No,
just go on there and say something lolarious about cancer.
OMG - that reminds me - someone I know received a text last week from a friend who'd just found out she had cancer? Can you imagine the text, Kaol?
( thealternativefact, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 9:45, Reply)

...
"Got cancer. Lol!"?
( Cawl, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 9:47, Reply)

Haaaaaaaaaahahahahaha

( thealternativefact, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 9:49, Reply)

I need to watch that again some time!
You watched Bill Hicks yet?
( Cawl, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 9:54, Reply)

Yeh I have.
He's funny, although I didn't laugh as much as I thought I would.
( thealternativefact, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 10:01, Reply)

A lot of it isn't
Laugh-out-loud stuff, but glad you liked it!
( Cawl, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 10:10, Reply)

You are in denial
And now that I've made that accusation you're forced to either admit that you're in denial or deny that you're in denial.

You can't win!
( Captain V, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 9:47, Reply)

I'm saying nothing.
I think you should read my sig though.
( Cawl, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 9:50, Reply)

I don't think you're in a position to comment on the sigs of others
with that thing trailing behind after you.
( thealternativefact, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 9:50, Reply)

I'm rarely in a position to comment on anything

( Captain V, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 9:52, Reply)

I think Kaol
The internet is a very serious place and actually the amount of internet bullying I have had to endure has resulted in many sessions of counciling and hug therapy
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 9:42, Reply)

Any excuse
*Hugs* and counsels after.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 3 Jul 2009, 10:05, Reply)

Kaol
Anywhere really - just to give him a taste of his own medicine. Although I believe the neck is the traditional spot for vampires...

/jumps on bandwagon
(berk, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 9:50, Reply)

God-fuckin' dammit boy.
*sighs*
( Cawl, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 9:53, Reply)

*chomp*
Speaking of which, where's our other favourite girl? Not seen him much since Glasto...
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 9:53, Reply)

Hurrah for berk
Are you Trapdoor's berk?
( thealternativefact, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 9:53, Reply)

I am indeed
O Sire!
(berk, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 10:33, Reply)

bah
i always get my hopes up that:
www.b3ta.com/users/profile.php?id=5086
has returned
( mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 10:28, Reply)

I would bite Paddy
because he spent most of Saturday gnawing my hands.
It really tickled.

Asides, who saw this and thought of someone on this site?
Maybe it was just me.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 9:55, Reply)

I would bite the hand that feeds me.
On the hand.


I'm upgrading my hangover from Hard Very Difficult to Severe based on the complications involved in standing up.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 10:05, Reply)

Ha!
Serves you right for saying you felt fine. I'm guessing you were still drunk and the hangover hadn't kicked in yet.
( Captain V, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 10:08, Reply)

It's likely.
No sore head, slight nausea, and a bruise from walking into a door handle. I intend to be just peachy by teatime.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 10:11, Reply)

I wouldn't describe that as a severe hangover
It's a normal morning, with some slight nausea.
( Captain V, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 10:12, Reply)

But I'm using climbing grades
so Severe is actually one of the lower ones. It's when I hit Extreme that you have to worry.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 10:14, Reply)

So your mildest hangover is graded as hard?
What a retarded system.
( Captain V, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 10:17, Reply)

Aye,
that's the adjectival grade system for you. Well, there's Mod and Diff beneath HVD but no one climbs those, they're used as routes down. The hangover equivalent would be being quite thirsty but having clear recollection of the preceding evening.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 10:20, Reply)

mmm..nostalgia
i remember seconding an E2
( mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 10:30, Reply)

Seconding don't count -
according to my climbing partner, but he was leading an E2 at the time so he was biased.

An E2 hangover would be sore head, nausea, co-ordination problems, some memory loss and the comment "I probably shouldn't have had that last drink".
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 10:33, Reply)

I will bite anyone who can fix the leaking radiator in my bedroom!!
It is currently being staved off by a jug and a towel while I'm in work calculating when I'll need to go home and empty the receptacle...
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 10:25, Reply)

where is it leaking from?

( mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 10:29, Reply)

It's the actual panel
I think there's a crack. So there's little hope of fixing anything with a spanner...
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 10:31, Reply)

duct tape

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 10:33, Reply)

Really?
How long will that hold?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 10:34, Reply)

Dunno.
It doesn't hold car wing mirrors on for long, but it's usually good with metal stuff. That's what it was designed for. Also, it means you can go to Maplins and buy duct tape, and I love doing that because I am a sad geek with no life.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 10:40, Reply)

I have no idea where my nearest Maplins is
but I'll go to Rapid Hardware, because it's law in Liverpool that you get all your Hardware at Rapid Hardware. It takes up a whole street.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 10:42, Reply)

I'd fix it right-good.
I need a welding torch and a hammer.
( Cawl, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 10:36, Reply)

that's exactly what's needed, methinks.
That or a new radiator.

I like welders.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 10:41, Reply)

Welders the people,
Or welders the burny things?
( Cawl, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 10:42, Reply)

The people
and their masks.
And I suppose the burny things to a lesser extent because I walked into a blowtorch when I was 9 and went on fire!
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 10:43, Reply)

Hugh Jackman
On the shoulder. Not hard.
( Maladicta, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 18:41, Reply)