Evening cunts
How've your weekends been? Sad to go back to work tomorrow? SADFACES ALL ROUND. I've had a lovely weekend of doing bugger all yesterday in the sun and then going to the V&A today and the pub for dinner after. I'm now watching Night at the museum 2 and my important question for you is...

If you were to be any artifact in any museum in the world. What would you be and where?

I'd be one of the exhibits at the now defunct MOMI on the South bank.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 19:48, 58 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Howdy!
In Cardiff museum there's a life-size model of a basking shark. I would be that so I could trap annoying kids that go to the museum in my mouth like a giant meaty prison.
( Mellicious is made of candy, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 19:58, Reply)

I reckon I'ld quite like to be something fun and interactive.
Or maybe some impressive display of technology.

At The Science Musiem, they got a huge three-story thing of pipes with messages. I'ld quite like to be that.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 20:14, Reply)

I would be Matilda,
a British Infantry Tank in the Imperial War Museum.
I would start driving around, flattening tourists. I would also poke my gun into the shop's pick-and-mix section.
( thealternativefact, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 20:16, Reply)

Rubs thighs

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 20:18, Reply)

*pokes gun*

( thealternativefact, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 20:30, Reply)

Jiggles

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 20:44, Reply)

Tutankhamen's death mask in the Cairo Museum of Antiquities
So I could shout 'Boo!' at anyone looking through the glass.

Also, it's quite a lot of bling. Aii.
(Miraclefish How appropriate, you fight like a cow, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 20:26, Reply)

I'd like to be the most beautiful thing in the museum.
Small, delicate and revered. I'd be the best selling postcard in the museum shop and young artistic men would spend hours staring at me.

Shallow? moi?
( girlinthehole, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 20:28, Reply)

A lol18thcenturyart.

I R IN UR GRDNZ DANCIN 2 UR CHOONZ
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 20:31, Reply)

You're that midget to her left looking up her skirt.
You fucking midgets - you're all the same to look at.
( thealternativefact, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 20:33, Reply)

LOOK ! MIDGET RACEST !

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 20:43, Reply)

I was thinking the same too to be fair Gonz ,)
Just I was too slow considerate to post it
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 20:44, Reply)

I was a bit confused;
I didn't think V was posting in this thread.


/Sorry.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 20:47, Reply)

Being a b3tan means never having to say you're sorry.
Especially if you're bullying V.
( thealternativefact, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 20:54, Reply)

I'm not sure if I'm enuff ov uh b3tan yet.
From now on, I will never apologise.

NEVAR.

Sorry.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 20:55, Reply)

Don't make me chase you with the back of my hand

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 20:58, Reply)

Sorry!



I think I genuinely have a problem with saying sorry. It makes for some weird conversations.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 21:00, Reply)

Cunts
in the fuck
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 21:02, Reply)

*deletes post*

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 21:03, Reply)

GTFO
and go to the South Pole and think about what you have done.
And don't give me any, 'Oh but my knee hurts,' crap either.
(Flid James carry on, mongs, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 21:09, Reply)

*salutes sadly*
*loops the loop in fighter jet*
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 21:10, Reply)

Don't worry.
It was my intention to be a MIDGET RACEST.
( thealternativefact, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 20:51, Reply)

Those giant metal slides that were in the Tate Modern once.
I'd like to be ridden.

EDIT:
Though if I could look like anyone in a work of art, I'd love to look like the girl pulling Hylas' arm. But with bigger tits.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 20:32, Reply)

Don't we all : P

( girlinthehole, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 20:34, Reply)

that's fucking odd
i went to school with a girl who looked EXACTLY like that (facially at least, i never got to see her tits)
oddly enough, i fancied her something rotten but didn't ever get up the courage to talk to her.

i feel odd now

edit: i shall say 'odd' again
( mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 20:52, Reply)

There was a girl who looked like one of those sort of paintings 3 years above me
I used to stare at her in assembly, and think how beautiful she was.

I do have some genuinely stunning friends :(

/lezzer
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 20:55, Reply)

There's something about the look of pre-raphalite women that says.....
Take me now..... and from behind.
( girlinthehole, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 20:55, Reply)

Sometimes my mother says I look a bit like a pre-Raphaelite.
Other times she just says I'm fat.


Hehe, taking from behind...
I had to explain to a friend that anal and taking from behind are NOT THE SAME THING.
As I have the holy trinity of Things I Will Never Do (I Think). They are: smack, crack, and anal.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 20:57, Reply)

One thing I have learnt in life is never say never.
Edit - I'm more Rubenesque.
( girlinthehole, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 20:59, Reply)

This is
me.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 21:02, Reply)

Haha!
I was going to say I was more Freudian.
( girlinthehole, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 21:03, Reply)

I'm really fucking sleepy anyway.
In other news, Cherry Berry Lemonade is AWESOME.

Not really sure what happened after I had one of those and 3 gins.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 21:06, Reply)

I thought it was Lucien Freud
I didn't want to guess in case I was wrong:S
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 21:07, Reply)

You don't know what you're missing out on love
And no I'm not saying which one
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 21:01, Reply)

Oh, it's definitely the smack.
I hear it's a riot.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 21:06, Reply)

Smack, Crack and Anal...
'I've got a great idea for sexing-up breakfast cereals!'
(Miraclefish How appropriate, you fight like a cow, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 21:08, Reply)

Strangely enough, that's already been said.
Slagger's Delight?
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 21:09, Reply)

I will buy this
and have breakfast three times a day.
(Flid James carry on, mongs, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 21:10, Reply)

Now with three exciting flavours!
Speckly letter Hs! Sugary rocks! And Chocolate Starfishes! Mmmmm!
(Miraclefish How appropriate, you fight like a cow, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 21:14, Reply)

That's actually brilliant.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 21:17, Reply)

I do try
Of course I frequently fail, but I'm all about the bouncebackability.
(Miraclefish How appropriate, you fight like a cow, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 21:36, Reply)

The only thing that might not be brilliant are the cereal equivient of smack
Though you can make up for it in advertising it as "lip-smackingly good"

I'll try and see if I can come up with anything better.

All I've got is "golden brown flakes"
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 22:05, Reply)

You'd better go to the doctor.

( thealternativefact, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 22:17, Reply)

*parps*

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 22:27, Reply)

Hmm cereal-based brown?
Speckly dragons? Foil wrapped for freshness?
(Miraclefish How appropriate, you fight like a cow, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 22:27, Reply)

Definitely like "foilwrapped"
You'll need-le this to start your day.
It's so good, it alters your mind and relaxes your sphincter.

Wait, what?
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 22:30, Reply)

It's heading back down the anal route again...
Fnarr.

'Kick start your day with an injection of Smack, Crack and Anal cereal - it's grrrrrrrrrr give me your wallet or I'll stab you! Now foil wrapped for freshness'
(Miraclefish How appropriate, you fight like a cow, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 22:32, Reply)

Smack your lips- it's time to crack open a bowl of SMACK CRACK 'N ANAL.
In your arse.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 22:34, Reply)

Did she have no nipples as well?
How's your balzac by the way old chum?
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 20:56, Reply)

Not quite as drum-tight as it used to be!
:P

Sorry, couldn't resist.

Can't beat literary juvenalia:)
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 21:02, Reply)

Yesterday I was gardening
and my legs hurt from all the weed pulling. Who wants to rub my thighs?

Museum.. erm I'd be a cursed monkey hand and I'd grant people wishes but fuck them up bedazzeled styleee
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 21:07, Reply)

Only if you help fix my hurty thumb
I rode to Belgium and back in 36 hours. I'm not sure why...

Also I want a go with your monkey hand in return.
(Miraclefish How appropriate, you fight like a cow, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 21:40, Reply)

You may have a wish on the monkey hand

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 21:57, Reply)

Now that's a phrase
I never thought I'd hear, but I dreamed I would...

Can I wish for a giant robot? Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease?
(Miraclefish How appropriate, you fight like a cow, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 22:21, Reply)

Yup
Here you go *magics* It's 100 foot tall and has landed on your house though squashing everything you own. Also it's completely hollow and thus does nothing.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 22:26, Reply)

Oh the cruel intricicies of fate!
Pffft. I should have known.

Never trust enchanted primate limbs...when will I learn?
(Miraclefish How appropriate, you fight like a cow, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 22:28, Reply)

I've had a lovely weekend
I'm not entirely convinced Bristol isn't a shit hole but my opinion of it has improved. I've been introduced to spaced, tried some lovely cider (kind of like a desert wine) and I'm about to watch In Bruges.

Apparently I've got a ceiling to paint now though. Thanks Clendrix!
( Captain V, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 21:17, Reply)

You're welcome, my darling.

( thealternativefact, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 21:18, Reply)