Pop quiz, hotshot!
You're losing an argument. You know you're going to lose. Your reasoning is full of holes and your opponent seems to have all the right answers.

What do you do? WHAT DO YOU DO?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 9:53, 32 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Punch them right in the balls.
If it's a woman, obviously you act the gentleman and give them a hearty backhanded slap.
( Cawl, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 9:54, Reply)

Cunt punt
or tit box
( Bazongaloid, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 9:58, Reply)

Of course not.
I'm an English Gentleman, not a woman-beating ragamuffin.
( Cawl, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 10:01, Reply)

an English Gentleman, not
( Bazongaloid, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 10:02, Reply)

answer everything they say with "so's your face"
instant win
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 9:54, Reply)

I'd like to say:
Admit I'm wrong and move on.

What I'd actually do:
Try to change the subject to something I'm in the right about, failing that lie.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 9:55, Reply)

If things got
To a desperate level, I bet you'd cry.
( Cawl, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 9:56, Reply)

She would cry
as soon as the going got tough. It's what women do.
( Bazongaloid, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 9:58, Reply)

stop *gasp*
being *gasp*
mean to *gasp*
ME!!!!!!
(PsychoChomp, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 10:04, Reply)

Start countering their facts with
"if that's what YOU want to believe." Be smug about it too. With practice you can get them to totally lose their rag - at which point, of course, you've won.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 9:59, Reply)

Let's try this in a pretend real-life situation shall we?
So you didn't collect my dry-cleaning like I asked you to this morning?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 10:02, Reply)

He sold it to a homeless man.
For a sip of Special Brew.
( Cawl, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 10:03, Reply)

I'd rather drink turps
Oh wait, it was turps, just in a Special Brew can.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 10:07, Reply)

If that's what you want to believe.
*smug*
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 10:07, Reply)

oh god I just laughed
and then shooty ouchypain made me stop. but that still made me chuckle more then anything else today! ta m'love!
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 8 Jul 2009, 10:11, Reply)

Point out that whatever they are arguing for
is something that Hitler stood for.
( Bazongaloid, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 10:02, Reply)

that's an autolose for any argument.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 10:05, Reply)

That's what Hitler used to say.

( Bazongaloid, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 10:09, Reply)

Ahaha!

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 10:13, Reply)

I like to say
As a woman am I am not bound by the same realms of logic you are thus I win.
*pout*
*flounce*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 10:05, Reply)

You forgot
*flutter*
*jiggle*
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 10:06, Reply)

I thought the jiggling
was a given
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 10:07, Reply)

That what Hitler thought.
Now look at him.
( Bazongaloid, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 10:25, Reply)

If that's what you want to believe

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 10:53, Reply)

As a woman
You're not bound by any form of logic that actually makes sense in the real world!


I really don't get the whole female logic thing
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 10:25, Reply)

female logic
it's an oxymoron, like military intelligence or scottish cuisine.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 10:53, Reply)

How dare you
Scottish cuisine is rather refined, and very tasty.

Just not a lot of the crap like deep fried anything!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:10, Reply)

Shoot the hostage

(bill, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 10:13, Reply)

Then
Nuke the country from orbit, it's the only way to be sure!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 10:26, Reply)

My favourite
is when the person becomes so animated that they try and butt in I assertively state "I've shown you the courtesy of listening to your points now I'd be obliged if you would do likewise".

Moral high ground claimed ftw.
(SpunkyMcSpunkbubble Diddled your nubbin on, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 10:26, Reply)

A drunken error
was to argue that "You're only being argumentative because you got the fucking painters in and you're on a blob strop!".
(SpunkyMcSpunkbubble Diddled your nubbin on, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 10:28, Reply)

Suddenly start arguing a series of completely different points
Which have nothing to do with the original argument, and which I know I am sure to win.

Eventually, the argument gets so convoluted, the other person can't actually remember what the original problem was, thus securing victory in my favour.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 10:46, Reply)