Alright, bastards?
I have just been to the loo. You don't need to know the details, but when it came to wiping I noticed that her indoors has bought a certain brand of loo paper (that rhymes with 'Charming') that has imprints of bears on it. That put me right off, wiping myself on the face of a bear.

Otherwise, let the bickering, sniping and cuntery commence!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 19:52, 75 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Listen, if the awnser is no, it's no, I don't mind.
But I just thought, seeing as how I'm gonna get a prozzy tomorow, and how I've put aside twenty five quid for it, I might as well make you the offer. Seeing as how I think your misses quite likes me, but don't worry, I won't do that 'transferance' thing and fall in love with her or anything like that, just a quick polish off, job-done. I figure while she's sleepin' 'round anyway, might as well go for it, know what I mean?
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 19:58, Reply)

Seems like a fair offer to me
My professional opinion is that DiT should accept this chance to get £25 tax free.
(cheeses swept kissed a dog and he liked it., Wed 8 Jul 2009, 20:09, Reply)

I got some duetys down the pub the other week.
I can chuck a few of 'em in too, if it helps.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 20:13, Reply)

I approve of this too

(cheeses swept kissed a dog and he liked it., Wed 8 Jul 2009, 20:15, Reply)

£30 and we have a deal.
Except we don't. She's mine! All mine! Mwahahaha! And I've met her IRL and everything!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 20:25, Reply)

I've just realised, this could be taken as a bit too much in an offensive way.
I'm going to retract my offer and pretend I'm joking now.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 20:16, Reply)

As DiT's legal representation I have to inform you
that a written offer for services has been made and cannot be rescinded now.
(cheeses swept kissed a dog and he liked it., Wed 8 Jul 2009, 20:20, Reply)

This looks suspiciously like a HSH thread to me DiT
Needs more cowbell
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 20:02, Reply)

Ewww there's a bloke with a spotty cock on tv right now

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 20:05, Reply)

Is it DiT?

(cheeses swept kissed a dog and he liked it., Wed 8 Jul 2009, 20:13, Reply)

Thankfully no, there's a morbidly obese girl on there now

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 20:14, Reply)

Is it DiT?

(cheeses swept kissed a dog and he liked it., Wed 8 Jul 2009, 20:14, Reply)

I don't think so
eyes are too small
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 20:16, Reply)

Tits are the right size, though.

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 20:26, Reply)

Nah, too jiggly

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 20:30, Reply)

Whereas mine are very firm.

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 20:32, Reply)

Cowbell?
Besides, I did mention cuntery. I guess you'd have spotted that if you weren't constantly masturbating.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 20:24, Reply)

Yes cowbell dear boy, COW BELL
Oh so I'm not allowed to have a ladywank now. FINE.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 20:26, Reply)

I'm jut saying that when you ladywank
you have to try and concentrate.

*plays banjo*
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 20:27, Reply)

Oh I noticed, only it needs cuntery and cowbell
and blackjack
and hookers
and MOAR BEER
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 20:28, Reply)

As DiT's legal representation
I have to inform you that DiT considers landywanking to be perfectly acceptable in all circumstances, except when said lady is a minger.
(cheeses swept kissed a dog and he liked it., Wed 8 Jul 2009, 20:28, Reply)

You've got nothing on INTERNETLAWYERMAN
He always says nice things to me
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 20:29, Reply)

I wasn't being mean
I was stating that if you were a minger then your ladywanking would be unacceptable, but as your not, it's fine.
(cheeses swept kissed a dog and he liked it., Wed 8 Jul 2009, 20:34, Reply)

Are you sure?
are you sure?
Are you sure?

I can take it.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 20:36, Reply)

*places dog behind you*

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 20:38, Reply)

Falls on cue

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 20:39, Reply)

*waves visa in face*
*cheeses it*
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 20:41, Reply)

Ta, Lawyer.
Send me the invoice in the post. Will you take payment in bodily fluids?
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 20:31, Reply)

yours or your mrs?

(cheeses swept kissed a dog and he liked it., Wed 8 Jul 2009, 20:33, Reply)

Actually scrap that
I want payment in Clendrix juice.
(cheeses swept kissed a dog and he liked it., Wed 8 Jul 2009, 20:33, Reply)

Hmm.
Mine, I think.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 20:33, Reply)

Who else thinks that the youngest blonde McQueen out of Hollyoaks
is the fittest. I realise that's not a great comparison.
(cheeses swept kissed a dog and he liked it., Wed 8 Jul 2009, 20:21, Reply)

I don't watch hollyoaks.
I have recently rediscovered Jayne Middlemiss. Ah, the mid-90's.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 20:27, Reply)

oh no
no no no... She's a total gimp. i want to smack her silly, and make her wash her too much make upped for a childs face!

:P
(weekirst23 Is broken! Silly ice. Silly High heels!, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 20:29, Reply)

But, of the four of them
you have stretch faced harriden, surgically enhanced retard, typical chav, and her.
(cheeses swept kissed a dog and he liked it., Wed 8 Jul 2009, 20:31, Reply)

can i pick
the one what died?
(weekirst23 Is broken! Silly ice. Silly High heels!, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 20:36, Reply)

Christ, you actually watch that shit
I thought only Gonz was stupid/perverted enough to watch it
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 20:37, Reply)

car crash tv
Can't help myself

Also i was unemployed for AGES... you get to watch a LOT of tv :)
(weekirst23 Is broken! Silly ice. Silly High heels!, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 20:38, Reply)

I was unemployed for 3 months, hell I still am until Monday
I never watched that shit though. I watched Prison break and Shameless instead
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 20:40, Reply)

Shameless is shit though.
A programme about ghastly northerners on a grotty estate living their grotesque lives. It's more of a documentary really, innit?

EDIT: OPINIONS! ONLINE!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 20:42, Reply)

Fuck off, you haven't actually seen it have you? I know because I thought that until I watched it
and fell in girly love with James McAvoy *sighs*
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 20:47, Reply)

I've seen a few episodes.
But I'll give it another shot on your recommendation.

James McAvoy is excellent though. Very good in Wanted.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 20:49, Reply)

I heart him
not so much as a spastic in Inside I'm dancing, but I did find myself pondering bestiality when I saw Narnia
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 20:53, Reply)

pretty
he is a very pretty man

I could just spread him on a cracker....
(weekirst23 Is broken! Silly ice. Silly High heels!, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 20:57, Reply)

MINE

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 21:00, Reply)

As your legal representative
I advise you to disregard this advice, Shameless is shit.
(cheeses swept kissed a dog and he liked it., Wed 8 Jul 2009, 20:54, Reply)

Fuck off fuck off fuck off

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 20:57, Reply)

I'm afraid you're wrong here
go and have a ladywank until you feel better.
(cheeses swept kissed a dog and he liked it., Wed 8 Jul 2009, 20:59, Reply)

Duly noted
But you're still wrong. I'll have an angrywank over a picture I have of you that's really horrible
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 21:01, Reply)

It's not the one Madam M made is it?

(cheeses swept kissed a dog and he liked it., Wed 8 Jul 2009, 21:03, Reply)

Which one is that? Don't think I've seen it.
This is one that I don't think you've seen, it's horrific
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 21:10, Reply)

I'm glad you haven't seen it
she promised not to show anyone else.
(cheeses swept kissed a dog and he liked it., Wed 8 Jul 2009, 21:13, Reply)

Oh that one, nah it wasn't so hot, but the one I have now is...
beautific almost
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 21:14, Reply)

Gaz it to me

(cheeses swept kissed a dog and he liked it., Wed 8 Jul 2009, 21:19, Reply)

No way
This is my wank picture, not to be distributed
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 21:21, Reply)

You've been in the loo for a week?
It's not the oddest explanation for an absence...
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 20:50, Reply)

What?

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 20:53, Reply)

I advise you to ignore this person

(cheeses swept kissed a dog and he liked it., Wed 8 Jul 2009, 20:55, Reply)

Ok
easily done
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 20:57, Reply)

Do you have a spreadsheet?
I've been around. Oh yes. But last night I was at a WORLD PREMIERE and I stood next to Tim Burton. I was going to ask him if I could be in his next film, but I bottled it. For this reason, I shall never be in films. :(
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 20:55, Reply)

Did you get a moist?

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 20:58, Reply)

Did you get a semi?

(cheeses swept kissed a dog and he liked it., Wed 8 Jul 2009, 20:58, Reply)

Slightly.
Then I saw Emma Watson and I was soaked.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 21:00, Reply)

Did you jizz on her tits?

(cheeses swept kissed a dog and he liked it., Wed 8 Jul 2009, 21:00, Reply)

Her security is actually very good.

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 21:03, Reply)

You only hit her stomach then?

(cheeses swept kissed a dog and he liked it., Wed 8 Jul 2009, 21:04, Reply)

I got Dan Radcliffe.

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 21:05, Reply)

Mmmmmm
Good shot. I bet Rupert Grinch licked it off him afterwards.
(cheeses swept kissed a dog and he liked it., Wed 8 Jul 2009, 21:06, Reply)

Like a crazed horse snaffling crack laced carrots.

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 21:07, Reply)

Mindbleach please

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 21:10, Reply)

I have some here for you...
Now, hold out your hand...
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 21:12, Reply)

pokes with a big stick instead

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 21:15, Reply)

I've got a...
Oh, forget it.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 21:21, Reply)

Brand new combine harvester?
or a visa?
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 21:24, Reply)

hahahaha, I saw her pants
PANTS
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 21:01, Reply)