Right that thread seems to have died,
but I did enjoy laughing at peoples failures with the opposite sex.

Why are you single? and if you're not what's the most likely thing you'll do to ruin your current relationship?
(PsychoChomp, Mon 24 Aug 2009, 15:34, 70 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

As has this one,
I might as well talk to myself.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 24 Aug 2009, 15:41, Reply)

I'm not sure if I'm currently single.
I'm trying to be, though. I seem to have got stuck with someone I don't much like a lot of the time, and whom I don't much fancy. The relationship doesn't make me happy. However, I seem unable actually to end it; it's taking a long time to die.

I've tried the "I don't want to go out with you any more" approach; I've tried neglect; I've tried "I dislike your child". None works.

Arse.
(Gravity's Raincoat, Mon 24 Aug 2009, 15:46, Reply)

Hire a skywriter.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 24 Aug 2009, 15:48, Reply)

A very good idea.
Or I could hire a bomber. She's not much of a reader.
(Gravity's Raincoat, Mon 24 Aug 2009, 15:59, Reply)

I like you
.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 Aug 2009, 16:49, Reply)

Why am I single?
Because I waited 44 years to pick the right guy and still picked the wrong one.

*gives up*
( girlinthehole, Mon 24 Aug 2009, 15:47, Reply)

I'm single for a variety of reasons.
Probably the biggest is I haven't realised that beggars can't be choosers.
And even beggars have standards, hence none stooping to mine.



But that's beside the point.

Do you want anything more to laugh at, my dear lady?
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 24 Aug 2009, 15:48, Reply)

cunt men flock to women with low self esteem like flys on shit.
Stop being so down on yourself you emo.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 24 Aug 2009, 15:51, Reply)

Hey, I'm a teenager. It comes with the territory.
No one knows why I like the guy I REALLY fancy. I don't. He doesn't. All our/his friends give me funny looks when I tell them I do.

I have low self esteem because I put on a lot of weight rapidly (that I'm now trying to lose...2 stone in 4 months? Hmm) and generally feel I'm unattractive. I thought I was into a great guy, who seemed to like me, do all the running, had the start of a good, although not great, relationship. Then he turns around and dumps me for being ugly.

Woo!
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 24 Aug 2009, 15:54, Reply)

Stay away from men until you are psycholigically ready to date.
Difficult in the short term but better in the long term.
( girlinthehole, Mon 24 Aug 2009, 15:58, Reply)

I'm just hoping uni will be a fresh start...

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 24 Aug 2009, 16:07, Reply)

It should be
it was for me.
Good luck :-)
(Evilweevil is covered in bees, Mon 24 Aug 2009, 16:17, Reply)

Teenagers are stupid,
stop thinking about boys so much.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 24 Aug 2009, 16:02, Reply)

Cheers for that.
I don't need to stay away from boys. They stay away from me.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 24 Aug 2009, 16:07, Reply)

shut up,
you're probably more attractive than most people in the country.
So cheer up
(PsychoChomp, Mon 24 Aug 2009, 16:14, Reply)

Someone has to.
Although points for the most roundabout, grumpy approach I've seen to date.



You big lezza.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 24 Aug 2009, 16:18, Reply)

you can't talk to a woman on here without that being rolled out.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 24 Aug 2009, 16:24, Reply)

Not true.
You can't be nice to a woman on here without that being rolled out.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 24 Aug 2009, 16:31, Reply)

I doubt Lampito considered what I said particularly nice.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 24 Aug 2009, 16:33, Reply)

Comparatively,
it may well be the nicest thing you've ever said to anyone on b3ta.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 24 Aug 2009, 16:34, Reply)

Everything I say is meant in a nice way,
it's just you lot are too retarded to understand it.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 24 Aug 2009, 16:39, Reply)

'You sound a bit like a cunt.'
This was one of your nicer efforts.
(Flid James carry on, mongs, Mon 24 Aug 2009, 16:41, Reply)

I said "a bit of"
see, I was being nice.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 24 Aug 2009, 16:43, Reply)

Which bit?

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 24 Aug 2009, 16:44, Reply)

It was a compliment in the way my bezzie gives them.
Anything is appreciated. Thanks.

I know how annoying it is to actively seek pandering. So I'll stop bitching about my appearance.

URGH. I'm in a bit of a better mood now; went out of a drugrun (putting in prescriptions) and had a walk in the rain. Then did a bit of cooking. I'm a bit more at peace with the world.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 24 Aug 2009, 17:24, Reply)

^This
If you don't break the cycle now then you will always attract cunts.

You're still young enough to change.
( girlinthehole, Mon 24 Aug 2009, 15:54, Reply)

I'm single because
I was in a relationship for 3 1/2 years before being dumped and now have little faith in women, also don't get out that much.
I'm amazing really.
(Evilweevil is covered in bees, Mon 24 Aug 2009, 16:01, Reply)

well duh
I'm fat and ugly
golly
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 24 Aug 2009, 16:08, Reply)

plus I don't go out or speak to new people often enough
and I refuse to join a dating website
I hate dating
etc etc etc
I'm quite content right now
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 24 Aug 2009, 16:17, Reply)

This
dating is generally shit,
Either I get bored by them, or I get nervous and drink too much.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 24 Aug 2009, 16:19, Reply)

Just saw this
and agree.
I tend to respond to other people so if they're shy we end up in silence while I ask them the odd question to which they reply.
Either that or I drink a bit.
(Evilweevil is covered in bees, Mon 24 Aug 2009, 16:21, Reply)

...and then put out when you shouldn't and they never respect you in the morning,
and the whole office laughs at you when you turn up in last night's dress with snail trails on the back where he wiped his cock.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 24 Aug 2009, 16:21, Reply)

I dated a guy earlier in the year who didn't feel it was necessary to tell me he already had a girlfriend
his brilliant response to my anger "you didn't ask"
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 24 Aug 2009, 16:25, Reply)

ha ha,
what a cunt,
(PsychoChomp, Mon 24 Aug 2009, 16:26, Reply)

srsly
he didn't see it as an issue, especially the fact that he'd moved in with his girlfriend, of three years, while we were dating
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 24 Aug 2009, 16:30, Reply)

Dating websites
are rubbish.
(Evilweevil is covered in bees, Mon 24 Aug 2009, 16:20, Reply)

I am single because my other halves keep finding out about my other other halves.
Perhaps I should refer to them as other thirds. Or other quarters if it's a good week.

Actually, the only female I've seen in a fortnight was a polar bear, that probably doesn't help.
(Edmund has no idea what you mean, Mon 24 Aug 2009, 16:15, Reply)

You sound a bit like a cunt.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 24 Aug 2009, 16:28, Reply)

I like the ladies, and they like me. I see no reason not to spread myself around a bit.
It's only when they find out that it becomes a problem.
(Edmund has no idea what you mean, Mon 24 Aug 2009, 16:32, Reply)

I like to spread myself around too.

(Flid James carry on, mongs, Mon 24 Aug 2009, 16:33, Reply)

'Old on a minnit
Where've YOU been?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 24 Aug 2009, 16:39, Reply)

fake account I think
real vc is poppet.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 24 Aug 2009, 16:40, Reply)

Yes, I thought I was being cunning and trappy.
:-(
I'll never be in the know round 'ere!
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 24 Aug 2009, 16:41, Reply)

I know who it really is,
you've got three guesses.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 24 Aug 2009, 16:42, Reply)

Is it you?
is it you?
is it you?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 24 Aug 2009, 16:43, Reply)

no
no
no
I don't do comedy accounts.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 24 Aug 2009, 16:44, Reply)

especially not ^this one

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 24 Aug 2009, 16:49, Reply)

haven't a clue

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 24 Aug 2009, 16:44, Reply)

most boring game ever,
I won't say though, they'll get annoyed at me online.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 24 Aug 2009, 16:45, Reply)

I missed being VC.

(Flid James carry on, mongs, Mon 24 Aug 2009, 16:42, Reply)

Like a baby stingray?

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 24 Aug 2009, 16:41, Reply)

this is not the real edmund
this one actually is a fighter pilot/antarctic explorer.

whereas the other is a lying bigamist.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 24 Aug 2009, 16:34, Reply)

How very dare you!
I am the genuine article sir, just ask your missus.
(Edmund has no idea what you mean, Mon 24 Aug 2009, 16:39, Reply)

in-fi-del-i-ty.
cant help it.

Although thus far she has turned a blind eye, bless her.

She wont let me leave her so I must be doing something right.

rafter
baz
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Mon 24 Aug 2009, 16:28, Reply)

shit boyfriend.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 24 Aug 2009, 16:29, Reply)

Yup!
Some chicks like to be put down upon.
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Mon 24 Aug 2009, 16:33, Reply)

I'm quite determined to see the lady only at weekends
I get in from work around 6pm and generally having been wound up by twats all day, want to spend the little spare time I have lounging around, drinking tea, playing computer games, listening to my music and watching man shows and football.

All very hassle-free, all very straight forward.

It's just now this girl really seems to be wanting to spend more time with me, which isn't a huge problem, it's just that most days it doesn't really cut the mustard if I'm to say "Erm, I think I'd rather play *insert nerd game here* tonight... Speak on Saturday?"
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Mon 24 Aug 2009, 16:28, Reply)

shit boyfriend.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 24 Aug 2009, 16:29, Reply)

I know...
What a cunt!
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Mon 24 Aug 2009, 16:31, Reply)

I mostly only see mine at weekends because she lives about 200km away.
I used to live in the same city but then I moved.
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Mon 24 Aug 2009, 16:32, Reply)

I think when
he finds out I used to be a man it may come to an end.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 24 Aug 2009, 16:34, Reply)

Your moustache will give you away.

(Flid James carry on, mongs, Mon 24 Aug 2009, 16:35, Reply)

Nah, he's known for ages.
Tucking your cock between your legs is not the same thing as a sex change.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 24 Aug 2009, 16:36, Reply)

Damn I thought I had been so cunning

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 24 Aug 2009, 16:38, Reply)

Leaving your bollocks out the front was your first mistake...

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 24 Aug 2009, 16:45, Reply)

What can I say
I don't like squashing the boys
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 24 Aug 2009, 16:45, Reply)

If the current 100 mile distance
doesn't kill my relationship, having me constantly just-round-the-corner if he moves to my city probably will. Can't win, eh?
(berk, Mon 24 Aug 2009, 17:06, Reply)

Being a twat, continually, will do it.
I'm quite good at that.
( Maladicta, Mon 24 Aug 2009, 18:05, Reply)

Because I've not met anyone I can see myself being with in a long time. Maybe 18 months or so.
Well, one girl, but that's never gonna happen.

Once I do find someone, I'll probably find a way to mess it up. Still, worst case scenario, I'll have another OT or QOTW answer or two...
(Miraclefish How appropriate, you fight like a cow, Mon 24 Aug 2009, 18:40, Reply)

married
what will most likely end a marraige is divorce or death, so one of those will happen.
(knackerz is skinning up, Tue 25 Aug 2009, 5:40, Reply)