Home Sweet Home
Today's question: Tell us about the things you just don't get. I still wonder why some people are so obsessed with vampires.


( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 18:56, 88 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I like how when I bite into a life saver's mint with one of my canines and it leaves a sharp piece of mint on the point of my tooth
then my canine feels all sharp like a real vampire fang or something
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 19:09, Reply)

The next time you bite someone
you can give them an injection of minty goodness.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 19:12, Reply)

cor blimey
I can't wait till I'm able to do this.
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 19:14, Reply)

So are you going to go round the town on a biting-spree then?
You may end up leaving bite-marks in other people's flesh, but they'll smell so fresh 'n minty.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 19:22, Reply)

nah, I think I'll save my minty fresh bites for my boo

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 19:24, Reply)

Good for you
That way, fewer people will have identical bite-marks, but the boo will be full of bites.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 19:29, Reply)

I want to bite everyone.
Except for my best friend.
She likes it too much.
The great dirty freak.
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 19:34, Reply)

I now have the following mental image of you
Your head is Ms. Pac-Man's head and you think everyone else is a white pill.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 19:38, Reply)

I don't want to eat anyone.
I only want to bite.
If I ever meet another b3tan I'm going to bite them.
And by golly they will like it.
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 19:41, Reply)

*meep*

( Maladicta, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 19:43, Reply)

* reminds self to wear foam prosthetic body parts *

( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 19:46, Reply)

cripes, I'm not going to take a chunk out or anything

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 19:53, Reply)

Tell you what
if you ask really nicely, I'll let you take a chunk out. But just one chunk.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 20:12, Reply)

I don't want a chunk.
I just want a little nip.
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 20:17, Reply)

I've got two on my chest.

( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 20:19, Reply)

gizza nibble

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 20:23, Reply)

I'll swap you one of mine for one of yours

( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 20:25, Reply)

what color are yours?
I don't want a great red thing poking out from my tit
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 20:27, Reply)

Mine are dark pink
I'm not really all that bothered with colour-coordinated nipples myself.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 20:33, Reply)

well mine are very light pink
and I don't want one dark pink and one light pink
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 20:35, Reply)

You could always sunbathe topless
That way, your nipples will get a tan and become darker.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 20:39, Reply)

go on
I'm quite curious about dark nipples
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 20:41, Reply)

OK.
Let me know when you've given the nips a good tan, and I'll unscrew mine.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 20:44, Reply)

no I just want your dark one
you can have my light one
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 20:46, Reply)

OK
Unscrew yours, and we'll swap.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 20:52, Reply)

Okay! *holds out ickle pink nipple*

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 21:01, Reply)

* hands over my nipple *

* screws in Kristine's nipple *

* starts fondling the new nipple *

Ahh! That feels so good.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 21:03, Reply)

*screws in new nipple*
OOOooooooohhh such a lovely color!
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 21:05, Reply)

This one's a lot more sensitive than the old one
but now, I can never wear a t-shirt again :-(
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 21:10, Reply)

you'd look glorious in a t-shirt with my one pokey nipple

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 21:12, Reply)

Perhaps if I walk sideways, they may think I've just got a single nipple in the centre
Or maybe I shouldn't play with my nipples just before I go outside.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 21:14, Reply)

don't play too hard, I need it back

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 21:25, Reply)

Just as well
I'm about to go outside...

* exits *

It's a bit cold outside today!
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 21:27, Reply)

You've turned my nipple into a tarty attention seeker

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 21:32, Reply)

It's the first time I've had an attention-seeking nipple
and I'm still enjoying the novelty.

How are you finding mine?
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 21:38, Reply)

it's like it's just sitting there
looking up at me
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 21:40, Reply)

It's a true gentleman-nipple
It would rather look you in the eyes than stare at what it's attached to.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 21:47, Reply)

hahahahaha
well, I hope you enjoy mine, I'm off work now and I'm taking yours home
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 21:52, Reply)

OK. Have fun
I'll have fun with yours but will make sure it's well rested before I hand it back to you.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 21:55, Reply)

Seconding you on the vampires, dude.
I don't understand how someone spilling hot coffee on herself on one of my trains is a suable offence when she squeezed the bloody cup and admitted to doing so!
( Maladicta, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 19:10, Reply)

Either it's lack of common sense
or they were approached in the street by someone working for a law-firm asking if they've had an accident.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 19:13, Reply)

She does seem to be very much into the blame culture
and has been harassing me and an ex-colleague for some time now. Today I used the words "full and final settlement" in an email, which is pretty much me saying "take this and please, please fuck off!"
( Maladicta, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 19:16, Reply)

Perhaps you should call social services and tell them you're concerned about the state of their mental health.
That's one way of getting rid of annoying complainers.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 19:24, Reply)

It would be good; she's a total nightmare
and I want to get rid of her before Paris!
( Maladicta, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 19:27, Reply)

You could kidnap her, sneak her aboard the train and when it's halfway through the tunnel, throw her out in the middle.

( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 19:31, Reply)

I'm not sure where she lives
as she's demanding all sorts but not giving much information (she wants company documentation I'm not allowed to give her and getting the arse when I say no!)
( Maladicta, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 19:42, Reply)

Keep refusing and watch as her mental health deteriorates as her demands get rantier.
Then, you've got a better case for Social Services.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 19:49, Reply)

Or one to send to the manager and say "deal with, kthxbai"!

( Maladicta, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 19:52, Reply)

Now that's an interesting game to play when working in the complaints department.
Pass on each customer to a colleague but before you do so, make sure you've decreased their sanity. The loser is whoever deals with someone at the time when the customer is having a mental breakdown.

I call this "Exploding Customer Tennis".
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 19:56, Reply)

In theory, a glorious idea.
In practice, would cause despair to my senior colleagues who would inevitably receive the escalated calls :(

Worse still are colleagues who don't do what you've promised the customer they'll do!
( Maladicta, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 20:02, Reply)

In that case
throw all customer-bombs to your colleagues who don't deal with the customers. Or maybe that's just their interpretation of "Exploding Customer Tennis".
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 20:10, Reply)

This sounds good.
When I agree to a goodwill gesture, they should bloody well honour it!
( Maladicta, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 20:17, Reply)

Vampires - stoopid
Compensation culture I don't subscribe to but understand why and how it has become so prevalent.

Sixty something percent of current MP's have a legal background. Any legislation favouring the legal profession will be voted through the house without question or significant opposition.

The compensation "lawyers" (the vast majority have no legal qualifications - or qualifications of any sort - to their name) are at the bottom of the legal food chain but garner huge income to support the top end, so legislation tends to become distorted towards the claimant.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 19:47, Reply)

Evenin' TD
So in other words, lawyers are just like vampires.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 19:53, Reply)

In that I don't believe in them, yes.
As a body, they are nepotistic and self serving.

Individually, like most professions, there are some good 'uns but also like most professions the stuff at the top of the tree is the least accessible.

All these firms advertising on daytime TV are primarily staffed by McDonalds rejects, quite legitimately. I forget the figure, but the Law Society says that a qualified solicitor may supervise x number of clerks, and these untrained uneducated clerks will deal with your compensation claim.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 20:09, Reply)

Gah! McLawyers
"Would you like fries with your compensation claim?"
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 20:11, Reply)

That's pretty much the way it works
Your injury will be put into a program and a value will be generated.

The insurer will put the same information into a similar program.

The award will be somewhere between the two values.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 20:26, Reply)

What's for dinner
oh lovely people?
( Maladicta, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 20:26, Reply)

It's a closely guarded secret

( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 20:27, Reply)

sacrificing virgins again, I see

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 20:28, Reply)

Gah!
How did you get past my kitchen defences?
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 20:31, Reply)

I saw you sprinkle your "magic dust"
or should I say flour?
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 20:34, Reply)

OK. So the magic dust is really flour
But that is tomato-juice.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 20:42, Reply)

so you say
you lied about the magic dust, how do I know you're not lying again?
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 20:47, Reply)

* gets knife out *
If you keep asking toomany questions, there'll be more tomato juice.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 20:53, Reply)

*shuts up*

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 20:58, Reply)

Now that you're here
care to join me for some roast virgin rump?
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 21:01, Reply)

*licks lips*
no ta, on a diet
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 21:04, Reply)

In that case
have some fingers instead.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 21:11, Reply)

oh alright

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 21:32, Reply)

* Pours tomato juice over fingers *

* dusts the fingers with flour *

* hands them over *
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 21:44, Reply)

I r lazy.
Chips with chili powder FTW!
( Maladicta, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 20:30, Reply)

Applewood smoked cheddar and a bottle of wine
I've now consumed both.

I'm bus driving tomorrow (Leeds festival) but not until 14.00.

Should I go to the Co-op for another bottle or go to bed?
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 20:34, Reply)

more wine
silly
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 20:34, Reply)

Yeah, you're probably right
I'm out of smokes too.

Back in ten, kids. Hold the fort.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 20:37, Reply)

that's an awfully long 10 minutes you got there TD...
proper northern minutes...
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Thu 27 Aug 2009, 21:30, Reply)

pizza and Forgetting Sarah Marshall
hurrah
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 20:40, Reply)

i just don't get...
enough sleep!

sorry, had to be said.
been a tough week/month/three and a half years...

so, how are you guys?
good to see TD back in the fold...
amongst all of you lovely HSHers. should that be apostrifised?
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Thu 27 Aug 2009, 20:49, Reply)

Glad to have you back B69
At work, I've been given a task and plenty of time to do it. But because I've been given so much time, I've been stretching it out to fill the time. So my tasks are like temporal accordions.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 20:56, Reply)

my pal Mike Vortex (r.i.p.) called his company Amoeba Productions...
for basically that very reason, except more related to physical space rather than the temporal variety.

been moving large sandstone flags today. for the kitchen floor, not the flagpole.
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Thu 27 Aug 2009, 21:14, Reply)

Did he make accordions?
Or did he just supervise large-scale amoeba reproduction?
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 21:18, Reply)

nah, he used to titillate Ocelots...
do you know how to titillate an Ocelot?
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Thu 27 Aug 2009, 21:29, Reply)

you oscillate it's tits a lot...
simples.
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Thu 27 Aug 2009, 21:32, Reply)

So the more aroused they are
the more likely they are to breed.

Good plan!
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 21:34, Reply)

or to allow an iscillator to breed with them?
who knows...
maybe that's where the word comes from?

going to finalise the kitchen design tomorrow, at a well-known Swedish shop...
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Thu 27 Aug 2009, 21:39, Reply)

My raspberry ripples are brown.
Then again, I did live on a Greek island for 3+ years, doing much topless sunbathing.

*sings this \/*

www.rathergood.com/bite

*feels very wrong*

EDIT/
MY SOCIAL SKILLZ IZ CRAP INNIT.
Hullo lovely peeplz!
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 21:49, Reply)

how'z it gannin' on theeyer?
fettle?

funny link! ramsay is a dirty boy.

edit:BTW how's the uterus?
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Thu 27 Aug 2009, 21:54, Reply)

Greetings Mrs. Boobs
Was this back when you we're called Tourette's ( • )( • ) ?
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 22:02, Reply)