Both Zanes need to be told.

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 11:34, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

...and Holly Willoughby and that irritating mong Fearne Cotton
Get a proper name, you mong-nosed hobo toucher
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 11:35, Reply)

Ah, yes
Two presenters who are both quite nice to look at.

And then they open their mouths...

...and you can feel it shrivelling in your hand.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 11:37, Reply)

Good god no
one of them has a nose like a club foot, and the other has a spazzy mouth you wouldn't want to put your balls anywhere near.

I'm the fussy sort
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 11:44, Reply)

Hey, hey
my flatmates refuse to split the cost of pay-per-view pr0n channels and we've got no interweb connection at home just yet. I'm making the best of what I can get...perhaps I should go fishing again...
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 11:47, Reply)

You're right, TV is sadly lacking attractive women these days
what's happened to them all? Are they all on the internet pretending to be sweaty lummoxes?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 11:49, Reply)

I wish I could say that I was an attractive woman
and was simply masquerading as a sweaty lummox on the interweb for the fun of winding people up.

I wish.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 11:56, Reply)

*adjusts tie*
Well, hello there you gorgeous young thing

*brushes dust off your shoulders and begins stroking your hair neck and face*

*raises eyebrow*

How about it?

*extends crotch*
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 11:58, Reply)

Well, as long as you're not put off by my stubble...
*gobbles*
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 12:02, Reply)

Sometimes my Mrs has a stubbly snatch
so when I'm going down on her I have to pretend I'm snogging my step dad.

Blech
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 12:04, Reply)

That Melissa Porter used to be fit
But I've gone off her. It's all an act.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 11:57, Reply)

I just looked her up
and I STILL don't know who she is
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 11:59, Reply)

She's going to end up like Jayne McDonald if she's not careful

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 12:07, Reply)

But who is she?

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 12:08, Reply)

She does property shows and that
and her personal website smacks of "single and desperate".
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 12:10, Reply)

I saw the website
it really does scream 'my ovaries are still working! -somebody impregnate me before I go menopausal'

But I still don't know of any shows she's done
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 12:12, Reply)

Get a New Life
Escape to the Country
Can't remember anything else. I also thought she was from the midlands, but she's not. She's so fake.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 12:17, Reply)

I agree!!
Kill them all! :D
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Tue 22 Sep 2009, 11:41, Reply)

To death
in the face
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 11:45, Reply)

Yup!
Or rather 'to the pain' like in The Princess Bride!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Tue 22 Sep 2009, 11:48, Reply)

I'd like to force them into a pair of jeans so small and tight
that all of their major organs explode out of their noses
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 11:50, Reply)

Ooooh
thats a good one!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Tue 22 Sep 2009, 11:51, Reply)

You know the QOTW post I mentioned yesterday?
b3ta.com/questions/childishthings/post525264

Click it, click it NOW
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 11:54, Reply)

I have clicked!! :D
Here is mine... b3ta.com/questions/childishthings/post524391
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Tue 22 Sep 2009, 11:57, Reply)

Ahhh.... that's a cute story, you're too nice to be here

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 12:00, Reply)

Meh
I have evil tendencies, no one had pissed me off enough to see them yet... thats not an offer by the by!! :D
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Tue 22 Sep 2009, 12:09, Reply)

Sounds like an attempt at provocation to me
I'll get things started, I think you've got hair like Melanie Griffith's armpits
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 12:11, Reply)

Ha-haaa
Nope its not that easy I'm afraid!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Tue 22 Sep 2009, 12:23, Reply)

Don't you have a nemesis?
Surely they should be pissing you off.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 12:46, Reply)

DUN DUN DUUUUUUUN
Here I is!
*pokes flinge-flange in the eye*

EDIT: She's yeller
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 12:48, Reply)

*puts down fizzy haribo*
I ain't yeller...
*squints like Clint Eastwood*
*casually flicks away cigar*
*points into the distance*
*roota looks*
*twangs roota on the nose*
*legs it*
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Tue 22 Sep 2009, 13:01, Reply)

I'm going for lunch
To get my strength up. You better watch out, yeller ass.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 13:02, Reply)

That's right
keeeeeeeep walkin'
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Tue 22 Sep 2009, 13:09, Reply)

Give Haribo
please
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 13:05, Reply)

The little Tesco
near me has the tangfastics on BOGOF! :D
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Tue 22 Sep 2009, 13:08, Reply)

I want the Star Mix and Kiddie Mix
Children never get into my van when I have the Fangtastics
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 13:14, Reply)

a better execution than when I made one long ago
good job.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 12:05, Reply)

I made mine yeeeears ago
but lost the original photos, so that's a bit of a reconstruction
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 12:07, Reply)