This place has become spectacularly bad without me
I'm not going to be here much today, but in the meantime try and write something interesting about why you deserve the last place on the last rocket leaving earth when it all comes to an end in 2012.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 7:48, 28 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I don't really deserve a place.
I have a voice that's part Brookside, part yodeller. When I'm not talking, whistling, singing or doing accents, I'm snoring or farting. Or both. I'm inane. I ask too many questions. I swear too much. I demand takeys and piggybacks when I'm drunk. I'm like sherbet - you'll think I'm great and fizzy, but then you'll start to feel ill. However, I am good at refreshments and blowjobs (on regular-sized ones) I do as I'm told and I'm proper dead lovely. Hmmm, I might join Match.com with that. Sounds great. It won't get me on the rocket though...
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 8:13, Reply)

Depending on who's flying the rocket
the blowjobs thing might just do it...
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 8:15, Reply)

Why does it matter who's flying it?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 8:30, Reply)

If the pilot's a woman
or gay man, it might be less of an attractive quality!

Assuming the pilot's the one who decides who's coming on his/her rocket, that is.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 8:37, Reply)

I don't think the pilot would be the one deciding.
It would either be the government, or some committee, or maybe even the crackpot millionaire who funded the rocket.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 8:43, Reply)

The crackpot millionaire
might be driving.

Would it be worth giving Richard Branson a blowjob though?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 8:50, Reply)

Maybe if he kept his pubes in better trim than his face.
Although to be honest, I'd drink Ribena from the Queen Mother's rotting furry cup for the chance to go into space.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 8:53, Reply)

Yeah, but
Ribena's quite nice. Now if you'd said root beer, then I'd take you seriously!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 8:55, Reply)

Yeah.
Death or Branson's cock... Yeah. It'd be over quickly. Mind you, so would the Apocalypse....
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 8:55, Reply)

When the world ends in 2012
will it be before or after the Olympics, Al?

I wouldn't want us to have wasted all those billions of pounds on nothing.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 8:42, Reply)

I don't want to come.
If I can't get a man from all there is to choose from on earth then I won't get one from the few available travelling with me : (

Leave me here to wallow until I asplodes.
( girlinthehole, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 9:06, Reply)

I have antidote.
To the poison you just drank.
( Peej, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 9:23, Reply)

I don't want to go on the rocket
I can't think of a better oppourtunity to smash my neighbours faces in with a piece of 2x4 covered in nails and broken glass than the end of the world.
( DarkSon a time and date will follow this username on, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 9:48, Reply)

I'll let you in on a secret
the rocket is a useful tool for getting rid of a lot of idiots. It'll be flying directly into the sun.

The rest of us left after the world hasn't ended will be laughing
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 10:10, Reply)

H2G2?

(Evilweevil is covered in bees, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 10:24, Reply)

possibly
part simpsons too
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 10:43, Reply)

also, I believe
a Transformers movie as well
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 11:32, Reply)

I would rather waste my time thwarting other people's plans to get on the rocket.

( thealternativefact, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 10:33, Reply)

It's all about
Finding a way to sabotage the rocket.
( Cawl, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 10:45, Reply)

Oh yes,
My appreciation for schadenfreude far outweighs my sense of self-preservation.
( thealternativefact, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 10:49, Reply)

and this is why I love you

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 11:03, Reply)

I had to explain what
schadenfreude was to my new girly the other day. She's clearly far too nice. I must make sure she never discovers the dark, secret b3tan side of my character that laughs at people in wheelchairs falling off the kerb and onto the street, at the poor splashy technique of people with learning difficulties swimming at the local pool etc.

I could go on but I think you get the idea.
( djtrialprice, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 11:08, Reply)

Happy candle.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 11:17, Reply)

cheers m'dear

( djtrialprice, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 11:25, Reply)

Happy b3taday

(Evilweevil is covered in bees, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 11:20, Reply)

the cake
is not a lie. So there.
( djtrialprice, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 11:25, Reply)

Hooray!
I'll go apologise to GLaDOS
(Evilweevil is covered in bees, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 12:25, Reply)

Depends how the world is going to end
If it was just going to wipe out the entirety of humanity, I'd finish off my garden and turn over my compost heap. Then dig a deep hole in the middle of the lawn for me to lie down in and go out gracefully.

If it's going to wipe out everything and reduce the surface of the Earth to a charred, barren wasteland, I'll take this final opportunity to get some raping and pillaging done.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 10:36, Reply)