so i have just bought
myself the most beautiful shiny new car, and it's been parked on my street for TWO DAYS.

and i come out this morning, and some complete and total cunt has just ripped my aerial off. for fun. and maybe for bitterness. that'll be £500 then, and i am pretty sure they'll just do it again once i pay to fix it.

at the moment, the thought of grating off all their skin and rolling them in salt doesn't come close to what i could do if i caught the culprit. any other good revenge suggestions to make me feel better this afternoon, pleeeease?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 14:11, 38 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Cover the new aerial in glue.

( Cawl, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 14:13, Reply)

He probably used it to make a bong.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 14:13, Reply)

It's what unemployed people do.
They steal from hard-working folks, and turn their ill-gotten gains into drug-smoking paraphernalia.
( Cawl, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 14:14, Reply)

I also very sexistly assumed it was a man.
What a terrible person I am.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 14:15, Reply)

Well,
You are a terrible, sexist monster.
But I'll let you off this time.
( Cawl, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 14:18, Reply)

I'm sorry, but I can't help it,
I just hate all women.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 14:18, Reply)

You know as well as I do
That self-loathing is unattractive.
( Cawl, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 14:19, Reply)

Not everyone can love themselves as much as you do.
/I'm calling you a wanker
(PsychoChomp, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 14:30, Reply)

I am a man of stone.

( Cawl, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 14:34, Reply)

it would go towards a really shit bong
it's very bendy and very short. in fact, it's no good for anything except sitting on the back of my car where it belongs.

or possibly as a very small whip.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 14:45, Reply)

Be on the look out for a dwarf in bdsm gear.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 14:47, Reply)

As if she isn't already.

( Cawl, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 14:49, Reply)

hell yeah

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 14:51, Reply)

what kind of car
did you buy?
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 14:14, Reply)

I'm gonna guess here,
And go with "A Merc".
( Cawl, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 14:15, Reply)

£500 for a arial,
that'll be a merc.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 14:15, Reply)

£500 for a coat hanger?
I'm guessing Vivienne Westwood.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 14:20, Reply)

A £500 coat hanger?
More like Harley Street.
( Cawl, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 14:21, Reply)

One lady owner
Ew
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 14:23, Reply)

Haha!
Slightly soiled.
( Cawl, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 14:25, Reply)

I like this branch of comedy
took me a moment to get the harley street thing, but it's a good one
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 14:38, Reply)

Well,
I do my best.
( Cawl, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 14:40, Reply)

I don't understand it.
Can you smuggly explain it to me?
(Bazongaloid, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 14:40, Reply)

I really hope you're being sarcastic.

( Cawl, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 14:52, Reply)

No
but I don't have time to try and understand it, so if someone could give me the crib notes that would be great.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 14:55, Reply)

LOLABORTION

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 14:56, Reply)

Oh I see
That's quite funny. Well done
(Bazongaloid, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 14:59, Reply)

I'm guessing
brand new Mini
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 14:15, Reply)

I’m guessing a used Nissan Micra – or a Honda Accord.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 14:26, Reply)

Why don't you wire the car up to the mains
It would have to look like an accident. Perhaps accidentally replace a circuit breaker in your board with a 63A one, and accidentally leave a stick in the way of the trip switch. you could then accidentally spill a bucket of salty water by your car, with a broken extension lead dipping into it.

The jury would buy that. It has worked for me several times.

In all honesty, shiny cars should be parked in shiny car streets. Dull, old rust buckets in their own streets. Its the mixing of the types that upsets the chavs, they don't like change.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 14:28, Reply)

I think you should unleash the full power
of Sparky Backtits on them.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 14:29, Reply)

….as for a revenge suggestion, and to answer the question – why not force the perpetrator to watch an episode of Golden Balls? That is all.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 14:38, Reply)

1. cctv
2. police
3. result
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 14:48, Reply)

4. ???
5. Sell their organs
6. PROFIT!!!
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 14:52, Reply)

I think that if you start selling
Police-organs, step six will be "PRISON!!!".
( Cawl, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 14:52, Reply)

You're obsessed with the crime thing today
are you worried about something?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 14:55, Reply)

Well,
A "Steve's Discount Meats" van has been parked outside my house all day.
I think the man in it is watching me.
( Cawl, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 14:58, Reply)

Pfft.
More likely he sees you as a competitor. "Cawl's cheap meat. It really is."
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Mon 5 Oct 2009, 17:30, Reply)