Urinal Laps
I've just been to the toilet and invented a new game. We have one of those big piss troughs at my work, and as I was in there on my own I decided to start doing laps, right to left from Angelina Jolie to Cameron Diaz and back again, to see how many I could do before I stopped peeing.

4 and a bit, it turns out, but I'm sure I'll be able to beat this record in the future. What do you do to alleviate boredom?

'going on b3ta' and 'your mum' will result in testicular cancer
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 9:47, 63 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Alcohol, games and masturbation.
Sometimes, all three at once.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 9:57, Reply)

Excellent
Now go for a pee and if you've got a piss trough, try to beat my record.

Bet you can't, NONE of you can
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 10:00, Reply)

I have a standard john
I often see how big I can make the bubble-dome... Does that count?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 10:03, Reply)

No, that's a different game altogether

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 10:04, Reply)

At work
if I am bored I actually do some work. I've found that it actually makes time pass more quickly.

at home I have a wank.

over ym
( Peej, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 10:00, Reply)

I haven't had a work wank in years
and it'd be so easy in this place, what with the nudie pictures in the toilets.... hmmm...
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 10:01, Reply)

I still don't believe you
I need pics preferably without your cock in.
( Peej, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 10:03, Reply)

FINE
On monday I'll post photos of the men's room here, you freaking perv.

How's the Mrs?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 10:05, Reply)

Shes fine!
Bit frigid though. Kinda "look at me in these skimpy clothes, oh but no closer than 50ft you pervert!"

I shall look forward to mens rooms pics. I shall abstain all weekend so I will have some good supplies.
( Peej, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 10:08, Reply)

If a girl talks shit, I'm smackin' the 'ho

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 10:09, Reply)

mofo if y all peeps be buggin givin props to my ho cause she fly

( Peej, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 10:12, Reply)

Hmmm...
I have been known to get a pen and hold it under my nose and imagine what it would be like if I had a pen shaped moustache… I imagine channel 5 would make a programme about me.
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 6 Nov 2009, 10:01, Reply)

Haha
love it. Unfortunately mother nature has provided you with a distinct disadvantage for playing Urinal Laps.

Sorry
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 10:02, Reply)

Exactly,
so I have to come up with other ways to entertain myself at work
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 6 Nov 2009, 10:06, Reply)

You could get one of those
devices for girls for peeing standing up?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 10:08, Reply)

Nah
I was thinking of finding more things to do that don't involve peeing... I try not to spend masses of time in the toilets at work
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 6 Nov 2009, 10:09, Reply)

You could shit in a bucket
and do laps of a monastery?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 10:10, Reply)

How about
You shit in a bucket and do laps of a monastery and I just get someone to film it and put it on YouTube?
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 6 Nov 2009, 10:16, Reply)

Sounds like a plan
I'll fetch the bucket
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 10:17, Reply)

Cool
I'll get a mate with a camera
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 6 Nov 2009, 10:26, Reply)

I think the Arts Council
might give funding for that.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 11:23, Reply)

Ask people what they're having for lunch.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 10:04, Reply)

You utter bastard

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 10:05, Reply)

I read celebrity gossip magazines.
Ask me anything you like about a celebrity and I'll probably know the answer.
( girlinthehole, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 10:05, Reply)

What colour shoes does Danny Dyer have on today?

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 10:06, Reply)

He's not wearing shoes.
He's wearing trainers you muppet.
( girlinthehole, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 10:07, Reply)

You and NakedApe
hit the nail on the head.

Silly me
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 10:09, Reply)

White

Same as every day
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 10:07, Reply)

It doesn’t matter what colour they are,
all you need to know is he is a double-hard bastard and he could kill you with a thought… allegedly
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 6 Nov 2009, 10:08, Reply)

Pure internet lies, right here

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 10:09, Reply)

At this point
I feel I should make clear for legal reasons that I am not, nor have I ever been Danny Dyer’s meatpuppet.
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 6 Nov 2009, 10:15, Reply)

Yes you are
you've had his hand right up your arse
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 10:17, Reply)

It would be the other way round surely.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 10:20, Reply)

Not if she's the meatpuppet

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 10:23, Reply)

Touché

(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 6 Nov 2009, 10:28, Reply)

It would probably be a tight fit though
Whereas, you could probably climb right up into his cavernous backside, and wear him like a man suit
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 10:29, Reply)

You can see a video on you tube of him being punched in the face if you hate him that much.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 10:39, Reply)

I don't hate anyone, I'm far too fluffy

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 11:29, Reply)

I was so bored yesterday
that I contemplated finding out who designed the B3ta user icons, and contacting them to try to convince them to do a croissant icon for Vipros. I still might.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 10:09, Reply)

Isn't there still a competition open for those?

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 10:11, Reply)

www.b3ta.com/challenge/icon
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 10:20, Reply)

That's what I'm talkin' 'bout

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 10:28, Reply)

I read the news
It's terrbily exciting! Rense is also good for a bit of time wasting.

In other news I have a stinky cold still so I'm drinking lots of Lempsip, and my mate has gone a bit mental and had to be sent back from Sweden so I may be off to visit him tonight.

This does not bode well for my attendance at tonights Manchester gathering.
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 10:10, Reply)

What's rense?

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 10:13, Reply)

It's a website
www.rense.com

It's a bit 'wacky' and full of 'the truth' but makes for interesting reading.
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 10:16, Reply)

AAARRGH
That website is a scattered mess, it broke my brain
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 10:17, Reply)

I reckon it wouldn't take much to do that

( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 10:30, Reply)

Alphabetti Spaghetti confuses me
I've got no idea what it's trying to say :C
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 10:31, Reply)

Don't get Alphabetti
Just get hoops, all they say is 'Ooooooooooooooo'
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 10:33, Reply)

OoooooOOOoooo....
but sometimes they say C too, when they're broken, so it's CoooOOoooOO
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 10:35, Reply)

Or Cooooo Coooo
Like a pidgeon.
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 10:38, Reply)

Testicular cancer
Aka The Bollocaust.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 10:12, Reply)

My
mum.

:(
(Spleep Shit, or get off the internet., Fri 6 Nov 2009, 10:21, Reply)

Haha, I hope she's grateful
the ugly bitch
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 10:22, Reply)

I'm just grateful that its not
my dad.

Again.
(Spleep Shit, or get off the internet., Fri 6 Nov 2009, 10:27, Reply)

Whatever you do
Do NOT think that watching Pants Off Dance Off will alleviate boredom.
It will make you sick.
Remember that you cannot un-watch it.
I watched it with my mate last night and I am seriously concerned. I predict a terrorist attack or some other karmic event.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 10:22, Reply)

Ok, I won't

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 10:32, Reply)

You should be eternally grateful to me for this sage advice

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 10:35, Reply)

I'm tempted to watch
but I'm at work
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 10:41, Reply)

Do not do it
Do not do it.
It isn't funny.
It isn't arousing.
It isn't as good as watching those video clips where people have nasty accidents to music.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 11:14, Reply)

Hang on a minute
Your urinal trough might be unusually short. Can you lie full length in it?
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 10:38, Reply)

He can,
and he does, all day sometimes, wriggling under those lovely golden ropes...Sometimes he even has a cheeky drink of that yellow ambrosia.

But not today, he's got his good jumper on.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 10:46, Reply)

This^

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 11:29, Reply)