There was this one time I thought my Xplair
was making a noise like Fern Cotton, but it turned out to be my radio instead.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 8 Dec 2009, 9:00, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Bet you feel daft now!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 8 Dec 2009, 9:07, Reply)

God that reminds me of the time
I thought my Xpelair was telling me a heart-rending tale of disaster upon disaster, and then it sang me 'Save Your Love' by Renee and Renata.

Turns out it was Simon Bates' 'Our Tune' coming from a nearby radiogram! How embarrassing!
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 8 Dec 2009, 9:08, Reply)

Or the time my parents' Xpelair suddenly shouted
"That's it you drunken bitch, if you don't stop hiding your Bacardi in the vegetable rack, you're fucking out of here. A child needs a mother and a man needs a wife!!"

How I laughed when I realised it was coming from my parents' bedroom!
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 8 Dec 2009, 9:11, Reply)

This is my favourite so far

(Bazongaloid, Tue 8 Dec 2009, 9:13, Reply)

or the OTHER time I was convinced my Xpelair
was making strangled gurgling noises followed by wet, splattery sounds.

I was CONVINCED it was broken when all along I was having a rectal prolapse! I'm SUCH a ninny!!
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 8 Dec 2009, 9:13, Reply)

Once, I was SURE
my xpelair was making the sounds of thousands of marching jack-boots followed by the shrill voice of a man denouncing the Jews and saying that the German people needed room to expand to combat the growing forces of Bolshivism that threatened the purity of the Aryan race. Turns out it was the Nuremburg rally!
(Spleep Shit, or get off the internet., Tue 8 Dec 2009, 9:23, Reply)

oh YOU!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 8 Dec 2009, 10:02, Reply)

Then there was the time I thought my Xplair was having very loud sex
but it turned out I was just wanking really hard in the next room.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 8 Dec 2009, 9:12, Reply)

But.......but......but......
It was making a noise just like a broken xpelair would.
( girlinthehole, Tue 8 Dec 2009, 9:14, Reply)

*ruffles hair*
Silly BGB, but well done for trying to manage on your own.
I admire your pluck.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 8 Dec 2009, 9:16, Reply)

I have tons of pluck but not much DIY skillz.

( girlinthehole, Tue 8 Dec 2009, 9:20, Reply)

You mostly get by
As do I. Then we phone our dads.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 8 Dec 2009, 9:26, Reply)

Yay for dads.
Best of all the tradesmen.
( girlinthehole, Tue 8 Dec 2009, 9:30, Reply)

Oh come on BGB
when have we ever let the truth get in the way of making lots of horrible jokes?
(Bazongaloid, Tue 8 Dec 2009, 9:16, Reply)

like you think one would

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 8 Dec 2009, 9:19, Reply)

It was a high pitched whiney noise.
You don't expect a cistern to make that kind of noise.
( girlinthehole, Tue 8 Dec 2009, 9:22, Reply)

I don't let my expectations obscure the correct functioning of my ears
when determining the direction from which a sound is coming.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 8 Dec 2009, 9:26, Reply)

I'm old and easily disoriantated.

( girlinthehole, Tue 8 Dec 2009, 9:28, Reply)

I'm also paranoid
and make sure I know what is making a weird noise before I start buggering about with things :-)
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 8 Dec 2009, 9:29, Reply)

It's normally your guitar amp
but it's easy to tell just by looking at your gurning face, rather than having to abuse one's ears by listening.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 8 Dec 2009, 9:31, Reply)

it is not surprising that you have no friends

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 8 Dec 2009, 9:40, Reply)

But i've got all these lovely internet friends!?
and you of course.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 8 Dec 2009, 9:43, Reply)

they're not real
and I'm only here to watch your slow spiral into madness and self-loathing
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 8 Dec 2009, 9:53, Reply)

Oh, if it was high pitched and whiney...
It was ME!!
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 8 Dec 2009, 9:26, Reply)

AAAAAAIIIIIII!!!!!!! THAS GRACE THAD IS!!!!!!!!

(Bazongaloid, Tue 8 Dec 2009, 9:27, Reply)

I'm really looking forward to meeting you at the weekend!

(Bazongaloid, Tue 8 Dec 2009, 9:31, Reply)

Bring earplugs
I'm still waiting on news of a cat-sitter :-(
And if this lurgy continues... Actually I couldn't give a toss. I'll infect the whole house with gay abandon.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 8 Dec 2009, 9:34, Reply)

It's a pretty gay house already
me and DiT do this awesome impression of a newtons cradle, but with our testicles.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 8 Dec 2009, 9:38, Reply)

I'll bring my sketch pad
Sounds beautiful.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 8 Dec 2009, 9:40, Reply)

Dunno if 'beautiful' is the right term.
Here are some previous reviews:

"OH MY GOD, MY EYES, MY BEAUTIFUL EYES!" - beckyjsbx

"WHAT THE? It's like watching four planets wrestle in a pillowcase!" - Flim Flam the Magnificent

"In all the years of human endeavour, nothing has come close to the spectacle of these two fully grown human males whacking their testicles together in perfect Newtonian Harmony" - Sir David Attenborough
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 8 Dec 2009, 10:16, Reply)