Has everyone died?
In other news, I'm RICH, I tell you, RIIIIICHHHH!!!!

The last time I was in the bank they looked at my account and asked me if i wanted a meeting to discuss my finances because I was six grand in the red and my mortgage had bounced twice.

How gratifying to walk in there today to pay in a cheque for £43 fucking grand....

I don't feel sick with low-level underlying terror for the first time in about two years.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 15:20, 114 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

do you feel sick with smugness?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 15:23, Reply)

Tumescent, dear boy, tumescent...

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 15:26, Reply)

fancy sponsoring some up and coming new musical acts?
alternatively, you could find yourself some old baggage who likes to get her baps out, melt your face a bit and smug yourself into an early grave.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 15:33, Reply)

Decisions, decisions.....

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 15:41, Reply)

i understand
becoming a patron of the arts is the new cool thing to do
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 15:45, Reply)

and a short leap from being a patronising arse

edit: this amused me, I'm upset that it hasn't had the recognition it deserves

*sulks*
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 15:49, Reply)

i recognised it
it was good and all, I just didn't repy

i have now, is that better?
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 16:02, Reply)

much better
thank you

*is validated*
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 16:04, Reply)

to be fair
I'm only on here for attention, too.

*entertains people with the 'mug on the head while humming the circus tune' routine*
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 16:05, Reply)

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!!!!!
Happy now?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 16:02, Reply)

£43K?
Have I told you how sexy and lovely you are?
( thealternativefact, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 15:24, Reply)

What?
Oh yeah.

Damn. Monty - fancy going out?
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 15:25, Reply)

HANDS OFF, TUGGERS

( thealternativefact, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 15:28, Reply)

PLEASE FORM AN ORDERLY QUEUE

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 15:28, Reply)

*queues german style*
That sounds dirty - I like it.
( thealternativefact, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 15:31, Reply)

*joins*

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 15:33, Reply)

So, [whoever you are], what attracted you to the forty-three-thousandare Monty?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 18:23, Reply)

Good for you mate.
God bless us - every one.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 15:24, Reply)

You know, uncle Montzz
I'm in a little bit of a pickle and, ooh, maybe a grand or so could sort me out...
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 15:25, Reply)

Have an internet grand
and a cock-gaz, from everyone's favourite executed English monarch, this Christmas.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 15:27, Reply)

Yeah have an internet "Thanks for nowt"
Seriously, what a well-timed bit of luck. Nice one.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 15:32, Reply)

The timing is fucking impeccable.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 15:49, Reply)

what did you say?
you're going to send me a christmas card?!
oh my, how lovely
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 15:32, Reply)

*sends*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 15:38, Reply)

Well done sir
Is anybody else finished work for the year like me? Has anyone else been fwapping to pictures of a cold, wet and muddy flinderella all day too?
( djtrialprice, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 15:33, Reply)

Yes.
And yes. In fact I only stopped and diverted to /offtopic to rest my weary wrists.

(Now try saying "rest my weary wrists" three times as fast...)
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 15:36, Reply)

Yes
And no.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 18 Dec 2009, 15:37, Reply)

waiting for tourettes to leave the house eh?
like your style
( djtrialprice, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 15:40, Reply)

Nah, I'm at work.
I can't wank anyway, what with my right hand being all strapped up and stuff.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 18 Dec 2009, 15:43, Reply)

what's flinderella?

(Bazongaloid, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 16:04, Reply)

Nice one fella.
Don't cane it all in one go though, yeah?
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 18 Dec 2009, 15:35, Reply)

Gosh!
Did that Nigerian prince finally transfer 20% of his late uncle's fortune into your account?
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 15:52, Reply)

Yes - what a result!
Any minute now I'm gonna be LOADED! I just emailed Njembe (that's his name - we're really close mates now) my account details so all I have to do is sit back and wait.

It's SO EXCELLENT.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 15:56, Reply)

I think he got the funds from Burkina Faso...
...some bank manager dies ina plane crash.

Obviously he does not actually have the money yet but has given his bank details.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 15:56, Reply)

My poor son...
...has a slight sniffle. Care to donate to his Disney trip?
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 15:55, Reply)

I'll donate some semen if you like?
I cannot actually believe I just said that.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 16:07, Reply)

Mods!!!!!!
I call the mods unless you pay up, sicko.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 16:18, Reply)

Now I know how Michael Jackson felt

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 16:25, Reply)

Rich and hated?

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 16:29, Reply)

I actually meant
'turned on by kids'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 16:36, Reply)

Are you willing to settle out of court?
Right that is it for me - I'm on hols and off for a swifty.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 16:43, Reply)

Who did you have to kill to get it?
Was it Bowie? I'm guessing it was Bowie...
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 15:55, Reply)

I tell you what
I will give the whole lot to anyone who takes out Bowie.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 15:56, Reply)

Ha! You didnt say which Bowie
There's a fly in my office buzzing round and i'm reliably informed that his name is Bowie! Ha! Check and mate
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 15:59, Reply)

That has cracked me up

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 16:03, Reply)

:D
I was lying. A fly called Bowie? That's crazy talk. His name is Marc Bolan.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 16:05, Reply)

In that case give me my money back you mountebank!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 16:09, Reply)

I cant, I spent half of it on women and coke
the rest I just frittered away
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 16:12, Reply)

I'm back now!
Well done on the mulah mr mont!

I've sent my QOTW post to DiT for marking! :D
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 18 Dec 2009, 15:59, Reply)

Just get it up there!!!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 16:02, Reply)

Hehehe
I'm checking it over with him first, not that its bad or anything... I just feel that I should ask him! :D
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 18 Dec 2009, 16:04, Reply)

Of course
Don't ever listen to me. I live alone with a cat. If you listen to me you'll end up that way too.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 16:06, Reply)

I live alone with a chicken
*sobs*
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 16:09, Reply)

*chokes*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 16:10, Reply)

He lives alone and chokes his chicken...

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 16:19, Reply)

Yes
yes I do
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 16:22, Reply)

yes, wee Jimmy McTuggart, that was my joke

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 16:26, Reply)

Fuck off you c...
...erm...Sorry Monty.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 16:30, Reply)

how'd you like your new name?
I think it suits you.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 16:32, Reply)

You can call me anything you like...
...you rich handsome devil you.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 16:40, Reply)

^ this

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 16:41, Reply)

I live alone
with two hamsters

there is a pattern emerging
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 16:11, Reply)

what, on the hamsters?
and on a slight tangent, do hamsters taste of ham?
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 16:14, Reply)

we know who to ask
Why, Wet Ham Man, of course...
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 16:16, Reply)

they are
paisley hamsters
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 16:21, Reply)

two?
That is sick.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 16:14, Reply)

I live alone
with my girlfriend

it's a terribly lonely existence
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 16:18, Reply)

aw man, smug off

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 16:25, Reply)

She's experienced in that sort of thing, i hear

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 18 Dec 2009, 16:08, Reply)

How rude
Don't make me call you a bumface... because I'll do it!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 18 Dec 2009, 16:09, Reply)

Isn't he just a village
Edit: I meant 'villain'!!!
I wasn't concentrating...
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 16:12, Reply)

*shakes head*
You've lost your mind, old gel...
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 16:17, Reply)

It's all that exposure to the stuffed peppers.

(Bazongaloid, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 16:18, Reply)

Fuck the lorra yous

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 16:29, Reply)

Hehehe
Maybe he's both!?

Its up now by the by! :D
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 18 Dec 2009, 16:18, Reply)

it's shit
*goes to read*
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 16:22, Reply)

You
bloody bumface... the lot of you... minus Roooota - coz she's the bestest!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 18 Dec 2009, 16:24, Reply)

My Great Uncle Willy
was mourning the fact that
"In pubs now, you never get someone leaving, getting to the door, turning round, shouting "Fuck the lorra yous" then going home, only to come back the next day like nothing's 'appened."
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 16:27, Reply)

she doesn't like you either
she told me so via facebook where we are BFFs
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 16:28, Reply)

I do like her
I'm after her I'm telling you
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 16:29, Reply)

but she's not our type!

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 16:55, Reply)

I know!!!
How fucking hawt must she be that she's made me stray from The Type...
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 16:56, Reply)

Mwuhahahahaa
Hawt potataa!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 18 Dec 2009, 17:01, Reply)

She will you know.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 16:20, Reply)

Indeed
I didn't give you the warning either... I just totally went there mannnn!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 18 Dec 2009, 16:23, Reply)

Monty
I think you need to sit with your wads of dosh strewn around you, and have yourself a Beatle-esque Christmas.
open.spotify.com/album/5gix733B9OHjRCGfcgQasJ
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 16:43, Reply)

Would you mind awfully if I didn't?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 16:51, Reply)

I'd take it very personally.
The Beatles were all my uncles.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 16:57, Reply)

Ah, I see.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 17:16, Reply)

So THAT'S what happened to the sign outside ashwitz.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 18:25, Reply)