Oh dear.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 11:10, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

"Love use and miss use loads this christmas xxx"
USE!!!!!
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 11:12, Reply)

For once I am lost for words

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 11:30, Reply)

Hopefully,
There'll be a note taped to the headstone saying, "I'm not in!"
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 11:12, Reply)

She hated having visitors
If they could dig her up and take her to the pub a la Weekend and Bernies, THEN she's appreciate them getting a spraytan, a hairdo, and trudging through the snow across a graveyard...
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 11:15, Reply)

Or even better
"Back in 10 minutes, just nipped to the shops"

And she'll hang around for ten minutes and then ZOMBIE GRAN will lurch across the graveyard and grap her arm and rip it off at the shoulder and start tearing chunks of flesh off it and then smacking her upside the head with the soggy end and she'll be all like "Oh no! use said use were popping down the shops I didn't realise use meant use were a zombie off to kill and eat all the brains of everyone in the shop!" and then ZOMBIE GRAN would grap her hair and she'd be all screaming and stuff and ZOMBIE GRAN would bite her bottom jaw off and be all crunching it like a chicken gizzard and she'd be running round in circles trying to make a noise but her tongue would be all flopping down her front and pissing blood everywhere so she'd get all weak and fall over and ZOMBIE GRAN would take her time finishing the rest of her off.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 11:17, Reply)

Yup.
Your scenario is better.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 11:19, Reply)

Oh man! *CLICKETY CLICK*
My mum dreamt something similar the other night.
Dead Nana was never fussy on my mum. It comes out in her nightmares.
She said to my dad on Sunday "Ooh I dreamt your mam came back to life and was murdering me. It was terrifying."

Dead Nana was quite violent like.
Alive Nana is a pacifist.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 11:19, Reply)

haha

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 11:22, Reply)

Is that because your Mum referred to her as 'Dead Nana'?

( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 11:25, Reply)

No, it's me who does that
It makes it easier for people. Otherwise they go "Why would Nana punch a nun on the jaw??" And I go "No, not Alive Nana!! Dead Nana!! Dead Nana had a terrible temper."
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 11:28, Reply)

I heartily recommend someone getting to that cemetary and carrying this out immediately

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 11:19, Reply)

I've just told dad.
He'd be up for it if he didn't have man 'flu.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 11:21, Reply)

that's a shame

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 11:22, Reply)

I said "You wouldn't..."
and he said "Er, WHO drew the moustache on Princess Diana on Nana's sideboard?"
I'll give him that. He doesn't wimp out. And Nana was hard. Like Bender. Just like Bender.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 11:25, Reply)

That's brilliant
Mocking Di is like a red rag to a pensioner.

*edit* and the moustache is obviously a tribute to the work of Marcel Duchamps as well.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 11:30, Reply)

We wiped it off before she saw
My dad has got a clicky jaw because of Nana's right-hook.
Even when she was ill she still had arms like hams.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 11:32, Reply)

please tell me it was a Hitler 'tache....
Double-pensioner-offence in one easy payment
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 11:32, Reply)

It was, but Nana was half German
Can you imagine if she'd seen??
It was bad enough when Alive Nana said to her once "You know, Mag, you're a proper fraulein."
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 11:35, Reply)

Half German?
Even better. I would be tempted to just take the beating to please the comedy gods.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 11:40, Reply)