My brother is an alcoholic.
This worries me a great deal. He's a functioning alky, though, so my family suspect he drinks way too much but don't know the extent.

So what do I do?

If I go to my mother, she will be very worried (and she's had enough to worry about over the years and could do without it), and I doubt she'll actually help. Also, knowing that I've 'ratted' on him will severely damage our relationship as well as probably result in his keeping things from me, something he doesn't currently do.

I've tried voicing my concerns to him directly but there are major problems here - for a start I'm hardly a fucking angel, he's as much cause to worry about me as I am him, and I've ignored his advice and concern re my vices many a time. Also we're best mates - he's told me to stop being such a poof.

So what the fuck am I supposed to do?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 29 Dec 2009, 12:54, 44 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Consolidate your debts into one monthly payment, quit uni and get a job.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 29 Dec 2009, 12:57, Reply)

Didn't get any jokes of your own for Christmas?
That's a shame. Still, nice of Gonz to share.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 29 Dec 2009, 12:58, Reply)

I stole it while he was thinking about subway.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 29 Dec 2009, 13:00, Reply)

Oh man, I was going to say that.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 29 Dec 2009, 13:55, Reply)

No need.
Your catamite took care of that for you.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 29 Dec 2009, 14:00, Reply)

There's nothing you can do
Any change would come from him.
As he is 'functioning', nothing in his life isunder threat as far as he's concerned.
Does he have a partner, if so do you two get on?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 29 Dec 2009, 13:05, Reply)

Are you suggesting he sleep with his brothers partner?

(PsychoChomp, Tue 29 Dec 2009, 13:06, Reply)

Yeah, thought it might frighten him into getting sober.
No, ya numpty, you know what I was driving at :P
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 29 Dec 2009, 13:07, Reply)

I know what you meant I deliberatly misinterpreted for comic effect.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 29 Dec 2009, 13:10, Reply)

You have let me down
You have let yourself down
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 29 Dec 2009, 13:12, Reply)

*weeps*

(PsychoChomp, Tue 29 Dec 2009, 13:16, Reply)

Oh lord, now what have I done
Sorry Chompy, it was hilarious. It was like Brian Rix. On acid.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 29 Dec 2009, 13:22, Reply)

He has a girlfriend who's as concerned as me
But they've not been seeing each other very long so she can't really help without jeopardising their relationship.

The problem is that he simply won't take advice - and ALL his friends are from the pub. If he packed that in he'd have literally no-one in his town to socialise with. He only moved there a couple of years back and didn't know a single person.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 29 Dec 2009, 13:11, Reply)

Well if he's an alcaholic she hasn't been with for long
she'd be better jeopardising it now and risking success, than sticking with him and letting the misery increase.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 29 Dec 2009, 13:13, Reply)

Agree
or else she is just enabling him and making her own life miserable.
(MichaelS wasn't picked again, Tue 29 Dec 2009, 13:17, Reply)

Good, things are back to normal
Everyone was so nice to each other and there were so few posts the last few days I was worried this place had become a support group for Christmas addicts. I actually had to do some work at muy office as there nothing here to follow. Ahh, sex jokes and other things, back to normal.
(MichaelS wasn't picked again, Tue 29 Dec 2009, 13:10, Reply)

Agreeing with Roota right here
he has to see the problem himself before he'll change anything, besides if you're no better off perhaps you should try to back off from whatever vices you do have, perhaps together?
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 29 Dec 2009, 13:14, Reply)

I know this is good advice
Taking it is a different matter.

Fuck me this is depressing. Sorry all.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 29 Dec 2009, 13:19, Reply)

No worries kid
and there's nowt more depressing than realising most courses of action will be futile, but you'll just have to tell him how you feel and get ready to be ignored.
Imagine he told you to stop with your vices? You wouldn't, because you know what you're doing and you're not letting it affect your life.
That's what he thinks about the booze.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 29 Dec 2009, 13:21, Reply)

well there's no use in being a hypocrite, he'll never listen to you
try to spend sober time with him
try to get him to find [or remember] things he enjoys doing where he doesn't have to drink
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 29 Dec 2009, 13:23, Reply)

Stop being a poof.
He enjoys a drink, there's no real problem. Some people do just drink a lot more than others.
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Tue 29 Dec 2009, 13:20, Reply)

shut up and get me a beer
$s$s^SSs_stT^T_t^TuU_U^u_{UJJj^Jj^JJ^!!!!}
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 29 Dec 2009, 13:26, Reply)

*Fetches*
There you go KKkkKkk^{RrRiiSssssTtiinne!!!!!!}
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Tue 29 Dec 2009, 13:39, Reply)

He's only happy when he has a drink on the go
and is looking terribly unwell - grey-skinned, bloated and just fucking ILL. There is a problem.

I drink like a fucking fish but I don't need it to feel OK about myself.

PS you aren't the 'Stu J' who used to DJ in Southampton back in the day are you? If you are, you're a fat bender and you were shit on t'decks.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 29 Dec 2009, 13:27, Reply)

Then it's his choice.
And no. Never even been a DJ.
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Tue 29 Dec 2009, 13:30, Reply)

You may still be a fat bender though - better check

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 29 Dec 2009, 13:32, Reply)

I'm still not going to bum you.

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Tue 29 Dec 2009, 13:40, Reply)

Oh go on
It's been AGES.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 29 Dec 2009, 13:43, Reply)

hog tie him and haul him to the doctor

( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 29 Dec 2009, 13:32, Reply)

Ummmbop, shwa shaw doo bop, dwee ba da ba doo bop !

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 29 Dec 2009, 13:52, Reply)

THE HEALING POWER OF HANSON

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 29 Dec 2009, 14:01, Reply)

I am in a similar situation
to cut a long story short, my older brother eats too much, drinks to much and doesnt do any exercise. As kids he was the sensible skinny one, as a 30-something man he is a bit of a mess (although he earns 3x what I do).

BUT...he is a grown-up and knows what he should do (i.e. stop drinking and do some exercise). I cant make him do those things.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 29 Dec 2009, 14:15, Reply)

Last Question First: Whatever you can to help your brother. That is what you are SUPPOSED to do.
But as ever there is a mahooooosive HOWEVER cos everything has a cost. EVERY time you try and fail you pay a price for that, emotionally/psychologically like.
is my experience, that is.
my father is a functioning alcoholic. that has always seemed a somewhat inadequate label to me. i now realise (3 1/2 years of group therapy helped) the price i paid with every confrontation over his drinking. he's a big fella but a few years ago he realised that i am now bigger. things changed then but the drinking hasn't stopped.
i see too the price my mother has paid. there can be no question that the constant "stresses" (if we can call them that?) have played a major part in her decline. at the age of 71 conversation is rarely coherent and she can't even wipe her own arse anymore. and that's on a good day.
there's a lot more i could say but this is neither the time or the place.

the question that i suggest you need to ask yourself is not how much you love your brother but much you love yourself.
alcoholics are damaging people to be around.
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Tue 29 Dec 2009, 14:33, Reply)

He's fine to be around
He's just a mess. He's not the angry type, this situation started as teenage social dutch courage and is now just an emotional prop.

Without drink he wouldn't know what to do with himself. I know the feeling, to be honest.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 29 Dec 2009, 14:47, Reply)

wasn't suggesting he's the angry type, i got the feeling from what you said that he's not like that.
but alcoholics are damaging to be around. it's a war of attrition.
i couldn't claim to really know the situation, it's further blurred by him being yer bro.
i guess it's easier to not be around to see the decline and fall, as many choose to do.
i'm rambling cos i'm stoned now.
over and out.
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Tue 29 Dec 2009, 16:25, Reply)

Thanks for the advice mate.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 29 Dec 2009, 16:43, Reply)

problem relatives
I know the feeling........
(Purpledoris I've got afeckin' job, Tue 29 Dec 2009, 18:40, Reply)

Stop being such a poof.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 29 Dec 2009, 18:37, Reply)