A not so terribly girly perspective on the above points

1. OPENING JARS -
If you can't open the jar then you don't get to eat the goodies inside. You'll wonder why we struggle a lot more with the jars of tasty stuff than a jar of pickles. Also, we know how to make you guys feel strong

2. CALLING SOMEONE 'SON' -
And then find out they're actually a ju jitsu instructor who doesn't take kindly to being patronised.

3. DOING A PROPER SLIDE TACKLE -
Stop boo hooing about your sore knees two days later. Take the TCP like a man.

4. SHARPENING A PENCIL WITH A STANLEY KNIFE -
Women clearly can't do this

5. GOING TO THE TIP -
Due to health and safety legislation set in place, this is nowhere near as much fun as you remember from going there with your dad as a kid. It never will be again

6. DRINKING UP -
Again, women clearly can't do this.

7. HAVING A THIN BIT OF WOOD -
You'll never find another one just like it, so hang on to the one you have with all your might.

8. HAVING A SCAR -
Come back when you look like a cenobite and we'll talk.

9. HAVING A HANGOVER AND THICK STUBBLE -
If we had thick stubble after one night of partying you'd run for the hills.

10. NODDING AT COPPERS -
With your manly manly stubble of course. Winking helps too I'm told.

11. USING POWER TOOLS -
Clearly another one that women could never do.

I'm sorry I'd go on, but this is just boring me now.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 14:48, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Number 8 is a winner.

( girlinthehole, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 14:49, Reply)

13. ARRIVING IN A PUB LATE...
...and everyone cheers you. It doesn't mean you're popular, it just means your mates are drunk. However, the rest of the pub doesn't know that.
The rest of the pub know you're a cunt though.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 14:49, Reply)

it's a good feeling though

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 15:07, Reply)

NO THIS FEELING IS EXCLUSIVLEY FOR MEN

(PsychoChomp, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 15:10, Reply)

oh :(

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 15:12, Reply)

Erm...
Caps?
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Mon 11 Jan 2010, 15:22, Reply)

ZINGS
Oh bugger caps
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 15:22, Reply)

I'm allowed, because I use them correctly.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 15:23, Reply)

And because you're a woman with fabulous breasts

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 15:24, Reply)

They're pretty fucking fantastic.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 15:26, Reply)

fabulous pert
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 15:26, Reply)

Oh do you
DO YOU REALLY?
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Mon 11 Jan 2010, 15:45, Reply)

There is inaccuracy in your rebuttal of the first point.
Pickles are the tasty stuff.
(ThomsonsPier consumes, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 14:54, Reply)

Tastier than honey or jam? I think not.

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 15:13, Reply)

Mmm, honey.
I am not much of a jam fan. Pickles for the proverbial win, say I!
(ThomsonsPier consumes, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 15:16, Reply)

Honey can go on bread, cereal, burns if it's manuka and is known to have antiseptic healing properties
What's so great about pickles? I'm genuinely interested since I eat them only if it's already in a sandwich and can't be bothered to pick them out.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 15:17, Reply)

Chutneys are better than all of the above

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 15:23, Reply)

Fuck right off with yer chutney farming ways

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 15:24, Reply)

Me and farms!
Bail hostels maybe. But farms?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 15:26, Reply)

They have crunch, spice and saltiness.
I like a bit of texture and generally favour salt, sour and bitter flavours over sweet, hence the personal preference in that direction. They're also a good way to preserve fruit and vegetables without destroying the vitamin content.

Honey is also full of splendid, though I have to sneak it into things because my girlfriend doesn't like it. Local honey is apparently good for hay fever, as well, which is logical. I nearly put 'local hiney' there.
(ThomsonsPier consumes, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 15:28, Reply)

Honey is good for preserving magic mushrooms

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 15:31, Reply)

SHARPENING A PENCIL WITH A STANLEY KNIFE
I can totally do that watch...

*stabs self in eye with stanley knife*

Oh bums.
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Mon 11 Jan 2010, 15:04, Reply)

That is why you're not allowed nice things.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 15:12, Reply)

What like pencils?
They're not nice!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Mon 11 Jan 2010, 15:14, Reply)

Not the ones you've got no.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 15:16, Reply)

I have nice pencils. They're from Derwent

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 15:16, Reply)

I've been to the pencil museum in Derwent
in my defence I was on holiday there and it was raining loads, and the pencil museum offered a chance to get out of the rain.

As did the famous cars museum
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 15:19, Reply)

I've been too. My family used to holiday near there a lot when I was younger.

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 15:22, Reply)

Why didn't you go to a pub?

(PsychoChomp, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 15:22, Reply)

that is a good question
I'm not entirely sure
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 15:25, Reply)

Where's Beatix Potter's house gone???

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 15:23, Reply)

Hehe
I've seen it a few times, never actually been in there - is it AMAZING!?
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Mon 11 Jan 2010, 15:23, Reply)

From what I recall it's small and is essentially a giant giftshop. I did buy a 3ft pencil though and all their fancy sets were cheaper than they are in shops

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 15:26, Reply)

it wasn't as small as I expected
and they did have a very large pencil in there

/euphemisms
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 15:29, Reply)

I knew you'd appreciate it

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 15:32, Reply)

I will possibly go there next time then
if they have really big pencils! I'll wander around whilst consuming vast amounts of Kendal Mint Cake... everything will have a sugary haze around it! :D
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Mon 11 Jan 2010, 15:39, Reply)

Only if it's chocolate covered kendal mint cake. The plain stuff is just teeth dissolving boringness
www.pencilmuseum.co.uk/ gigantor pencil
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 15:45, Reply)

Oh its always chocolate covered mint cake
That's the best kind! :)
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Mon 11 Jan 2010, 15:46, Reply)

Come to my cottage*
*It's not a cottage and it's not technically mine.
But it's in Cumbria and it is near the mint cake and a river.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 15:46, Reply)

Wicked
I'm there! :D
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Mon 11 Jan 2010, 15:48, Reply)

I have Derwent pencils too! :D
We're just too fancy!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Mon 11 Jan 2010, 15:23, Reply)

I have some somewhere
My years ago ex left them in the house. I deserve them more than her because she only used to use them to write emo lyrics and pretend suicide notes.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 15:24, Reply)

I also have Asda pencils because I couldn't find my fancy derwents, so had to purchase more. They don't see each other much, I think the rivalry could be dangerous
Yay, we can be fancy pencil BFFs
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 15:27, Reply)

Woo
Fancy pencil BFFs!

WIN!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Mon 11 Jan 2010, 15:30, Reply)

Woot!
if I find the Derwents you can have them. But they might make you gay and suicidal.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 15:30, Reply)

Woo indeed
I'll wash em first, they'll be reet
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 15:33, Reply)

Pencils shouldn't be used
for emo poems and fake suicide notes... that’s more of a cartridge pen sort of thing surely?
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Mon 11 Jan 2010, 15:29, Reply)

She preferred red pen
but if there wasn't one to hand she would abuse the Derwents.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 15:31, Reply)

How the fuck have we got a sub thread about pencils?

(PsychoChomp, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 15:45, Reply)

Because this is OT

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 15:46, Reply)

Because we have, now deal with it

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 15:46, Reply)

Yeaaaaaaah
*shakes fist*
*throws pencils*
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Mon 11 Jan 2010, 15:48, Reply)

NOT THE DERWENTS
They're too good for her. Here, have some asda ones
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 15:53, Reply)

I can't deal with it,
I could just delete my post up there thus clearing the whole lot, then you'll be sorry.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 15:52, Reply)

You could, but then you'd be hounded for being the post deleting cunt that you are

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 15:53, Reply)

Hmmm, true but I'll be making this little part of the internet better.
Tough call.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 15:55, Reply)

Plus
I'll end up calling you a bummer or an arse face or something.
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Mon 11 Jan 2010, 16:15, Reply)