I started this on another site I use and it's gone down pretty well, so figured I'd try it here too...
Seems about that time of year when all of us have got enough on our plates and then some. Rather than detail what's going wrong with life right now, I'd rather start a thread saying what's going right with it.

I'm healthy
I have a job that I love
I have friends and family who love me
I have a roof over my head and heating that works
I have a sleeping cat on my lap who is guaranteed to wake up and demand belly rubs as soon as I move.

Your turn
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 10:40, 115 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I have a job,
I have a decent place to live,
I have a girl who is interested in me,
I've got enough money to go to the pub tonight.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 10:45, Reply)

I have a girl who is interested in me
Without rohypnol? What have I missed in my absence?
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 10:47, Reply)

I'm actually quite charming sometimes becky.
not often though.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 10:55, Reply)

But what about your face?

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 11:00, Reply)

I thought we were being friends at the moment?

(PsychoChomp, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 11:05, Reply)

I recall you saying we were getting along too well at the moment

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 11:07, Reply)

Yeah, but I meant that I should start mocking you,
I didn't mean that you should start mocking me.

I'm a delicate little flower.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 11:08, Reply)

Wait, I'm not allowed to mock you, but you're free to abuse me with gay abandon. That doesn't sound very fair
But if you insist. You've got 5 minutes tulip
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 11:10, Reply)

I DON'T THINK THAT'S YOUR NATURAL HAIR COLOUR
AND YOU SLURP WHEN YOU DRINK TEA.
YOU EAT TOAST IN BED AND GET CRUMBS EVERYWHERE.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 11:12, Reply)

*Starts rumour based on toast crumbs comment*

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 1 Feb 2010, 11:14, Reply)

I fear no crumbs
For I have hoover of might and wonder
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 11:18, Reply)

5 MINUTES AND THAT'S THE BEST YOU CAN FUCKING DO YOU SAGGY EYED PAPERCLIP DISPENSING SACK OF SHIT?
YOUR MUM COULD DO BETTER THAN THAT AND SHE'S IN A FUCKING COMA.

Ps, I hate tea.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 11:17, Reply)

I'M SORRY BECKY I THOUGHT THIS WAS MEANT TO BE A NICE THREAD

(PsychoChomp, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 11:24, Reply)

What gave you that impression?

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 11:25, Reply)

Nothing, I'm just really drunk.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 11:28, Reply)

On Monday morning?
By god you're a classy lad
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 11:30, Reply)

It was a joke, I didn't drink anything yesterday.
Or today for that matter.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 11:31, Reply)

You're rubbish
Trufact
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 11:32, Reply)

So's your face,
and I bet you can't cut a loaf of bread straight.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 11:34, Reply)

What does that have to do with the price of paperclips?

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 11:36, Reply)

I give discounts to people who can make a neat sandwich.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 11:39, Reply)

Aww, Doris the tea lady must feel special

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 11:41, Reply)

fuck that
I get called smug enough as it is
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 10:45, Reply)

goads
Oooooh that reminds me. M&S are selling griddle pans for £5 as part of their basics range now.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 10:46, Reply)

haha
get one

unless it is non-stick, then don't bother.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 10:47, Reply)

I've already got one. It's sticky, just how I like it.
I think the M&S ones were non stick
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 10:48, Reply)

I have most of a degree
And people don't generally punch me when they see me. I'm good with this.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 10:46, Reply)

Did they used to?

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 10:48, Reply)

No
Or at least not that I remember. I'm just hoping a day won't come when they start to.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 10:49, Reply)

I have the most incredible daughter.
I'm reasonably healthy and rid of old afflictions and addictions which were holding me back until a year or so ago.
I'm planning big things for the next couple of months, helping myself and others.
I hope to actually have some spare money in six month's time.
I might just get a holiday this year.
I like myself.
Edit: anyone else getting taken back to /questions/offtopic when they post instead of back to the thread? It's happened to me twice today.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 10:49, Reply)

I am not dead.
I have a wife who is way out of my league.
My BFF is excellent.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 10:56, Reply)

still baffled by all three of those things ;-)

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 10:57, Reply)

You shut your whore mouth.
Alright, Vipros?
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 10:59, Reply)

:-O
yeah, not bad. you alright?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 11:03, Reply)

Reet, ta.
My new fridge makes things cold. The freezer makes things frozen. It's sad how pleased this makes me. Is this what being an adult is all about?
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 11:07, Reply)

soon you'll be happy that your washing machine makes things clean

(Bazongaloid, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 11:08, Reply)

Mine doesn't always
And it makes me sad.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 11:11, Reply)

No that was me when I got a new washing machine. I was amazed when stuff came out smelling nice and not sopping wet because the spin cycle actually worked

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 11:11, Reply)

washing machine wife
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 11:11, Reply)

Oh snap

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 11:12, Reply)

my dishwasher takes about 4.5 hours to do a load
this baffles me.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 11:12, Reply)

Is there really much point in you having it then other than to waste lots of power and water?

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 11:18, Reply)

This doesn't sound right at all.
Try another setting and don't open it once it's started. I normally use my 50 degree 'eco' setting, and it takes about 80 mins or so, possibly less. I fucking love my dishwasher and really couldn't possibly go back to the bad old days of not having one....although I still do wash some stuff in the basin.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 11:19, Reply)

Clearly only peasants use the basin

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 11:22, Reply)

People with not enough money for a dishwasher have no option.
Or not enough dirty dishes to warrant one. Or not enough room in their horrid little kitchens to accommodate one. I will wash stuff by hand if the dishwasher is on, or has clean stuff in that I haven't got round to putting away.

All i need now is an automatic ironing machine.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 11:28, Reply)

I get around that problem by not doing any ironing
hanging clothes up is nature's ironing
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 11:31, Reply)

Yes, I also do the natures ironing thing
but some things still need to have a cheeky once over. We have an old fashion pulley in the kitchen that i can get about 2 loads of washing on if I 'Tetris' it on properly. Hang everything up, then blast the 4 gas hobs on for 5 mins, gets everything drying a treat.

Efficient Domestic Routine is a seriously underrated form of anti-depressant.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 11:39, Reply)

I don't have enough dirty dishes to warrant one. I have a lovely big kitchen, but I don't cook that much
My ex flatmate was terrible for leaving stuff in his dishwasher until it went mouldy and would then just wash it again. The dishwasher eventually died from mould overload.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 11:32, Reply)

I've only done that once
it was pretty grim, even though there weren't many dishes in there.

we tend to use the dishwasher every couples of days, which means that we do less washing up than if we didn't have one. which saves money, and effort.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 11:34, Reply)

He did it pretty much every time. I stopped using it because it was so disgusting and just washed everything I used by hand.
Much faster and I could be sure that it was free of fungi
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 11:37, Reply)

a wise decision
I couldn't live without mine though. There aren't many household chores that I hate, but washing up is one of them.

The only thing that comes close is hanging up washing.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 11:40, Reply)

You need to learn to do it Robin Stylee from Batman Forever

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 11:42, Reply)

how does he do it?
been a long time since I've seen that
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 11:47, Reply)

Better than you
You'll have to watch it I'm afraid.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 11:48, Reply)

I suspect the feed pipe is a bit blocked
because it washes fine. I use the eco setting anyway

I love the dishwasher. Given that it is not spending extra time heating up or washing, it's not using extra water or power, so it uses less than washing up in the sink, and crucially it saves 15 minutes at an important time, i.e. just after I've eaten and the last thing I want to do is do the fucking dishes
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 11:27, Reply)

Possibly
I had to take the filter out of mine and wash it, as the water wasn't draining away properly it was fucking rank. I nealry had a nervous breakdown just before we got ours. I wasn't working at the time and looking after my 2 kids, and all I seemed to do was either wash dishes, or put them away. There were ALWAYS dishes lying about somewhere. I ended up becoming a total DISH NAZI, whereby one plate/saucer could 'do' for many things.

Then the dishwasher arrived and when not washing, acts as a cupboard for dirty dishes, thereby keeping them out of my sight and subsequently keeps me from going insane.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 11:34, Reply)

I share your sentiments
I don't like dirty clutter about the place and having a dirty dish cupboard is a godsend. especially after you've had people round, eaten and then got fucked up. you can still come down in the morning with a hangover to a tidy kitchen.

I've checked the filters and stuff and they seem fine, so I'm assuming that as it is washing properly it must be the filler pipe that is blocked. they have a little filter thing on it, so I just need to pull the bastard out and have a look.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 11:37, Reply)

Fuck me, you two are like Brenda and Audrey
off the Bounty ads!
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 11:45, Reply)

fucking not!
I'm perfectly happy with how shit my sainsburys basics kitchen roll is and seeing some other cunt wiping stuff up using one sheet of Bounty won't make me feel bad
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 11:48, Reply)

Nice tunic

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 11:49, Reply)

:-P

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 11:53, Reply)

Efficient Domestic Routine
It's a panacea for all of modern societies ill's, embrace the marigolds Roota, come with us!! I'll show tricks with vinegar and bicardonate of soda you didn't think were possibly....but it is possible, all this and MOAR.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 11:54, Reply)

She'll show you her trick
with the Aubergine and a shaved mouse. It's quite something.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 11:55, Reply)

you said you wouldn't!!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 11:57, Reply)

No, I said you couldnt
but you proved me wrong.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 12:03, Reply)

i like to succeed

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 12:04, Reply)

Oh god I have me mother on the phone with all that
Don't get me wrong, my HOUSE is clean and that...
*shoves things under sofa*
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 11:56, Reply)

things under sofa aubergines up arse
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 12:03, Reply)

No, the mice go there

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 12:04, Reply)

Dirty little meeces

(Cancer Joy was short lived, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 12:10, Reply)

Your wife will be mine one day.
Oh yes
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 11:01, Reply)

Pretty much the same
I'm healthy (I think) apart from having high blood pressure.
I have the love of a good woman.
My family is sufficiently close to be in regular contact with, and also sufficiently far away to not get annoying!
I like my job and it pays OK - this will be better once the fucking credit card is paid off later this year.
I have some good friends, and have met some bloody good people in the last couple of years thanks to this place.
I am mortgage free - not many people my age can say that. That demands a croissant, I think.
I'm going on holiday later this year and am bloody looking forward to it.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 1 Feb 2010, 10:56, Reply)

Proffers croissant

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 11:01, Reply)

*Accepts graciously*

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 1 Feb 2010, 11:03, Reply)

I'm healthy
I have two jobs. I don't love them but they could be worse and they pay the bills.
I have friends and a family who love me.
I have a roof over my head, food in the cupboard and heating that works (this is getting a bit Nuttini now...)
I have a mentally wrong cat who loves me in his own way.
I got a drunken "Gorgeous xx" from someone on facebook last night. A bit wrong, but I'll take it as a compliment.
It's my birthday on Sunday and I'm doing exactly as I please.
I lost 4lb this week.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 10:58, Reply)

Did you look down the back of the sofa, etc.?

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 10:59, Reply)

I'm telling you, if I see those lbs, they'd better fucking leg it.
I don't want to see them again. Although I'm going to my fave Italian on Wednesday and to an Italian on Saturday for birthday fodder with my parents. I think me and the lbs will be getting reacquainted rather quickly.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 11:02, Reply)

You have cupboards? Blimey we call them fridges down south. Or do you do the student method of hanging food outside your window if you want it to stay cool?

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 11:03, Reply)

Haha shut it right
I have two fridges hactualleh!
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 11:04, Reply)

Is one to keep dead cats in?

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 11:06, Reply)

Dead kids

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 11:07, Reply)

Not big enough. You need proper cold storage for that
nods
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 11:11, Reply)

That's what that smell is...

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 11:12, Reply)

This has made me giggle and sad at the same time
www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2010/jan/31/surgeons-surge-man-boob-operations
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 11:06, Reply)

I've eaten four, yes, count 'em, FOUR croissants today already.
Yeah! Stick that in your pipe and smoke it Vipros you smug child abuser!
(Bazongaloid, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 11:07, Reply)

where did the child abuser thing come from?
or was that just random?

I haven't had a croissant in weeks :-/
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 11:12, Reply)

Everyone knows it, just admit it Vipros

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 11:13, Reply)

I think it comes from the child abuser/killer in lovely bones because Al sees himself as the little girl in it
watching down from heaven and shuddering at Stanley Tucci
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 11:13, Reply)

he does often see himself as a little girl
I blame the gingham dresses he wears
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 11:16, Reply)

And the beautiful bow in his hair

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 11:19, Reply)

It's a velvety one today.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 11:21, Reply)

Strokes while Clendrix isn't looking

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 11:23, Reply)

On Friday night they were calling me Paedo Glove
Because I had a chipped nail and drunkenly thought one leather glove would cover this well. Oh how we laughed. Then they started talking about necrophilia. Again, nobody recoiled in horror at this subject.
THEN somebody said "Roota's not up for necrophilia. She's got her paedo glove on." So I said "We could dig up a kid!" and everybody told me off.
So remember folks, in polite conversation:
Jokes about sex with kids = funny
Jokes about sex with the dead = funny
Jokes about sex with dead kids = very wrong
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 11:18, Reply)

You know people who have polite conversation?
-10 points
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 11:20, Reply)

Apparently so!
Hypocrites!
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 11:22, Reply)

I'm not going to answer this because as much as I have, I still feel like shit.

( girlinthehole, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 11:08, Reply)

LIST GOOD THINGS OR I'LL BATTER YOU

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 11:10, Reply)

She's coming on holiday with us this year.
That's a start.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 1 Feb 2010, 11:13, Reply)

I'm hoping to have perked up by August : )

( girlinthehole, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 11:14, Reply)

Ok then.
1. Roota wants to batter me
2. I have less spots than I usually have
3. It's nearly lunchtime
( girlinthehole, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 11:13, Reply)

There, wasn't hard was it?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 11:14, Reply)

You can do better than that

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 11:14, Reply)

As a man, I'm not even going to pretend I understand what BGB is going through
but I can list a couple of things that I'm sure make her happy

1) She doesn't have to wear a Burkha
2) She is friends with me and has met me IN REAL LIFE on no less than two occasions.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 11:17, Reply)

I guess I can begrudgingly add them to the list.

( girlinthehole, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 11:19, Reply)

Well here goes.
I'm calling my doctor tomorrow about psychiatric treatment (not psychology).
I DO have friends that care.
I have a lovely apartment in a lovely place.
I have a cat sleeping on the back of my chair, and one sleeping on my couch.
Whatever batshit stuff I'm doing, a year from now I'll be back to being Workboresme.
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 11:15, Reply)

Do you have a life plan?

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 11:22, Reply)

Right now, I just need to
have a weekly plan. Even a daily plan.
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 11:23, Reply)

Get to it then
I suggest doing it in several different colours on a spread sheet to make it look pretty.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 11:26, Reply)

Conditional Formatting is essential in this situation.
if it doesn't contain conditional formatting I don't consider it a real spreadsheet.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 11:31, Reply)

^this
it must also use vlookup
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 11:32, Reply)

I'm a big fan of countif and sumif.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 11:41, Reply)

I often forget to use those
and do things in a more convoluted way.

I've been using indirect and concatenate together with vlookup recently to use a cell value as a reference for a different sheet
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 11:46, Reply)

Move closer to the pub?

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 11:23, Reply)

Throw less cats through windows this year.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 11:39, Reply)

How about, throwing the same cat, through an open window, many times.

(Cancer Joy was short lived, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 11:42, Reply)