Hooray I've no more work today.
But I still have to sit here and look busy.

Entertain me you cunts.
( girlinthehole, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 12:46, 53 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Only if you vote for my joke.

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 4 Mar 2010, 12:49, Reply)

Pffft I'm not that desperate.

( girlinthehole, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 12:50, Reply)

I hate this new cheery blousy.
At least with the old desperation etc.....
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 4 Mar 2010, 12:54, Reply)

Well you better get used to it.
No more little miss moody cow.
( girlinthehole, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 12:56, Reply)

Don't forget,
the more you build yourself up now, the further the crashing fall back to reality will be later.

:)
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 12:59, Reply)

handy self help advice there

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 12:59, Reply)

Thanks for that.

( girlinthehole, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 12:59, Reply)

In other news
How's your belly off for spots?

I've got a boil in my navel.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 4 Mar 2010, 12:56, Reply)

Gross
Inny or outy?
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 12:56, Reply)

Inny.
But it's an ingrowing hair if that helps.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 4 Mar 2010, 12:57, Reply)

Fuck knows
I'm not a doctor.

Squeeze it hard and use a scalpel to lance it. Rub TCP into the crater.

That's what I do.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 13:05, Reply)

A man after me own heart.
I'll wait for it to fester properly first though.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 4 Mar 2010, 13:14, Reply)

I shot one across the bathroom once
from my thigh to the tiles was 6 feet. It had a solid plug of puss, my very own Etna.

There was a lot of blood.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 13:19, Reply)

Ew!
I think I'll go back to young men as they tend not to get boils.
( girlinthehole, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 13:22, Reply)

That was when I was a young man (boy)
I don't get them now, all my hair folicles are dead.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 13:27, Reply)

You've tempted me sir.
I shall now sneak off for a surreptitious plook.

Edit. Nope, not ready yet.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 4 Mar 2010, 13:25, Reply)

You said Plook
I haven't heard that in years.

*brings tear to eyes*
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 13:28, Reply)

It's a great word
One of many from the rich Scottish lexicon.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 13:30, Reply)

I was in Glasgow last weekend.
I met a young lady in a bar who, when asked to keep a secret, said

Women can't keep secrets,
Men can't hold onto farts
So if you want me to keep it,
Stuff it up me arse!

I was very impressed.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 4 Mar 2010, 13:33, Reply)

I wonder if I got that from Billy Connolly
I know we didn't call them zits back then.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 13:34, Reply)

Hereabouts
They're always referred to as plooks. Unless you're trying to be polite, in which case they're spots. Not pimples or zits though.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 13:36, Reply)

indeed
an unfortunately over-spotty kid was forever heralded through the corridors of my school as "plooky bastard" - at least you knew when he was coming
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 13:52, Reply)

I always thought Plook was a verb and happened to zits

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 4 Mar 2010, 14:03, Reply)

I think both are interchangable
I have zitted plooks before.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 14:39, Reply)

I see this is the old duffers thread.

( girlinthehole, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 12:57, Reply)

Shall we speak of baffies and comodes?
I can feel a pome coming on.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 4 Mar 2010, 12:59, Reply)

Baffies?
Why's everyone coming over all Scots today?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 13:30, Reply)

Bukkake?

( girlinthehole, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 13:32, Reply)

Isn't that Japanese?
Although I have heard it happens in Scotland too.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 13:33, Reply)

I remember when this were all fields...
*Hovis tune*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 12:59, Reply)

I remember when all of this was primordial swamp.

( girlinthehole, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 13:00, Reply)

I remember when all this wasn't.

(Deadly Octopus no deaths since, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 14:14, Reply)

Yeah, and they belonged to your family
Up the workers.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 13:07, Reply)

*tap dances*

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 13:28, Reply)

Stop fidgetting and go the the loo
This thread is for old people.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 13:30, Reply)

She's nearly old. It won't be long.

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 4 Mar 2010, 13:31, Reply)

She channels old through her nana.

( girlinthehole, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 13:32, Reply)

Purely

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 13:34, Reply)

*piddles*
I'm 32 ya bugger
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 13:31, Reply)

Youngster!

( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 13:33, Reply)

With a rousing
"Good evening Ladies and Germs!"
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 4 Mar 2010, 13:30, Reply)

No, its "Good evening ladles and jellyspoons"

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 13:36, Reply)

I know my Garfield.

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 4 Mar 2010, 13:38, Reply)

I know my Scaffold

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 13:41, Reply)

With apologies to Lewis Carroll
The time has come, the old cunts said
To speak of many things
Of zimmer frames and hearing aids
And haemorrhoid cream that stings.
And we will think us lucky
At how much joy that brings.

If only time were slower
And all our days were long
We’d live them out in happiness
Tooting on a bong
And lots of other helpful pharm
To raise a smiling dong.

A little bit of leakage
Will get us through the day
The smell of wee, the smell of cats
Nought will us dismay
Dried up cooch means nothing
KY will let us play.

More may be added.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 4 Mar 2010, 13:39, Reply)

Top marks

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 13:40, Reply)

Clever old bugger.

( girlinthehole, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 13:41, Reply)

Preens.
Thank you.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 4 Mar 2010, 13:43, Reply)

entertain you?
you're the one with free time - entertain us who still have to work :)
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 13:53, Reply)

*sings*
All the single ladies
All the single ladies

All the single ladies
All the single ladies

Oh oh oh ohoh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
( girlinthehole, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 13:54, Reply)

I imagined you moving that luscious frame of yours to that.
Phwoooar. Cloth please.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 4 Mar 2010, 14:04, Reply)

Dirty old get.

( girlinthehole, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 14:44, Reply)

Get.
That is one of my favourite words, so much better than git. Well done.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 4 Mar 2010, 15:07, Reply)