So this weeks question isn't a question
its a request to make up a letter and try to be funny. Now as a non funny person I have accepted this and all my answers on QOTW have been true which is probably why I don't like it when people write answers that are total bullshit but pretend to be the truth, but surely this week is just going to be hundreds of made up letters trying to be funny and a couple of stories lying to make their boring life fantastic. I doubt we are going to get many genuine heartfelt reads. What a whining cunt I am today.

I had brown rice with a very thinly sliced Peperami hot mixed in with it. It was delicious. If you were God but for only for enough time to do one deed what would you do?

p.s. if its kill Bono you get a free go.
( Peej, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 14:45, 11 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I was so disgusted and ANGRY about the qotw suggestion that I made my own
www.b3ta.com/questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post652593
(PsychoChomp, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 14:47, Reply)

I don't like breasts

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 14:49, Reply)

IN OPPOSITE LAND

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 14:50, Reply)

Man, that should win that weeks /qotw.
It truely would be the best /qotw of all time. People talking about breasts for a whole week.

Just imagine it.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 14:51, Reply)

It would just be another off topic then.

( girlinthehole, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 14:52, Reply)

What do your tits look like?
I bet they look like two breams.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 14:54, Reply)

hahahahahahahahahah
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah

Ha
( girlinthehole, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 14:54, Reply)

Oh my goshsk Olive!
UG UG UG UG UG UG UG UG UG UG
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 14:56, Reply)

My tits used to be pretty big
Then I gave up eating 10 packs of crisps a day and they're now really small.
( Peej, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 14:56, Reply)

Aw man, well that's no fun.
Maybe you could eat 40 bags of crisps a day and then show us all, but don't shave them.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 14:57, Reply)

man I'd go up to at least an D cup if I did that!
But they wouldn't go over my belly
( Peej, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 14:58, Reply)

I'm posting you a MASSIVE bag of Monster Munch as we speak

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 15:01, Reply)

But I'm not allowed to shave my chest?
Ok but it better be a fucking huge bag. If I get so fat I can't see my dick anymore it better be worth it. Oh and either Flaming Hot or Beef. The pickled onion ones strip the skin off my mouth for some reason.
( Peej, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 15:09, Reply)

Man, this is going to be soooo fucking hot.
Oh god, my buttocks are wobbling with lust...oh god.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 15:12, Reply)

OH GOD!
I CAN'T STOP POOPIN'!

*blooooorp plap plap plap plap plap plap plap pppfffffttttttttt BLLOORG CHUFF PLOOO PLOOOTPLOOOTT*
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 15:13, Reply)

ahhh....ahh....I think it's stoppe
*HHUUURRNN CHUFFA CHUFFA POOP A DINKLE BLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRTTTTTTT*
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 15:14, Reply)

I think that's
*parp*

I think that's

*plop*

I think that's

*plop*

I think....

*plop*

I

I

I think that's i *FFFFREEEEENN FWIP FWIP FWIP FWIP SSPPLAAAAASSSSSSSSSSH POOT POOT PAABLEEEEEEEEEEEGGGGG!*
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 15:15, Reply)

Would someone lend me their trousers please?
I will pay you.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 15:19, Reply)

well fuck you all.
apart from Vipros. and the ones that like me. and that one that looks like a squashed shed.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 15:27, Reply)

Go and get your hair cut you hippy.

( girlinthehole, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 15:29, Reply)

Noooooooooooooooooooooooooope
Go and...erm...grow your armpit hair or something....yeah, told you.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 15:33, Reply)

p.s. well someone's got to be the woman in this relationship...

you're a terrible girlfriend.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 15:37, Reply)

the one that looks like a squashed shed?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 16:47, Reply)

I bet many virgins would make up stories about how they once touched a pair or breasts and they felt like two carrier bags full of chips.

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 14:55, Reply)

hey, that happened to me!
are you stealing my stories?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 14:56, Reply)

Sssssssh!!!
I once touched a boob and it felt just like my mum's I mean aunt's I mean I've only felt my bum cheek and pretended it was a boob when having a willy wobble in my bunk bed.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 14:58, Reply)

Got that covered in the qotw.
Dear God.
When I die and go to heaven, can you put me in the dorm near Gerald Butler and George Clooney.

Fank you.
( big-girl's-blouse www.b3ta.com/calendar/event/21876, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 14:38, Delete, Edit, Reply, I like this!)
( girlinthehole, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 14:48, Reply)

Your link has a comma at the end
Link Fail no Gerald Butler and George Clooney for you today!
( Peej, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 14:55, Reply)

also, I think you mean Gerard Butler

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 14:56, Reply)

Who asked you!
She obviously means this guy www.oeclaw.co.uk/members/barrister.asp?b=589
( Peej, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 14:57, Reply)

ah yes
can't keep blousie away from the bar
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 14:58, Reply)

bar fridge
( girlinthehole, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 15:00, Reply)

He knows who he is.

( girlinthehole, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 14:57, Reply)

I'd erase the aggressive gene from humans.
We'd all be luvved up and happy and no-one would hate Bono. Shit, I knew there'd be a flaw somewhere. Then again I didn't say anything about the hate gene, so that's alright. As you were.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 4 Mar 2010, 15:10, Reply)

You could kill bono
and then use your free go for the peace and love.

No worries!
( Peej, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 15:27, Reply)

I'd shit on a Puffin
Fucking Puffins, they're the cunts of the coast
(Bret Mong Keys Eggs has wet his weapon, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 15:15, Reply)

What has a Puffin ever done to you?

( girlinthehole, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 15:21, Reply)

Maybe one shit on him
and now he wants to go full circle and shit on it right back!?
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Thu 4 Mar 2010, 15:23, Reply)

They should round them up on an Island.
And then you could do one giant shit on all of them.

That would be way cool.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 15:23, Reply)

Ooooh me me!
I’d make myself super-smokin-hawt and then parade around the place doing things that super-smokin-hawt people do… erm… exercising and eating tiny salads… and doing lunges… lots of lunges. I believe this would appease a lot of people… probably only men though, not a lot of women appreciate other super-smokin’-hawt women… except Roota.
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Thu 4 Mar 2010, 15:19, Reply)

They do lots of pouting too.

( girlinthehole, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 15:22, Reply)

That is a valid point
I'll have to work on that!

*pouts*
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Thu 4 Mar 2010, 15:23, Reply)

I thought you already were?
That's what I was told anyways
( Peej, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 15:29, Reply)

Nah its all lies.
I’m attractive in the sense that I’m an alright looking female MASSIVE GEEK. I find myself in a rather small niche as sadly the stereotype for female massive geeks is that they are scary looking, I’m in the ‘meh alright’ category.
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Thu 4 Mar 2010, 15:38, Reply)

I wish my wife was a massive geek
At least we could watch SciFi together.
( Peej, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 15:39, Reply)

See that’s the best thing about marrying a fellow geek.
We like all the same tv programmes. Although sometimes we have to watch things on our own… I watch Glee and TruBlood and DiT watches Cop programmes and Deadliest Catch. :)
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Thu 4 Mar 2010, 15:45, Reply)

LIES!!!!
You're purdy.
( girlinthehole, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 15:40, Reply)

Thanks but you should save such comments until you meet me. :)
I photograph better than I actually look... even with a giraffe in my mouth!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Thu 4 Mar 2010, 15:43, Reply)

I wish I photographed better than I look : (

( girlinthehole, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 15:44, Reply)

I don't think I've ever looked on your profile, do you have a picture of you there?
I guess photographing well will aid me in the long run. When I'm old and wrinkly I can say - check me out, back then I was smokin'.
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Thu 4 Mar 2010, 15:47, Reply)

Yes but my hair is longer now.
It's not too bad a photo but I have to take a hell of a lot of pictures to get a half decent one.
( girlinthehole, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 15:49, Reply)

Oooh I’ll have a butchers when I’m home tonight. I bet you look lovely you 'nana!
I don’t tend to click on peoples profiles as its obvious I’m dicking about if I’m looking at pictures, people can see my screen from where I sit.
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Thu 4 Mar 2010, 15:51, Reply)

Okeydokey : )

( girlinthehole, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 15:53, Reply)

You is proper fit in real life
You're all perfect, but not in an annoying way.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 15:46, Reply)

Nah you met my stunt-me. She's wicked
I'm a bit of a dick! :D
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Thu 4 Mar 2010, 15:48, Reply)

Hahah
I hope I always get the stunt you...
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 15:55, Reply)

Me too
For your sake... for everyones sake. The real me is like a female Chompy but moody!! :)
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Thu 4 Mar 2010, 15:57, Reply)

HAWT STURF!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 15:36, Reply)

Boo-yah!

(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Thu 4 Mar 2010, 15:38, Reply)

If I was God then I would make all the guys bleed from their willies once a month.
Then see how quickly sanitary pads get given out free.

*Brands*
( girlinthehole, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 15:28, Reply)

They're not exactly expensive though are they?
I know because I get sent to buy them. Yes that's right I am a man that buy sanitary towels for my wife, a fucking hero if you will, now where is my fucking medal!
( Peej, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 15:31, Reply)

I think if they make tampons free then they should also make nag proof ear plugs free.

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 15:32, Reply)

They are when you're on the dole and every penny counts.

( girlinthehole, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 15:33, Reply)

So my taxes pay for their giro
and they want even more taxes out of me for free jam rags? well fuck right off dolescums!
( Peej, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 15:38, Reply)

I would like to kick a girl in the testicles.

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 15:32, Reply)

I don't think we would need a pad.
Perhaps an ear bud style tampon for japs eye insertions, with applicator and non-applicator editions
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 15:34, Reply)

Just use an ear bud.
it's got a built in cock support too.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 15:36, Reply)

I can see it now
"Chaps Aye" - With all new cock support, available in a range of widths and lengths.

ALSO AVAILABLE

Limited Edition Ribbed Variety for all you fruity bastards out there
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 15:40, Reply)

I hope they're flavoured for afterwards...

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 15:44, Reply)

Is that thick yukky blood or thin runny blood?
'cos if it was thin runny blood, guys would love it. You could graffiti at will, and writing in the snow would look mega.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 15:37, Reply)

I would kill everyone I disliked
And some people I would force them through certain experiences to make them stop being cunts.
If they didn't learn, they would get killed too.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 15:37, Reply)

Ooooo! I like it when you get angry.

( girlinthehole, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 15:39, Reply)

And DEFINITELY Eddie who bullied me when I was little.
If I'd killed him as a child he would not have gone on to sell drugs, burn his house down, and spawn three barefoot clones who will no doubt grow up to steal my mum and dad's pensions for drug money.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 15:41, Reply)

Fuhrer Roota

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 15:40, Reply)

*is a fraction German*
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 15:42, Reply)

OMG Me too!
I wonder if that's why we like the kinky stuff.
( girlinthehole, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 15:43, Reply)

Hahah, total frauleins!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 15:44, Reply)

My mum used to make me wear a dirndl when I was a nipper.

( girlinthehole, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 15:46, Reply)

I'd have loved that
But my nana's family had a 'bit of trouble' for being German so they changed their name, to a different but equally German-sounding name and stopped going on about it.

EDIT I must add that this is not THE Nana, this is my other nana who died last year. She would knock men the fuck OUT man. She was nails.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 15:47, Reply)

Now I know the name for that,
I will be doing a comprehensive image search when I get home.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 15:49, Reply)

I still can't work out what the question is
"Can anyone write a pretend letter that would get ignored?" perhaps. Or maybe "Are any of you guys funny buggers? Write us a letter and show us" or maybe "Most of the popular answers are lies anyway so can you make up a letter?"
( Peej, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 15:53, Reply)

I'm going to submit an answer when I get home and can properly think. It won't be funny.
If I were God for enough time to do one deed I would....gosh this is hard...ummm....feed all of the hungry. Yeah! That's good, right? I reckon.
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 16:03, Reply)

What's wrong with the reply counter
its confuzzling
( Peej, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 16:59, Reply)