Back when I was in a band our drummer choked to death on my vomit
They never found out it was mine though, it turns out you can't really dust for vomit
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 10:40, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

You can get dna samples though, so your joke doesn't really work.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 10:42, Reply)

it worked when spinal tap did it

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 10:43, Reply)

They were pre CSI.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 10:45, Reply)

C.S.I. is not a documentary

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 10:46, Reply)

but it is scientific fact.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 10:47, Reply)

Thank god we can now enhance video images so easily
it will wipe out crime
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 10:49, Reply)

nor are you

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 10:48, Reply)

I would be a rockumentary

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 10:49, Reply)

r c
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 10:58, Reply)

ha!

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:02, Reply)

Ah, pre-CSI
When jokes could be made without humourless chumps picking them apart :-)
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 10:50, Reply)

Don't use smilies.
It ruins the apparent vitriol.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 10:52, Reply)

I'm not really that vitriloic a person

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 10:55, Reply)

I am.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:02, Reply)

We know
I'm choosing to believe thus far that I can communicate in Off Topic without being a shit. Is this level of naivety soon to be driven from me like a great big car?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:03, Reply)

There's a fine line
between good-natured ribbing & ranting about things that annoy you, and being an actual shit to real people on here.

In my own deluded world I hope to be classed amongst the former rather than the latter. This may be wholly inaccurate but that is at least my intention.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:07, Reply)

only things that I find offensive that I've seen you say are about Bruce Dickinson
and I'll let you off because you are clearly an addlepated lackwit
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:08, Reply)

Don't tell me he's dissed the Maiden
Otherwise I've always found your comments to be humourous with smidgens of offensiveness rather than the other way round
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:10, Reply)

see below
Iron Maiden are awful.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:13, Reply)

This is incorrect and you didn't show your working

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:14, Reply)

Exhibit A:
The Arena metal documentary screened in the late 80s.
Dickinson is on an exercise bike, topless, in Union Jack shorts.
In best Colin Hunt voice: 'Huh! I've never got into the rock'n'roll lifestyle me. I just don't understand it' - cut to his collection of KISS memorabilia, and then to him fencing in a pair of tights.

What a legend, sorry, BELLend.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:18, Reply)

he is a complete fucking nerd it is true

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:22, Reply)

now you see
I'd have thought 'what a legend' rather than 'what a bellend' because I'd rather that than him being a total twat
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:25, Reply)

I don't mind him being a nerd
because he is also a legend.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:30, Reply)

whereas
for me his being a nerd contributes to the legend
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:35, Reply)

The person he most reminds me of
is Bill Oddie. Not what I want from my rock legends, thank you.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:40, Reply)

ne tu
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:26, Reply)

Absolutely top-end antiquated insults there, old chap.
I'll forgive you for blatantly fancying terminally uncool IT department bellend Dickinson for that.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:13, Reply)

Much obliged
I think he's awesome. After watching Flight 666 my opinion of everyone in Maiden shot up, because they are all such dudes. Particularly Adrian Smith.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:15, Reply)

he's not terminally uncool
just un-concerned with style
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:22, Reply)

He's Colin Hunt from The Fast Show in a pair of fucking tights.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:26, Reply)

alright Monty
tell me who you think is a sublime singer with a great sense of style and showmanship. And the answer David Bowie isn't allowed
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:30, Reply)

Robert Plant, for one.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:34, Reply)

he is the shiznit

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:37, Reply)

I like Robert Plant
and I like Led Zeppelin. But nothing on this earth would make me credit Robert Plant with extreme helpings of those qualities mentioned above.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:37, Reply)

he is by far the best frontman I've seen live
and that includes Maiden, Metallica, Alice Cooper, Dio, Deep Purple, Tool and many others from different genres whose names escape me.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:39, Reply)

I've never had the privilige
of seeing him live sadly, so it could be that. My dad did though and he thought he was pretty ace
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:41, Reply)

I saw him with his band The Strange Sensation a few years ago
and I suspect it will forever be the best gig I've ever seen.

His voice is incredible live, even more so than on record and I'd never really experienced it before, but he just exudes this aura of awesomeness.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:43, Reply)

Well
I'd certainly go see if I had the opportunity, but a quick glance on his website reveals only a US tour
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:46, Reply)

I can't recommend it enough
I'd kill to see him and Alison Krauss in concert. I suspect that it might make me weep tears of joy.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:48, Reply)

joy man-milk from my 'eye of Hirohito'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:52, Reply)

that too

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:54, Reply)

I feel
like I've missed out on a lot of good stuff by virtue of youth (not even that young)
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:53, Reply)

how old?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:55, Reply)

21

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:56, Reply)

perhaps slightly then
I'm 28 though, and started my gig attendance quite late, so there is still time.

Trouble is, the real legends who are left are starting to get on a bit now. I've just been lucky I think.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:58, Reply)

I've seen a few good things
Motorhead etc, but as I think I mentioned once Iron Maiden are absolutely jinxed for me
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 12:00, Reply)

you'd better not fuck up them playing at sonisphere this year
or me and my mrs will not be impressed
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 12:03, Reply)

neither of you
could do anything to me that I would not be doing to myself if that happened. But it it makes you feel better the things that have prevented me from seeing have only happened to me, rather than preventing the band playing to all the other people with tickets
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 12:07, Reply)

that is a reassurance
thanks :-)
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 12:12, Reply)

it'll
probably be a broken neck this time.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 12:14, Reply)

Lemmy and Hendrix
both the perfect singers for their style, both excellent musicians at the same time and neither of them an embarrassing uncool knob. A million, million miles away from Dickinson's excruciating personality.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:38, Reply)

I think the thing is
Dickinson perfectly suits their music, which is a technically good, yet kind of tongue-in-cheek type of thing.

and if you don't like that, you won't like him.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:40, Reply)

Lemmy is a bass player and is therefore not a good musician :p

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:42, Reply)

don't let Mr Crow hear you say that

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:45, Reply)

TOO LATE.
An accomplished bass guitarist (i.e., not Sting) is the anchorpoint for the band's rhythm section, and the more modest counterpart to the show-off on lead guitar.

Vipros is going to post that cartoon now, isn't he?
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:53, Reply)

I might

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:53, Reply)

Go for it
You can't dent my pride now: I had a truly awesome spell on bass at a blues jam in Soho last night.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:56, Reply)

can't be arsed
also, I love playing bass, especially jamming crazy stuff.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:57, Reply)

Finally! Got it in writing
I always suspected you really wanted to trade in that gorgeous Strat for a Fender Precision...
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 12:00, Reply)

as if
I've got a Stingray copy, and if I got an expensive bass it'd be a Stingray. Bass player in my band has a gorgeous purple Stingray. A snip at £1600
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 12:03, Reply)

I've never had the pleasure of playing one, I must confess
I've always been put off by the position of the pickup though: I've never really taken to bridge-position pickups on basses. However this is doubtless a bias from years of playing a Precision copy, and I know you can get variants with a 2nd pickup. Probably shouldn't knock it until I've tried it.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 12:09, Reply)

they are a really nice shape
and the necks are very nice.

I can't say I have enough experience on the bass to have considered pickup position
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 12:10, Reply)

My other bass
has neck and bridge pickups. I guess it depends what sound you're after, but I've found that for all the combinations of sounds it produces, the only worthwhile one is the neck pickup alone. Though it does have a much smaller body and neck profile than a Precision or a Stringray, so that might have something to do with it.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 12:16, Reply)

pretty sure one of my mates had the 5 string equivalent of that
nice bass to play
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 12:22, Reply)

They are a delight in that respect
Really easy to get your hands around. Still, every band I've played with has said they preferred the sound of the Precision to the Aria. Again, maybe it's just down to playing style, but the Aria just doesn't have quite the same clout to it. Still lovely to play though...
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 12:30, Reply)

I think
the fundamental divide here Monty is that you need some level of 'cool' in a standardly defined sense from your rock icons, whereas I don't as such. And while I'm hardly an authority on Hendrix apart from his music I think he's a bit of a twat (unsure what tense to use there.)
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:44, Reply)

I cannot actually believe I'm reading this.
Hendrix (upon whom I really am something of an authority) had some weaknesses - he found it hard to say no to people and was easily pushed around, but I challenge you to find a single account of a contemporary of his saying anything other than that he was a really, really nice, shy, pleasant man.

He also had more talent in his little toe than pretty much any other musician that I'm aware of. Maybe Miles Davis was as able, but I know nothing of him or his work, I confess.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:47, Reply)

But Monty
it's personal opinion. What I've read (obviously I'm too young to have seen him) and what I've heard simply strikes no chords.
I think that was a bad pun, but anyhow the point stands. My grounds for rejecting Hendrix as a personal icon (though obviously musically brilliant) are personal ones.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:52, Reply)

It's a personal opinion, but it's one
I share with every single person who has ever had anything to say about the man.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:59, Reply)

I'm thinking about it
and I can't recall ever hearing anyone say anything about his personality (other than you of course)

this may shock you Monty, but while I obviously have an appreciation of how awesome he was, aside from a select few, I don't really care to listen to his stuff.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 12:00, Reply)

^
Pretty much this. Sorry Monty but being in complete agreement with everyone else simply isn't cool remember ;)
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 12:02, Reply)

That's a daft remark.
I've based my opinions on years of researching contemporary accounts, you've classed him as a 'twat' based on, it seems, nothing at all.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 12:13, Reply)

I don't
like him enough to do research into him. I don't think anything about him seemed especially likable or decent or warranting further enquiry into someone whose music while as I said brilliant, leaves me emotionally cold and un-connected with it
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 12:16, Reply)

As a guitarist I'm really surprised to hear you say that.
I could watch him perform or listen to his records all day long. To my ears his work creates almost a year 0 for rock, like years BC or AD. The studio innovation and stylistic variety in his output, not to mention the technical ability simply amazes me.

Each to their own, of course. When my father played me Hendrix when I was about 7 or 8 I was floored. No-one since has affected me anywhere near as much.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 12:12, Reply)

it's not that I don't like it, or appreciate how good it is
and there are a number of his songs that I really really love.

I think it is probably the case that I don't know enough of his stuff, and the ones I do know are the obvious ones which get overplayed.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 12:14, Reply)

I regard 'Driving South'
on the BBC sessions LP to be the best guitar playing, by anyone, ever.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 12:16, Reply)

I will check it out then
I assume you've heard the recent album. I've heard a few bits, and have to say that the version of Sunshine of your love is fucking awful.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 12:20, Reply)

I'd like to proffer
'St Pancras' by Quintessence as a strong contender for that title. For all the daft mystic chanting, Alan Mostert did play some superb lead guitar. But that recording of 'Driving South' is excellent - is that BBC session worth having on the whole?
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 12:27, Reply)

brace yourself

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:48, Reply)

I try to be mean to everyone,
but they like me anyway.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:13, Reply)

but they like me anyway.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:14, Reply)

I MADE A JAWS JOKE EARLIER

(PsychoChomp, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:16, Reply)

That was actually rather good

definately the best Jaws joke of the day
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:17, Reply)

It's still not on the popular page
I think it's actually broken, seems shorter than it was before.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:20, Reply)

much shorter
I'd just thought people hadn't been clicking and things had been falling off the bottom because they were old
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:21, Reply)

fucking hell it's only 4 posts now
You lot need to be funnier.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:25, Reply)

you need to pour yourself a tall glass of shut the fuck up

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:30, Reply)

I've clicked this in the hope it'll reach the popular page

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:32, Reply)

I have a feeling the popular page is properly borked
although chompy's jaws joke is at the top, which I hate to say it, is probably where it should be
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:34, Reply)

it's my humble opinion that you are good for the internet

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:14, Reply)

If only to serve as a cautionary tale

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:17, Reply)

You get more than your fair share of popular posts
and you can't argue with popular opinion.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:36, Reply)

yes you are

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:03, Reply)