I know someone who is an utter liability
Once when travelling he was sharing a mixed dorm somewhere in the far east. One fateful night he and his travelling companion went out and got horribly drunk, before stumbling back and passing out in their beds.

Travelling companion has, it seems, had a little too much and in the middle of the night his bladder let out and he pissed himself. Annoying for him, certainly, however it was more annoying for the French girl in the bunk below who got an impromptu golden shower.

This annoyed her, but she brushed herself down and flipped her mattress onto the floor on the other side of the room and retreated to the land of nod. that is until, the my friend in his drunken state knelt up in his bed, whipped out his nob and pissed all over her again, before passing out. poor, poor girl, at least she was French and probably used to the smell.

Tell me about when you've soiled yourself either urinally, feacally or vomitously
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 10:30, 133 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I haven't since I was a child.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 10:33, Reply)

we should form a club

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 10:36, Reply)

The no pissy pants club

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 10:36, Reply)

Me too.

( girlinthehole, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 10:37, Reply)

I wee'd in my laundry basket after my stag night.

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 10:39, Reply)

I can almost see the drunken logic in that...
"Meh, they need a wash anyway and it should be quite absorbent...it'll be like pissing into a barrel of Tena pads..."
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:51, Reply)

Back when I was in a band our drummer choked to death on my vomit
They never found out it was mine though, it turns out you can't really dust for vomit
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 10:40, Reply)

You can get dna samples though, so your joke doesn't really work.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 10:42, Reply)

it worked when spinal tap did it

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 10:43, Reply)

They were pre CSI.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 10:45, Reply)

C.S.I. is not a documentary

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 10:46, Reply)

but it is scientific fact.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 10:47, Reply)

Thank god we can now enhance video images so easily
it will wipe out crime
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 10:49, Reply)

nor are you

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 10:48, Reply)

I would be a rockumentary

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 10:49, Reply)

r c
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 10:58, Reply)

ha!

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:02, Reply)

Ah, pre-CSI
When jokes could be made without humourless chumps picking them apart :-)
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 10:50, Reply)

Don't use smilies.
It ruins the apparent vitriol.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 10:52, Reply)

I'm not really that vitriloic a person

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 10:55, Reply)

I am.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:02, Reply)

We know
I'm choosing to believe thus far that I can communicate in Off Topic without being a shit. Is this level of naivety soon to be driven from me like a great big car?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:03, Reply)

There's a fine line
between good-natured ribbing & ranting about things that annoy you, and being an actual shit to real people on here.

In my own deluded world I hope to be classed amongst the former rather than the latter. This may be wholly inaccurate but that is at least my intention.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:07, Reply)

only things that I find offensive that I've seen you say are about Bruce Dickinson
and I'll let you off because you are clearly an addlepated lackwit
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:08, Reply)

Don't tell me he's dissed the Maiden
Otherwise I've always found your comments to be humourous with smidgens of offensiveness rather than the other way round
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:10, Reply)

see below
Iron Maiden are awful.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:13, Reply)

This is incorrect and you didn't show your working

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:14, Reply)

Exhibit A:
The Arena metal documentary screened in the late 80s.
Dickinson is on an exercise bike, topless, in Union Jack shorts.
In best Colin Hunt voice: 'Huh! I've never got into the rock'n'roll lifestyle me. I just don't understand it' - cut to his collection of KISS memorabilia, and then to him fencing in a pair of tights.

What a legend, sorry, BELLend.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:18, Reply)

he is a complete fucking nerd it is true

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:22, Reply)

now you see
I'd have thought 'what a legend' rather than 'what a bellend' because I'd rather that than him being a total twat
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:25, Reply)

I don't mind him being a nerd
because he is also a legend.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:30, Reply)

whereas
for me his being a nerd contributes to the legend
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:35, Reply)

The person he most reminds me of
is Bill Oddie. Not what I want from my rock legends, thank you.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:40, Reply)

ne tu
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:26, Reply)

Absolutely top-end antiquated insults there, old chap.
I'll forgive you for blatantly fancying terminally uncool IT department bellend Dickinson for that.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:13, Reply)

Much obliged
I think he's awesome. After watching Flight 666 my opinion of everyone in Maiden shot up, because they are all such dudes. Particularly Adrian Smith.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:15, Reply)

he's not terminally uncool
just un-concerned with style
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:22, Reply)

He's Colin Hunt from The Fast Show in a pair of fucking tights.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:26, Reply)

alright Monty
tell me who you think is a sublime singer with a great sense of style and showmanship. And the answer David Bowie isn't allowed
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:30, Reply)

Robert Plant, for one.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:34, Reply)

he is the shiznit

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:37, Reply)

I like Robert Plant
and I like Led Zeppelin. But nothing on this earth would make me credit Robert Plant with extreme helpings of those qualities mentioned above.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:37, Reply)

he is by far the best frontman I've seen live
and that includes Maiden, Metallica, Alice Cooper, Dio, Deep Purple, Tool and many others from different genres whose names escape me.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:39, Reply)

I've never had the privilige
of seeing him live sadly, so it could be that. My dad did though and he thought he was pretty ace
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:41, Reply)

I saw him with his band The Strange Sensation a few years ago
and I suspect it will forever be the best gig I've ever seen.

His voice is incredible live, even more so than on record and I'd never really experienced it before, but he just exudes this aura of awesomeness.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:43, Reply)

Well
I'd certainly go see if I had the opportunity, but a quick glance on his website reveals only a US tour
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:46, Reply)

I can't recommend it enough
I'd kill to see him and Alison Krauss in concert. I suspect that it might make me weep tears of joy.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:48, Reply)

joy man-milk from my 'eye of Hirohito'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:52, Reply)

that too

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:54, Reply)

I feel
like I've missed out on a lot of good stuff by virtue of youth (not even that young)
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:53, Reply)

how old?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:55, Reply)

21

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:56, Reply)

perhaps slightly then
I'm 28 though, and started my gig attendance quite late, so there is still time.

Trouble is, the real legends who are left are starting to get on a bit now. I've just been lucky I think.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:58, Reply)

I've seen a few good things
Motorhead etc, but as I think I mentioned once Iron Maiden are absolutely jinxed for me
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 12:00, Reply)

you'd better not fuck up them playing at sonisphere this year
or me and my mrs will not be impressed
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 12:03, Reply)

neither of you
could do anything to me that I would not be doing to myself if that happened. But it it makes you feel better the things that have prevented me from seeing have only happened to me, rather than preventing the band playing to all the other people with tickets
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 12:07, Reply)

that is a reassurance
thanks :-)
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 12:12, Reply)

it'll
probably be a broken neck this time.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 12:14, Reply)

Lemmy and Hendrix
both the perfect singers for their style, both excellent musicians at the same time and neither of them an embarrassing uncool knob. A million, million miles away from Dickinson's excruciating personality.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:38, Reply)

I think the thing is
Dickinson perfectly suits their music, which is a technically good, yet kind of tongue-in-cheek type of thing.

and if you don't like that, you won't like him.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:40, Reply)

Lemmy is a bass player and is therefore not a good musician :p

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:42, Reply)

don't let Mr Crow hear you say that

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:45, Reply)

TOO LATE.
An accomplished bass guitarist (i.e., not Sting) is the anchorpoint for the band's rhythm section, and the more modest counterpart to the show-off on lead guitar.

Vipros is going to post that cartoon now, isn't he?
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:53, Reply)

I might

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:53, Reply)

Go for it
You can't dent my pride now: I had a truly awesome spell on bass at a blues jam in Soho last night.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:56, Reply)

can't be arsed
also, I love playing bass, especially jamming crazy stuff.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:57, Reply)

Finally! Got it in writing
I always suspected you really wanted to trade in that gorgeous Strat for a Fender Precision...
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 12:00, Reply)

as if
I've got a Stingray copy, and if I got an expensive bass it'd be a Stingray. Bass player in my band has a gorgeous purple Stingray. A snip at £1600
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 12:03, Reply)

I've never had the pleasure of playing one, I must confess
I've always been put off by the position of the pickup though: I've never really taken to bridge-position pickups on basses. However this is doubtless a bias from years of playing a Precision copy, and I know you can get variants with a 2nd pickup. Probably shouldn't knock it until I've tried it.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 12:09, Reply)

they are a really nice shape
and the necks are very nice.

I can't say I have enough experience on the bass to have considered pickup position
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 12:10, Reply)

My other bass
has neck and bridge pickups. I guess it depends what sound you're after, but I've found that for all the combinations of sounds it produces, the only worthwhile one is the neck pickup alone. Though it does have a much smaller body and neck profile than a Precision or a Stringray, so that might have something to do with it.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 12:16, Reply)

pretty sure one of my mates had the 5 string equivalent of that
nice bass to play
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 12:22, Reply)

They are a delight in that respect
Really easy to get your hands around. Still, every band I've played with has said they preferred the sound of the Precision to the Aria. Again, maybe it's just down to playing style, but the Aria just doesn't have quite the same clout to it. Still lovely to play though...
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 12:30, Reply)

I think
the fundamental divide here Monty is that you need some level of 'cool' in a standardly defined sense from your rock icons, whereas I don't as such. And while I'm hardly an authority on Hendrix apart from his music I think he's a bit of a twat (unsure what tense to use there.)
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:44, Reply)

I cannot actually believe I'm reading this.
Hendrix (upon whom I really am something of an authority) had some weaknesses - he found it hard to say no to people and was easily pushed around, but I challenge you to find a single account of a contemporary of his saying anything other than that he was a really, really nice, shy, pleasant man.

He also had more talent in his little toe than pretty much any other musician that I'm aware of. Maybe Miles Davis was as able, but I know nothing of him or his work, I confess.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:47, Reply)

But Monty
it's personal opinion. What I've read (obviously I'm too young to have seen him) and what I've heard simply strikes no chords.
I think that was a bad pun, but anyhow the point stands. My grounds for rejecting Hendrix as a personal icon (though obviously musically brilliant) are personal ones.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:52, Reply)

It's a personal opinion, but it's one
I share with every single person who has ever had anything to say about the man.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:59, Reply)

I'm thinking about it
and I can't recall ever hearing anyone say anything about his personality (other than you of course)

this may shock you Monty, but while I obviously have an appreciation of how awesome he was, aside from a select few, I don't really care to listen to his stuff.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 12:00, Reply)

^
Pretty much this. Sorry Monty but being in complete agreement with everyone else simply isn't cool remember ;)
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 12:02, Reply)

That's a daft remark.
I've based my opinions on years of researching contemporary accounts, you've classed him as a 'twat' based on, it seems, nothing at all.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 12:13, Reply)

I don't
like him enough to do research into him. I don't think anything about him seemed especially likable or decent or warranting further enquiry into someone whose music while as I said brilliant, leaves me emotionally cold and un-connected with it
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 12:16, Reply)

As a guitarist I'm really surprised to hear you say that.
I could watch him perform or listen to his records all day long. To my ears his work creates almost a year 0 for rock, like years BC or AD. The studio innovation and stylistic variety in his output, not to mention the technical ability simply amazes me.

Each to their own, of course. When my father played me Hendrix when I was about 7 or 8 I was floored. No-one since has affected me anywhere near as much.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 12:12, Reply)

it's not that I don't like it, or appreciate how good it is
and there are a number of his songs that I really really love.

I think it is probably the case that I don't know enough of his stuff, and the ones I do know are the obvious ones which get overplayed.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 12:14, Reply)

I regard 'Driving South'
on the BBC sessions LP to be the best guitar playing, by anyone, ever.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 12:16, Reply)

I will check it out then
I assume you've heard the recent album. I've heard a few bits, and have to say that the version of Sunshine of your love is fucking awful.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 12:20, Reply)

I'd like to proffer
'St Pancras' by Quintessence as a strong contender for that title. For all the daft mystic chanting, Alan Mostert did play some superb lead guitar. But that recording of 'Driving South' is excellent - is that BBC session worth having on the whole?
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 12:27, Reply)

brace yourself

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:48, Reply)

I try to be mean to everyone,
but they like me anyway.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:13, Reply)

but they like me anyway.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:14, Reply)

I MADE A JAWS JOKE EARLIER

(PsychoChomp, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:16, Reply)

That was actually rather good

definately the best Jaws joke of the day
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:17, Reply)

It's still not on the popular page
I think it's actually broken, seems shorter than it was before.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:20, Reply)

much shorter
I'd just thought people hadn't been clicking and things had been falling off the bottom because they were old
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:21, Reply)

fucking hell it's only 4 posts now
You lot need to be funnier.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:25, Reply)

you need to pour yourself a tall glass of shut the fuck up

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:30, Reply)

I've clicked this in the hope it'll reach the popular page

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:32, Reply)

I have a feeling the popular page is properly borked
although chompy's jaws joke is at the top, which I hate to say it, is probably where it should be
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:34, Reply)

it's my humble opinion that you are good for the internet

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:14, Reply)

If only to serve as a cautionary tale

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:17, Reply)

You get more than your fair share of popular posts
and you can't argue with popular opinion.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:36, Reply)

yes you are

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:03, Reply)

I didnt' read that.
I'm fucking hammered on vodka. See you tomorrow.
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 10:55, Reply)

Thanks for sharing, night night

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 10:56, Reply)

Way to solve all your problems!
In an hour I was vomited on, bled on and pissed on yesterday. All for minimum wage. I love my job. Got a seat on the tube home though.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 10:57, Reply)

Gawd
You should dawb yourself with fake entrails every day in order to ensure a seat!
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:33, Reply)

Sounds like my undergraduate teaching sessions...

(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:45, Reply)

I few years back
I mixed two sleeping pills with four pint-cans of Stella. Classy, I know. Unfortunately the pills were very effective muscle relaxants too and I thoroughly pissed myself in my mate's van.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 10:55, Reply)

I never have, but know plenty who aren't so lucky.
My favourite tale concerns Rob Way, who passed out hammered in my friend's bedroom which was full of people having a good old session. He suddenly stood up shakily and pulled open a chest of drawers, and began undoing his flies.

'Rob! ROB! What the fuck are you doing?'

'It's alright' he said conspiratorially, 'everyone's doing it'.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 10:56, Reply)

that made me choke on my tea

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 10:59, Reply)

The whole place was helpless with laughter.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:00, Reply)

*shoehorns*
www.b3ta.com/questions/prejudice/post684581

I love the reply
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:05, Reply)

I wouldn't mind knowing how many clicks that's got

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:05, Reply)

He can be a fucking helmet, that boy,
but that is a CLASS reply.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:09, Reply)

Top hole, sir. Top hole!

(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:46, Reply)

I've only thrown up from drinking too much a handful of times
and all but one were in the safe confines of the bathroom, neatly into the toilet like the ladylike creature I am.

The unfortunate other time was when I was 16 and I'd gone out drinking for the first time and discovered that Smirnoff Ice tastes just like lemonade. I obviously had no concept of my tolerance and vommed up my friend's dining room wall. Her boyfriend at the time thought a lot of himself and said he would help clean it up, but didn't want to get vomit on his shirt, so he took it off, displaying his pride and joy six pack. I vommed on him.

Then I vommed in the sink but the plug was in so one of the other lads had to reach in and unplug it. I wasn't very popular at the time.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:11, Reply)

you're all class

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:12, Reply)

ohhh yeeeeah

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:19, Reply)

Ha ha ha
You are like some kind of vomming garden sprinkler
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:16, Reply)

I really was.
And if memory serves me correctly I'd had tomato-based pasta for tea and was wearing white trousers.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:20, Reply)

I was ran to the loo to be sick and had my hands pressed firmly over my mouth

This unfortunately was not enough to hold in the pressure of my vom, all it did was angle it upwards with such force that I ralphed on the ceiling.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:23, Reply)

scream if you wanna go faster...............
I once had the (dis)pleasure of having a friend lean over and throw up on me an entire afternoons worth of junk food when we were teenagers. This was bad enough but we were on the waltzers at the time and the centrifugal forces pushed the vom out in swirly patterns. I did well to keep my lunch down. I doubt I would manage it these days.
I had to walk through the theme park whilst parents herded their children away from the scary walking mound of sick.
(Topov, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:20, Reply)

One of my older brothers used to chunder regularly after a night of Stella and kebabs
One day I got up extra early to do my paper round, jumped off the top bunk and went skidding along the lino where the trail of puke had been deposited. I shot out a hand to grab the door handle to stop myself going through the window, and found that it too, was covered in cold vomit.

He really was, and still is, a disgusting cunt.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:18, Reply)

Lino?

Did you grow up in a Youth Hostel?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:19, Reply)

No, but there were four of us in one bedroom.
So it did feel very like a dorm.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:24, Reply)

When I was little
I had a nightmare and peed on my cousin who was staying over.
She woke up thinking she was sweating.
I had to inform her that she was not.
I was three.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:27, Reply)

I now have the wonderful image of a three-year old girl telling her cousin,
"I regret to inform you that the substance you have mistaken for perspiration is in fact my own micturate."
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:48, Reply)

My little sister once farted at the Christmas dinner table
in front of my grandmother. We're quite a formal family so this was a real gaffe. Unfortunately for her she found this so funny she promtly pissed herself, and scuttled off, returning to the table a few minutes later in a different pair of trousers. It was brilliant.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:33, Reply)

your grandmother
or your sister?
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:39, Reply)

sister
she was indeed actually about 20
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 12:17, Reply)

How old was she?
22
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:40, Reply)

I imagine that would be stretching some biological limitations
to become a grandma at 22...
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:50, Reply)

With Monty's inbreeding anything is possible

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:53, Reply)

I got
Salmonella once from eating a dodgy reheated burger at a fuckawful pub on the Isle of Man. My father, being the alcoholic knobhead he was, refused to take me to the hospital as it would cut in to his drinking time, even though his daughter had turned in to some sort of hideous cannon-from-both-ends special effects machine. He only relented when I started shitting blood and was so dehydrated and manky I couldn't move. And even then he bunged me in a taxi and stayed in the pub.
It was quite possibly the least fun I've ever had in my life.
(berk, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 12:36, Reply)