My boss has just used the phrase 'touch base' in a phone conversation about 'finding a way forward'.
If I throttle him with the telephone wire, will I go to prison?
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 23 Apr 2010, 12:18, 44 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Nope, you'll have
an alibi, from me.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 12:19, Reply)

*looks in other direction, whistling*
Didn't see anything officer.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 12:19, Reply)

Just explain to the police
that a "solution" occurred when you "creatively adjusted" the path of his "original lung ventilation solution" with the "electronic long-distance communication mediator."
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 12:20, Reply)

ha

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 12:25, Reply)

Was it an offer or suggestion?
Either way scream sexual harassment.
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Fri 23 Apr 2010, 12:21, Reply)

Yes, yes you will
That's why you need to vote for the National Socialists this May the 6th
( djtrialprice, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 12:25, Reply)

in American speak
justifiable homicide
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 12:25, Reply)

sounds like someone has a case of the mondays
on friday! :D
maybe throttle him withthe cord, then jam the receiver up his arse, dial a sex line, and say you found him like that.
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 12:29, Reply)

psh
I go to the trouble of finding the picture that you asked for just so you'll like me and you saunter into the next room to hang out with the cooler people.

IT'S HIGH SCHOOL ALL OVER AGAIN!
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 12:30, Reply)

well, if you will try so hard
rejection will be so much harder to take.
:D
i replied, akshewally. so shup!
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 12:33, Reply)

I'm just so desperate for acceptance.
I like your suggestion, if it comes back from this rave in one piece I'll see what added chompers look like.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 12:38, Reply)

What you need to do, right, is push the envelope.
RIGHT DOWN HIS STUPID GULLET. And, when he chokes, say "What's that? I can't hear you over all the BOLLOCKS."
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 12:34, Reply)

I actually like my boss
but the whole corporate bullshit speak really gets on my pip. From anyone.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 23 Apr 2010, 12:37, Reply)

the problem is it's slowly creeping in
because people who wouldn't ordinarily use it hear it so often they start responding with the same. I said "so we're all on the same page" the other day and then inwardly slapped myself.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 12:40, Reply)

I pride myself on having never used any corporate bullshit speak since I started here.
I would willingly rip off my own testicles if I ever succumbed to such nonsense.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 23 Apr 2010, 12:43, Reply)

Ditto
However. I get the feeling that I'm treated with suspicion when I avoid using such terms in favour of proper sentences.

"Ach, I'll speak to XXX and see what the deal is. In the future I'll make sure we do that from the start."

"I will ping XXX an email and then touch base. Going forward this is a procedure that must be actioned prior to any decision."
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 12:58, Reply)

There's a thesis in here somewhere.
Do the (aspiring) managing classes invent their own cockney? Is it to reasure themselves they have the biggest tribe? Is it to identify outsiders?

*Ponders*
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Fri 23 Apr 2010, 13:18, Reply)

I said that the other day!
I was talking about a script, though. And we all had a copy. And we were confused about where we were in the play.

I don't know if this excuses me.
(ThomsonsPier consumes, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 12:47, Reply)

haha literal jargon is ok
like if choir boys discuss whether or not they're all reading the same piece of music. Or if you work at a carnival on the duck range and you've had trouble with misaligned targets.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 12:49, Reply)

Oh God, yeah.
"We need to get our ducks lined up" is another one. Fuck's sake.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 23 Apr 2010, 12:50, Reply)

Is that really one?
Oh dear sweet lord Ronnie Corbett.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 12:55, Reply)

Yep.
Otherwise known as getting our story straight and singing from the same hymn sheet.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 23 Apr 2010, 12:56, Reply)

So at the St George's Day parade, when I run the Flag up the pole it's OK to see who salutes?

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Fri 23 Apr 2010, 13:02, Reply)

The other problem is that stupid people use it in order to try and sound intelligent

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 12:48, Reply)

I hate when people use 'yourself' and 'myself'
when talking on the phone, you and me is fine!!

And when people say "he and I" when it should be "me and him"; that's always thick people trying to sound intelligent, I get it all the time with clients.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 12:50, Reply)

But long words are more cleverer!
Someone once tried to sell me a suit whilst constantly referring to me as "yourself" and playfully slapping my arm. He's dead now. I still have the suit.
(ThomsonsPier consumes, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 12:57, Reply)

I think we need to sit down on this.

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Fri 23 Apr 2010, 13:05, Reply)

I don't think
you're really thinking outside the box on this issue, you need to push the envelope when it comes to proposing a creative solution for the termination of your bosses contract with life
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 12:41, Reply)

haha
lolz for 'termination of your contract with life'
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 12:49, Reply)

Ooh, "on the same page" has now just been used, too.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 23 Apr 2010, 12:54, Reply)

Where?

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Fri 23 Apr 2010, 13:03, Reply)

Just next to me.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 23 Apr 2010, 13:08, Reply)

Which page are you on?

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Fri 23 Apr 2010, 13:10, Reply)

evidently the wrong one
misaligned ducks, that's the problem.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 13:11, Reply)

The ducks on my page are going forward - howabout yours?

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Fri 23 Apr 2010, 13:14, Reply)

mine are too busy touching base
they never get anything done
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 13:15, Reply)

Mine are touching cloth

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 13:16, Reply)

ewww
and from a lady no less!
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 13:17, Reply)

No worse than we should expect .
And that's no lady.
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Fri 23 Apr 2010, 13:19, Reply)

Oi!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 13:29, Reply)

all this talk of ducks reminds me of this:

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 13:17, Reply)

I've just had an email wherein which - "pin that on the donkey".
But I can't remember if that isn't just an old expression, or some arse being smart.
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Fri 23 Apr 2010, 13:13, Reply)

is that a new version of
put that in your pipe and smoke it?
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 13:15, Reply)

"did not pin the tail on this particular donkey simply because ..."
Not really, it was saying the attempt didn't fully succeed.
So that's an old cliche, I think.

I now realise my first post misquoted - should have checked - it's much clearer seeing the actual usage.
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Fri 23 Apr 2010, 13:22, Reply)