Hey there Blue Square Fatties Conference.
Internet P.R. man JMG here with yet more gold.

Now, before one of you explodes in some kind of cyber rage or HAS to reply telling me nobody replies to me on here any more, let us go over the rules as per the handling of your new Overlord and hero Donkey Gums.

I have recently been made aware that 9/10 people who claim to be women on /offtopic fancy Donkey Gums.
Now, as a man used to the hassles of such a title.. I feel I must now reach out to the ugly males on here who'll get themselves VERY upset at DG over this.
I say, lighten up. Chins up, tits pressed in and move on.
There's no need to get too serious on the internet. Especially not at Donkey Gums. Who's very popular and important.

Another tip from B3ta's own Hero, JMG.
Carry on lying.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 30 Apr 2010, 15:31, 49 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Replyin' to JMG here.
If this doesn't get BGB posting here, he's probably gone to the pie ship and as such, is offline.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 30 Apr 2010, 15:46, Reply)

BGB is a woman.
Unless that was a deliberate mistake, in which case. AHAHAHAHAHA. That was me laughing online there.

Any good fails recently?
(Bazongaloid, Fri 30 Apr 2010, 15:47, Reply)

Just spotted this, which is not a lead story, but now I mark up individual posts is going in.
b3ta.com/questions/nemesis/post712102
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 30 Apr 2010, 15:48, Reply)

Oh, and this.
b3ta.com/questions/cars/post710405
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 30 Apr 2010, 15:51, Reply)

I'm annoyed that she is also called thebaroness
I keep getting her confused with /talks The Baroness.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 30 Apr 2010, 15:53, Reply)

Still a woman Chompy, you could be in there.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 30 Apr 2010, 15:57, Reply)

She doesn't mention her boobs enough online.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 30 Apr 2010, 15:58, Reply)

You should gaz her.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 30 Apr 2010, 15:59, Reply)

Stop trying to pimp me out.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 30 Apr 2010, 16:01, Reply)

When have I tried before?

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 30 Apr 2010, 16:04, Reply)

I couldn't narrow it down,
you talk about me A LOT
(PsychoChomp, Fri 30 Apr 2010, 16:10, Reply)

I think she fancies you dude

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Fri 30 Apr 2010, 16:11, Reply)

It's pretty obvious to be honest.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 30 Apr 2010, 16:12, Reply)

totally
I bet she just had to pat the sweat of her lips with a hanky. fanny lips.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Fri 30 Apr 2010, 16:13, Reply)

She's thinking of something horrible to say about me now,
to hide her feelings. She's probably quite flustered.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 30 Apr 2010, 16:15, Reply)

Oh shit,
You've found me out, this is so embarrassing. What am I going to do now my internet crush has been made public?
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 30 Apr 2010, 16:17, Reply)

we're only joking with you.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 30 Apr 2010, 16:18, Reply)

Too late now.
Everyone knows.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 30 Apr 2010, 16:19, Reply)

I suppose we should start dating now?
I'll take you to /links to watch a film.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 30 Apr 2010, 16:21, Reply)

No thanks,
It's no fun now you know. I've already moved on.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 30 Apr 2010, 16:22, Reply)

That's my job in relationships

(PsychoChomp, Fri 30 Apr 2010, 16:25, Reply)

Too late, I've beaten you to it.
I win!
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 30 Apr 2010, 16:26, Reply)

Congratulations?

(PsychoChomp, Fri 30 Apr 2010, 16:29, Reply)

I graciously accept your congratulations.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 30 Apr 2010, 16:31, Reply)

Aw man, I actually feel sorry for her
she's probably having a PC frustration dibble, rolling around on her floor banging into the coffee table, one finger burning her bean whilst her other thumb is plunged into her pobber.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Fri 30 Apr 2010, 16:17, Reply)

I'll have to save it for when I get home.
I'm in my uni building at the moment, so I'll have to control myself. It might be difficult.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 30 Apr 2010, 16:19, Reply)

BE TRUE TO YOURSELF.
DEEP BREATHING AND LOOK AT THE WINDOW AT ROADWORKS AND DON'T PUT YOUR HANDS IN YOUR BRA.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Fri 30 Apr 2010, 16:28, Reply)

It's ok, the moment has gone.
I'm over it now, moved on.

Now you've said that though, the temptation to do just that is overwhelming.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 30 Apr 2010, 16:33, Reply)

Do not.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 30 Apr 2010, 16:15, Reply)

Proof:
b3ta.com/search/posts/64382?q=Psychochomp
b3ta.com/search/posts/64382?q=chompy
b3ta.com/search/posts/64382?q=psycho
I'm off home now, have a good weekend.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 30 Apr 2010, 16:43, Reply)

In all fairness.
It's probably a bloke.
Or a housewhale.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 30 Apr 2010, 16:01, Reply)

So what he's basically saying
Is I'm a filthy, diseased cunt, then.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 30 Apr 2010, 15:51, Reply)

haaaaaaaaaaaaaa

(PsychoChomp, Fri 30 Apr 2010, 15:51, Reply)

That's a fantastic one
admitting to having a serious STI as a way of bigging yourself up is quite impressive.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 30 Apr 2010, 15:55, Reply)

Just read that one.
I've given up replying to some QOTW posts, but I kinda had to on that one. If it's true the guy is a massive twat, and if it's a lie, it's not one that realy casts him in a good light.
(Fredz A graveyard of hopes, a dump of ambition, Fri 30 Apr 2010, 15:58, Reply)

In fairness, by the grammar, in fact by the actual story it does appear to be written by a genuine retard

( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Fri 30 Apr 2010, 16:25, Reply)

I think donkey gums is a bit of twat to be honest.

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Fri 30 Apr 2010, 15:56, Reply)

He's a terrible penis

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 30 Apr 2010, 15:58, Reply)

No, that's me

(Bazongaloid, Fri 30 Apr 2010, 16:01, Reply)

No, you LIKE penis.
There's a difference.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 30 Apr 2010, 16:03, Reply)

True, his dinkle never leaves a tip even though he's received good service at a restaurant

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Fri 30 Apr 2010, 16:04, Reply)

OHHHHHH DG!
Always the popular goose.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 30 Apr 2010, 15:59, Reply)

HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Fri 30 Apr 2010, 16:06, Reply)

honk

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Fri 30 Apr 2010, 16:06, Reply)

HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Fri 30 Apr 2010, 16:06, Reply)

Do you lay golden eggs?

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 30 Apr 2010, 16:07, Reply)

yup :D
....no wait. they're Kinder Eggs. The toy in the middle is a fist inside a fist inside a fist.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Fri 30 Apr 2010, 16:09, Reply)

So you're saying
fists come out of your arse* covered in "chocolate"?

*I'm aware eggs don't come out of arses
(PsychoChomp, Fri 30 Apr 2010, 16:11, Reply)

yes*
*not really. it's usually feet and chins
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Fri 30 Apr 2010, 16:15, Reply)