Bass guitarist
In a band and everything. I like to wax creative and write bad blues songs, and then make the band play them. Haven't managed to finish a song for a little while now though - annoyingly I had a good tune floating around my head on the way into work this morning but the slippery little bugger's disappeared now.

Alt Q: I wish I could sing properly.
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 7 May 2010, 16:07, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

Sing your 'bumder rant'....

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 7 May 2010, 16:08, Reply)

YES!

( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Fri 7 May 2010, 16:09, Reply)

That's supposed to be read in a Hatty Hayridge-esque monotone
It's an emergency announcement rather than a rant.

But since you asked...any preference on key?
"BUMDER ALERT,
BUMDER ALERT,
ALL BE FOREWARNED THERE'S A BUMDER IN HERE.
EMERGENCY,
EMERGENCY,
DROP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND COVER YOUR REAR...."
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 7 May 2010, 16:12, Reply)

I imagine a droney Sabbathesque bassline behind you...

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 7 May 2010, 16:15, Reply)

Ah, ok
I was envisioning myself crooning it to a tune not disimilar to "Edelweiss"...
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 7 May 2010, 16:16, Reply)

OK start again....
One two three four....
Edit - or you could do it with a megaphone like Mark E Smith and The Fall.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 7 May 2010, 16:18, Reply)

Would it work to the tune of "Iron Man"?
"BUMDER HAS BEEN SEEN,
YOUR ARSE CHEEKS HE'LL GET BETWEEN.
WARNING CALL TO ALL,
PRESS YOUR BACKS AGAINST THE WALL!

NOW THE TIME IS NEAR,
FOR THE BUMDER TO SPREAD FEAR,
VENGEANCE HE SHALL WREAK,
MERCILESSLY 'PON YOUR SEAT!"
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 7 May 2010, 16:21, Reply)

Fantastic.
That song has totally changed for me.
"I....am.....bumder....man Der..ner.der...ner.der....ner...ner...ner...neeer"
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 7 May 2010, 16:33, Reply)

You're wanted further up the thread, Crow old bean.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 7 May 2010, 16:39, Reply)

Thank you for your vigilance
*puts new batteries in megaphone*
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 7 May 2010, 16:44, Reply)

The Bumder alert
is fast becoming my favourite thing on the internet ever.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 7 May 2010, 16:21, Reply)

It's very fulfilling to know I'm good for something
*is fulfilled*
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 7 May 2010, 16:26, Reply)

You know how some things just hit a nerve and leave you quivering in helpless, silent mirth?
Well, that's me after every bumder alert.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 7 May 2010, 16:28, Reply)

Davros, dear boy, if it weren't for such important public service alerts,
I fear you'd soon find something far more sinister "hitting a nerve" and leaving you quivering in helpless, silent shame...
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 7 May 2010, 16:30, Reply)

This is very true.
If it wasn't for the fact that it actually serves a very important purpose, I'd seriously consider having my arsehole permanently sealed.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 7 May 2010, 16:32, Reply)

sealed fisted.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 7 May 2010, 16:34, Reply)