That is fucking brilliant!
You probably get raped all the time though. Last time I was raped was at T in the Park when the crowds are really heaving and the front 50 rows are jumping around and you get knocked about and peoples hands get in places they shouldnt really be, and I'm only wearing a thin pair of 3 quarter lengths so my balls practically end up in soem strangers mouth...

I didn't falsely accuse anyone but I was thinking it..
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Fri 14 May 2010, 10:31, 2 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

You deserve everything you got for wearing 3/4 length trousers
Please tell me they weren't "sports wear"
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 14 May 2010, 10:35, Reply)

They were fairly sporty
but damnit they are comfy. And it was the height of summer and I feel my legs are too crow-like for full blown shorts.
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Fri 14 May 2010, 10:36, Reply)

Also:
"You deserve everything you get for going to T in the Park"

EDIT: Oh, the lineup's quite good this year, isn't it? I'm sure that used to be a tacky pop "festival".
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 14 May 2010, 10:37, Reply)

Pfft
I've seen some great bands there - Blur, Super Furry Animals, Idlewild, Foo Fighters, James Brown, New Order, Manics, The Specials and loads more

*edit*
The different stages have different acts - and there are lots. Pretty much don't go near the NME stage or the dance kind of tents. Both attract different types of arseholes.
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Fri 14 May 2010, 10:39, Reply)

Name some of the great bands then.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 May 2010, 10:40, Reply)

I really fucking hate the Manic Street Preachers
almost as much as I hate U2
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 14 May 2010, 10:42, Reply)

I've hung out with James Bradfield a few times - once we went to a jungle nightclub with him. He's a fucking great bloke (midget though)but his records are terrible, aren't they?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 May 2010, 10:44, Reply)

You disgust me
I thought Generation Terrorist and the Holy Bible would be right up your street. I admit post-Richie they turned into power-pop-ballad monsters but still I don't mind it.
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Fri 14 May 2010, 10:45, Reply)

I can't bear the whiny sound of his voice
and the awful fucking whiny lyrics

the first couple of albums are bearable, but a lot of the stuff is fucking crap

the more I think about it, the more comes back to me about how much I loathe their music. If you tolerate this then your children will be next, design for life and motorcycle emptiness being the 3 that sprang to mind. All fucking dire.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 14 May 2010, 10:46, Reply)

Right on with the first 2
but how dare you criticise Motorcycle Emptiness?
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Fri 14 May 2010, 10:49, Reply)

it's his voice mainly
it's like fingernails down a blackboard to me
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 14 May 2010, 10:50, Reply)

You know how with some bands there's rather more to them than initially meets the eye (or ear)?
Well, The Manic Street Preachers are the antithesis of this. There really is nothing there. And titles like Interiors (Song For Willem DeKooning)simply say "Look at me, I know about art an that" when the song itself has nothing to say.


Also No 1 in an occasional series of "Cover Versions You'd Love To See"

Dubstar's I'm Not So Manic Now - Richey Edwards.
(Cave Duck, Fri 14 May 2010, 11:09, Reply)

Are you this boring in real life?
I know that a different side of peoples personality often comes out in forums like this, but it's usually more extroverted than their real life persona.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 14 May 2010, 11:12, Reply)

Be one with your inner cunt.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 14 May 2010, 11:14, Reply)

God knows I'm trying Noel, I'm really trying.

(Bazongaloid, Fri 14 May 2010, 11:18, Reply)

you are trying

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 14 May 2010, 11:19, Reply)

Thank you folks, I'll be here all week
try the veal, it's fantastic.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 14 May 2010, 11:20, Reply)

Yes, yes I am. Which makes it all the more puzzling why, every time I post you're right there behind me.
Go and find someone interesting to follow, you spawned fron spacker spunk stalker.
(Cave Duck, Fri 14 May 2010, 11:19, Reply)

that's at least two people claiming that Al follows them round the internet

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 14 May 2010, 11:20, Reply)

Is the other one JMG?

(Bazongaloid, Fri 14 May 2010, 11:20, Reply)

Yeah.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 14 May 2010, 11:22, Reply)

This is curious though isn't it
I'm here a lot, as you all know, and I reply to a lot of peoples posts, but they never accuse me of following them around the board. But because I'm pointing out what an incredibly boring person he appears to be, that makes me a stalker.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 14 May 2010, 11:25, Reply)

unless he is saying you are actually behind him
in which case he should probably be worried that someone impersonating you is in his house or office.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 14 May 2010, 11:33, Reply)

house or office shrine to Ian Dury
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 14 May 2010, 11:34, Reply)

Heh. If only Barry had thought of that. He could've been spared a lot of hassle.
Of course I didn't kill Dando. I stalk loads of women and they're not dead"

It just seems odd that you would bother to reply to someone you find so dull, using the same joke each time.
(Cave Duck, Fri 14 May 2010, 11:39, Reply)

But... but... That's what he *does*.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 14 May 2010, 11:42, Reply)

Oh you totally got in there before me.
You cock guzzler.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 14 May 2010, 11:43, Reply)

Stop following me bitch.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 14 May 2010, 11:44, Reply)

I'm outside your house
screaming the lords prayer while crying and touching my red raw penis.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 14 May 2010, 11:49, Reply)

Do you actually read the posts here?
This entire board is about using the same old jokes, that and ranting about people you hate, the occasional political debate and saying how much we like Tayyabs.

The other big thing done on these boards is insulting people, either for things they clearly haven't done, like being a smug cunt a la Vipros, or in your case, for being almost offensively dull. Most people take this in good humour, even the really horrifically offensive stuff, since this is a comedy website, where people generally want to read funny things, but you don't seem to get this.

And quite honestly, knowing that it winds you up is the reason I keep pointing out that you are actually less interesting than piston broke, because at least he goes along with it.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 14 May 2010, 11:43, Reply)

I agree with this
although I am actually a smug cunt
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 14 May 2010, 11:44, Reply)

We should force newbies to memorise this post.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 14 May 2010, 11:46, Reply)

QOTW OT FAQ al la AL

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 14 May 2010, 11:50, Reply)

Who'd have ever, ever thought it?

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 14 May 2010, 11:54, Reply)

But you're the one getting wound up. Anytime I respond to your joke, you then go into serious mode, as seen above..
Also you're mixing up "not getting" with "finding a bit dull".
(Cave Duck, Fri 14 May 2010, 11:53, Reply)

I'm not sure I've ever seen him wound-up
but I know I don't want to.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 14 May 2010, 11:55, Reply)

^this

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 14 May 2010, 11:56, Reply)

I got upset when Wormulus got a new account and did a massive trolling run
It was not my finest hour and since then I've made a point of not taking the internet too seriously. Except when discussing the Tories.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 14 May 2010, 11:58, Reply)

was that the lord scrope one?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 14 May 2010, 12:02, Reply)

Yeah
with the picture of you choking on the cock of ignorance
(Bazongaloid, Fri 14 May 2010, 12:04, Reply)

ah yes
delightful

I'm not sure I'd ever seen the source photo before. mildly freaked me out.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 14 May 2010, 12:05, Reply)

Your responses are always along the lines of
same old boring reply etc.

Now if that's your idea of a witty comeback, or playing along with the joke, then you're simply proving my point about how dull you are.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 14 May 2010, 11:59, Reply)

So you making the same joke constantly is an ace laugh. Me responing to the same joke with the same sort of line each time is dull.
I just find you boring. Sorry.
(Cave Duck, Fri 14 May 2010, 12:09, Reply)

stop reacting in the same way
and more than likely he'll stop making the same joke.

either that or ignore the joke and carry on a conversation.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 14 May 2010, 12:14, Reply)

He can't let it go now
he's too enraged, crouched over his keyboard, fists shaking in impotent anger. Any minute now he'll go and beat up a woman to prove he's still got what it takes.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 14 May 2010, 12:21, Reply)

How dare you? Beating up women is for boorish thugs.
I'm more "cut off the corneas with a craft knife" I take pride in my work.
(Cave Duck, Fri 14 May 2010, 12:35, Reply)

Fron?

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 14 May 2010, 11:23, Reply)

That's just blatant fat fingeredism. Hang your head in shame.

(Cave Duck, Fri 14 May 2010, 11:44, Reply)

I feel the bands that you class as great
are either deceased or if they're still on the go still peddling their greatest hits from the 70's
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Fri 14 May 2010, 10:43, Reply)

*edit*
THE POGUES how could I forget the pogues..
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Fri 14 May 2010, 10:43, Reply)

Your point flounders somewhat
when you've just listed James Brown and The Specials - playing their hot new tunes, were they?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 May 2010, 10:45, Reply)

Haha
thank you for pointing out my contradiction, same goes for The Pogues.

OK who I listed are hardly legends of Rock and Roll but for a £200 weekend plus some excellent drink sessions and substance taking my point about TITP being acceptable stands!
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Fri 14 May 2010, 10:48, Reply)

So many bands and so little piss in my bladder

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 14 May 2010, 10:41, Reply)

Are you ridiculously tall?
How the fuck did your balls end up in someone's mouth in a mosh pit?
(Bazongaloid, Fri 14 May 2010, 10:36, Reply)

Maybe he's a dickhead?
Badum-tish!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 14 May 2010, 10:37, Reply)

They were a midget (*prays this is true*)

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 May 2010, 10:37, Reply)

Well I am 6 foot 4
but I admit your honour that I "embellished"
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Fri 14 May 2010, 10:37, Reply)

I believe his balls are disasterously dangally
As if his scrotum were made of silly putty
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 14 May 2010, 10:38, Reply)

My testicles
are like 2 snooker balls in a football sock.
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Fri 14 May 2010, 10:40, Reply)