I pretend to be dead 'ard

I'm actually frightened of my own shadow.
But only in certain scenarios. I'll happily wander my neighbourhood in the wee small hours, but ask me to walk through a suburban estate, or a park that's not in the dead centre of town, and I'll tell you to sod off.
Things lurk in those places. Things like teenagers (shock horror) and naughty bad dogs.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 2 Jun 2010, 9:39, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Your fear is justified
You live in Liverpool.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 2 Jun 2010, 9:41, Reply)

lived here 32 years
Not a sausage.
Apart from one smackhead who could have mugged me but failed to see my rucksack and believed me when I said I had nothing of value in my pockets
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 2 Jun 2010, 9:48, Reply)

I walked by a group of scal kids in Kenny
And the youngest (about 10?) punched me. Then the others circled around me briefly, before I barged through and away. Little shits.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 2 Jun 2010, 9:50, Reply)

Why do you people come here and venture into places like Kenny???
We don't walk through Kenny and we're from here.
You deserved that kidpunch.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 2 Jun 2010, 9:53, Reply)

I lived in Kenny in my last year
The bit close to the Hospital that was being renovated. Wouldn't have gone into any of the pubs there though.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 2 Jun 2010, 9:54, Reply)

Yeah, save a few bob on rent but put your life in danger every night.
You're just like my mate Rob.
If you come back here I'm going to beat you up.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 2 Jun 2010, 9:57, Reply)

No you won't
And I was living in a nice house with friends, and only had that one scuffle with the local ruffians.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 2 Jun 2010, 9:59, Reply)

I will
Wouldn't catch me up there.
I think it's unethical to advertise student housing there.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 2 Jun 2010, 10:00, Reply)

I think they were trying to turn the town end of Kenny into a new Smithdown Road
And no you won't beat me up.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 2 Jun 2010, 10:05, Reply)

Smiffdown can be dodge at times
But at least it's saturated with students.

I will, kick-pow!
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 2 Jun 2010, 10:08, Reply)

I loved Smithdown
I lived there just when the 24hr Asda opened up. It was also the first house I had broadband in. Ahh...2002-03, a good year!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 2 Jun 2010, 10:11, Reply)

my mate lives right by that Asda.

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 2 Jun 2010, 10:12, Reply)

I've never lived anywhere really rough
although I was discouraged from taking late night strolls after the police stopped me when I was on my way to the garage at midnight to get milk and asked me if I was a hooker.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 2 Jun 2010, 10:13, Reply)

Hahahahah
You prozzy
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 2 Jun 2010, 10:13, Reply)

I wasn't even dressed suggestively
I was wearing some cotton pants and a vest top with my trainers and very little makeup. If that's what whores look like these days it's a sad day for johns.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 2 Jun 2010, 10:16, Reply)

Johnslols

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 2 Jun 2010, 10:20, Reply)

"pants" 'round here means "knickers", not trousers
Maybe that's why they stopped you?
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 2 Jun 2010, 10:21, Reply)

sorry.
I used to say trousers but the northerners started saying pants and called me posh for using two syllables where one sufficed. I'm just trying to learn their language and fit in!
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 2 Jun 2010, 10:22, Reply)

s'alright
I'm a Midlander, I say trousers, but I also chop and change between 'bath' and 'barth'.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 2 Jun 2010, 10:27, Reply)

I say barth
and I've noticed that Wiggy, despite being a born and bred northerner, has started adopting my accent, which amuses me.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 2 Jun 2010, 10:29, Reply)

As did I... as did I
Oh, and you'll try to bring the kick-pow, but I'll defeat you.
I defeated Catface, who was intent on lifting my kilt, despite Mel holding both my arms behind my back. Clendrix then told Catface off.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 2 Jun 2010, 10:14, Reply)

The Four horsemen wouldn't stop me from lifting my fella's kilt
I tell thee.
EDIT: Not that I'm implying Catface is your fella.
Last time I accused a kilt-wearer of homosexuality, he proposed to me.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 2 Jun 2010, 10:16, Reply)

All well and good in the comfort of your own home, but:
a) I am not Catface's fella
b) We were in a packed pub in Edinburgh

Edit: DJTP has a kilt? Maybe there should be another bash where kilts are worn, I rather liked wearing mine.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 2 Jun 2010, 10:20, Reply)

Haha see above, bruv.

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 2 Jun 2010, 10:21, Reply)

is it because you called them local ruffians?

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 2 Jun 2010, 10:10, Reply)

no he called them illiterate chavs
they forced him to adopt a better-sounding name
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 2 Jun 2010, 10:12, Reply)

I called them Fatherless Cunts
After one punched me.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 2 Jun 2010, 10:13, Reply)

Do you really mean
you just screamed 'Jesus'?
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 2 Jun 2010, 10:14, Reply)

I like it!
Pretty sure I just swore at the feckers though.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 2 Jun 2010, 10:14, Reply)

I'd like to think that if a child punched me
I would be able to withstand it unflinchingly, but in reality I'd still probably shut my eyes and flail my arms around like someone surrounded by moths.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 2 Jun 2010, 10:24, Reply)

I wouldn't be proud of myself
but I'd probably push them off a bit harder than necessary
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 2 Jun 2010, 10:27, Reply)

Me too
I'd love an excuse to hurt a small chav. At least give it a grazed knee or something.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 2 Jun 2010, 10:33, Reply)

Hahaha!
I was surprised, unhurt, but also knew I couldn't hit the little shit back.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 2 Jun 2010, 10:28, Reply)

'Jesus'
+the lords prayer, whipped it out, and had a wank while crying?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 2 Jun 2010, 10:17, Reply)

People think I'm hard but nothing could be further from the truth.

( girlinthehole, Wed 2 Jun 2010, 9:52, Reply)

How are you with parks and suburbs?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 2 Jun 2010, 9:54, Reply)

Ok I guess.
I don't like ginnels.
( girlinthehole, Wed 2 Jun 2010, 9:58, Reply)

Me neither
We call them back entries.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 2 Jun 2010, 10:00, Reply)