NEIN.
I am most terribly sorry if you think that I am - you are completely mistaken. I'm a little busy reading, then re-reading, then pissing my pants laughing at Bert's dating profile these days - I hope you understand...
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 16:00, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

bert's dating profile?
do i need to see this??
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 16:02, Reply)

Yes, yes you really do
Ask Monty for the link.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 16:06, Reply)

No need.
And I've saved it all in case he deletes it, too.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 16:07, Reply)

how did this become public knowledge?
i am intrigued by the machiavellian tendencies on here!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 16:15, Reply)

I know someone in central governement
he let me borrow his master password to the internet on the promise that I wouldn't use it to steal anyone's money or look at any porn for free.

Of course I was lying and I stole twenty pounds from Montys mum to make up for how disappointing she was.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 16:17, Reply)

like you don't star in half the porn out there
i know your type
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 16:18, Reply)

I only star in the ones they didn't want you for

(Bazongaloid, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 16:21, Reply)

we should make one together
i am thinking along the lines of "beauty and the beast" - "slightly raddled old northerner and slavering sexhound"? you can guess which is which.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 16:23, Reply)

I'll do the soundtrack
I'm thinking some kind of funk remix of the music from the Hovis advert
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 16:24, Reply)

I'll wear a flat cap
and she can wear a whippets dog collar.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 16:27, Reply)

it is your turn to wear the collar
my turn to wear the flat cap. my dad actually has about 7, i can steal one.

eeeeow now i am thinking about my dad AND a porn film in the same thoughtbreath. damn you al and vipros, see what you have done to me.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 16:33, Reply)

You'll be the sweaty girl meat filling
between your father and my quivering white buttocks as we both grunt and rut furiously.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 16:35, Reply)

at last
a fantasy i can flick the bean to whilst watching the football
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 16:36, Reply)

that's the dream

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 16:37, Reply)

Oh Em Gee
I'm so hot right now at the thought of double tagging Rachelswipe with her father while we all watch the football together.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 16:39, Reply)

I don't think you could call yourself a man if you weren't

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 16:40, Reply)

it is only for the truly red blooded
admittedly
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 16:41, Reply)

So seriously
when are you, me and your old man gonna meet up for a drink in a nice london hotel then? I've only got two and half weeks until I'm married so time really is becoming of the essence here.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 16:42, Reply)

why stop at my old man?
when we could have one each?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 16:44, Reply)

You mean bring Vipros along too?
That might get a bit weird for my liking.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 16:49, Reply)

yeah but vipros would love it!
be kind to the animals.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 16:52, Reply)

hey!
what are you trying to say?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 16:53, Reply)

that you're a tiger, baby
grrrrrr. rawr.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 16:58, Reply)

more of a lion
I'm sporting quite a mane at the moment

by which I mean I need to get a haircut because I look ridiculous
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 16:59, Reply)

i can't read this now it is too spread out
let's move the breast and beard banter to the other thread on bert's post!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 17:03, Reply)

alright

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 17:04, Reply)

monty was looking for men/things to date
he stumbled across bert's deviant profile and was overcome by lust.

he practically soiled his tweed y-fronts he was so excited
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 16:18, Reply)

there is a curious logic to this, my fine bearded buddy
whether it was monty or anyone else!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 16:19, Reply)

why thank you
it is nothing but the truth however
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 16:21, Reply)