a carrier bag full of shit and broken glass

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 11:15, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

When my little girl turned 2
I got her a little kitchen set, a trike and lots of little presents, but I like to spoil my daughter in the hope that it will make her a better person than I am.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 11:18, Reply)

Yeah spoilt kids always turn out awesome.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 11:20, Reply)

and you just know that she's going to be grateful, right?

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 11:23, Reply)

a better person than I am love me
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 11:20, Reply)

somebody has to

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 11:24, Reply)

They don't HAVE to,
But it would be nice, wouldn't it?
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Mon 12 Jul 2010, 11:31, Reply)

My daughter properly loves me
I'm like totally the best dad in the world and shit
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 11:33, Reply)

has she got you a mug to that effect?

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 11:39, Reply)

I've got THREE 'Best Dad in the World' mugs
one of them even has a baby photo of her on it, plus I have t shirts and pants with the same slogan on them.

When you have a pair of ill-fitting boxer shorts with 'best dad in the world' on them, you know you've made it.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 11:42, Reply)

A carrier bag from which shop?

( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 11:18, Reply)

Tesco's
we don't want her thinking she's special
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 11:19, Reply)

Tescos??!! *vomits into hat*
you really are twisted
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 11:21, Reply)

Just 'Tesco' will suffice
We don't need to talk about the non-existent mr Tesco and get me all cross.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 11:23, Reply)

I like to imagine Mr Tesco being an 'Uncle Scrooge' type billionaire

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 11:24, Reply)

Sir Terry Leahy is a scouser
How dare you
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 11:28, Reply)

*cackles like Donald Duck*
*sexually abuses Huey, Duey and Louie*

*films and sells under the title 'Fuck Tales'*
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 11:29, Reply)

There is a Mr Tesco
every christmas he finds a hard-up family and gives them half a bag of out-of-date turkey twizzlers.

Gawd bless 'im.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 11:29, Reply)