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(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Good Evening
I'm a relatively new person here.

My wife is at work, and I am at home, about to watch V for Vendetta.

Does anyone have any other suggestions?
(JohntheDane, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 20:59, 88 replies, latest was 16 years ago)
Have a wank.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 21:01, Reply)
^the most sensible suggestion you're likely to get^

(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 21:04, Reply)
Thank you.
I haven't finished yet.


Have a wank thinking of me.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 21:05, Reply)
I can post pictures from your Facebook if he likes
that one of you in the kitchen holding that aubergine works for me every time
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 21:07, Reply)
Girth is always more important than length.
IMHO
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 21:10, Reply)
both is best, though

(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 21:19, Reply)
I agree but one isn't always that lucky.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 21:22, Reply)
Is TOTALLY in there.

(I helped save b3ta! Duke Of Belmsford has got 99 records, but Jay-Z ain't one, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 7:49, Reply)
Loads of women are creeped out if a guy says he masturbators to the thought of her, but I wouldn't mind if someone knocks one out over my mental image.
Doesn't effect me, and in fact, sometimes it could be quite a nice thought.
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 22:48, Reply)
I think it depends who it is

(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 23:33, Reply)

most sensible only
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 21:20, Reply)
Hot Shots: Part Deux is on, watch that instead
I do like V for Vendetta, but the first 20 minutes of the Hot Shots had me in stitches the other day.

Alternatively; your Mrs is out, strip to your pants and get on chatroulette
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 21:03, Reply)
have a spliff and a wank.

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 21:10, Reply)
hang on a minute
are you me?
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 21:28, Reply)
FUUUUUCK
I was wrong all this time? What an odious dolt that I am.
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 21:30, Reply)
we're at something of an impasse
because I think he's you
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 21:30, Reply)
No way, doood
my other account is much better than this ignorant, fart-sniffing little shitebag
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 21:32, Reply)
he's got a beard and he likes a spliff
can't be all bad
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 21:33, Reply)
Don't you start bloody defending him
You're well aware that my mock outrage knows no bounds
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 21:35, Reply)
have a glass of wine and a wank

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 21:18, Reply)

glass bottle

hahawhocanonlyhaveoneglassofwine?!notme,thatsforsurehaha
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 21:18, Reply)
oh, you kerazy merkins

(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 21:26, Reply)
Innit.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 21:27, Reply)
You nasty girl.

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 14 Jul 2010, 21:28, Reply)
?

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 21:33, Reply)
Checkout OPs profile.
Annoying words and phrases. Thought you were winding him up.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 14 Jul 2010, 21:34, Reply)
wanking is for winners

(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 21:20, Reply)
fuck off back to QOTW.

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 21:24, Reply)
That's not very friendly : (
And we all know how friendly you can be.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 21:28, Reply)
Ouch!

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 14 Jul 2010, 21:29, Reply)
I was complimenting her.
She was very friendly when we met : )
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 21:32, Reply)
Oops.
You are doing well at the inadvertantness tonite.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 14 Jul 2010, 21:35, Reply)
I'm a bit squiffy : )

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 21:37, Reply)
Spell tonight properly
or I'll shit up your cat
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 21:38, Reply)
I did.
And tomorrow nite.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 14 Jul 2010, 21:46, Reply)
I'm sellotaping a Persian to my ringpiece as we speak

(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 21:47, Reply)
Sorry! NIGHT! OK?
Leave the poor little furry animal out of this.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 14 Jul 2010, 21:51, Reply)
It's too late
and now you've reminded me of that new Tom Cruise film 'Knight & Day'.

That looks like the biggest pile of shit ever, I'm going to start filling felines with faeces and flinging them at films in futile protest
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 21:53, Reply)
Damn you! Damn you Monkeysex! Damn you to Hell!



If it wasn't for your IBS that kitty would still be unsullied.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 14 Jul 2010, 22:01, Reply)
I'm counting on it at the next bash

(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 21:30, Reply)
I have standards
/waits for someone to mention SF
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 21:34, Reply)
We've all had a wrong un.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 21:36, Reply)
There are quite a few B3tans who've had the same one

(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 21:37, Reply)
I've had very many wronguns.

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 21:39, Reply)
That's a really nasty thing to say
I was being serious, you know. When I first got back you were one of the few people who talked to me withot resulting to lame, petty insults. I thought that we might have had something special.

:(
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 21:37, Reply)
I love it when you pretend to be serious.
It's so funny.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 21:38, Reply)
I'm not pretending BGB, I never am
I'm honestly being sincere, I had a couple of conversations with Lampito a few weeks ago, they even made Becky go a bit jealous and mental at the time
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 21:40, Reply)
Yeah whatever.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 21:43, Reply)
^this

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 21:44, Reply)
It's true!
I'm not a liar!
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 21:45, Reply)
Lies.

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 22:22, Reply)
I'm so offended by this comment that I'm going to gaz you my phone number
and make it my only mission in life to give you a portion
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 22:31, Reply)
Okay I'm taking bets
against this ever happening
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 22:31, Reply)
me gazzing my phone number
or me and lampy getting it awwwwwn?
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 22:36, Reply)
...
Fuck off back to the naughty step, Bert.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 21:39, Reply)
Stop being horrible!
Don't you remember the things we talked about, like when you dyed your hair that funny colour and we all had a little laugh about it?

Why does everybody always assume that I'm some sort of bastard?
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 21:41, Reply)
My hair has been many funny colours.
And I dislike very few people here, but I do dislike some. I just don't show it. :D
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 21:42, Reply)
are you saying that you don't dislike me?

(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 21:44, Reply)
I have no strong feelings about you.

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 21:44, Reply)
Great!
I'll give Chompy a call and tell him we're going two's up
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 21:45, Reply)
Chompy's with DG at the moment.

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 21:50, Reply)
is there an ugly convention on?

(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 21:51, Reply)
No, they're having sex.

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 21:55, Reply)
ugly sex

(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 21:55, Reply)
Bumping uglies.

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 14 Jul 2010, 22:01, Reply)
hahahahaha

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 21:31, Reply)
Isn't that the general greeting for new people?
Sorry JohntheDane.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 21:33, Reply)
Only from Bert.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 21:35, Reply)
Fuck off back to your mother's cunt

(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 21:36, Reply)
Now Bert.
We have all seen what you sent to Booby thingy.
Must try harder for redemption.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 14 Jul 2010, 21:37, Reply)
It was a FAKE

(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 21:38, Reply)
Yes Bert.
*Pats hand in condescending manner*
It'll be fine.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 14 Jul 2010, 21:42, Reply)
It WAS a FAKE
booby is a lying trumphead
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 21:43, Reply)
Who the fuck is Booby?

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 21:43, Reply)
tittybuccaneer
you know, Chompy/Vipros/My comedy account
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 21:46, Reply)
Methinks he doth protest too much.
Don't be shy, he is quite lovable.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 14 Jul 2010, 21:47, Reply)
My mum said I wouldn't come out.
I'm damned if I'm gonna try and get back in now.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 21:41, Reply)
you should try everything at least once

(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 21:42, Reply)
Twice actually.
You can never be sure the first time.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 21:43, Reply)
It doesn't taste any better the second time.
You still need pernod afterwards.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 14 Jul 2010, 21:48, Reply)
but otherwise, where
do you spit it? The belly button?
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 21:54, Reply)
Just MTFU and swallow.
It won't do you any harm. Well, not much.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 14 Jul 2010, 21:56, Reply)
real men swallow

(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 21:57, Reply)
Too fucking right.
No point wasting it.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 14 Jul 2010, 22:02, Reply)
And /talk.
I'm occasionally a /talker :/
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 21:39, Reply)
This is of course a new wife IIRC.
Therefore you should not wank. Save it for her return.
Enthuse yourself by watching porn and cooking for her from a Nigella dvd.
Welcome back by the way. Any wedding day shenanigans to amuse us with?
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 14 Jul 2010, 21:25, Reply)
thank you for the welcome back
Wedding day was good thank you as was our honymoon.

I didn't take the advice of the first reply but am now in bed with wife.

Good night crazy betans.
(JohntheDane, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 23:25, Reply)

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