Bollocks
I bet the rigor mortis is your favourite part of coitus

Now that, my friends, is how you start a song!
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 9:29, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

No
It's when, nuzzled together in the warm afterglow, I pick their spelling and musical taste to pieces and call them a fucking idiot.

I'm like Mel Gibson, me.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 9:33, Reply)

my band had our first review the other day
of our CD.

Fucking awful. Made me laugh.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 9:37, Reply)

Oh dear.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 9:39, Reply)

I don't think the cd is particularly characteristic of us as it isn't rocky enough
some of the stuff criticised is stuff I'd thought anyway, and the majority of it is criticising us for basically being the band we've chosen to be.

it also compared us to kings of leon, which isn't something we've striven for.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 9:41, Reply)

Sod reviewers
British Sea Power always get brilliant reviews, and they're shit.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 9:42, Reply)

and U2
we're not a serious band by any means, so it was quite amusing to see a review treating us as such.

it's also amusing following the gig we played on saturday where half the crowd came up afterwards and were gushing about how we were going to go far, which I also don't believe.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 9:45, Reply)

good old 'drunk people'.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 9:46, Reply)

the ale was very cheap
there was another review in the same magazine that said this other band's music was half awesome and half like you were being poked with tiny sticks
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 9:47, Reply)

they probably write their reviews
with a random word generator.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 9:50, Reply)

I'm going to take away the "decent enough pub band" comment
and the fact that we were described as "budding" and ignore the rest.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 9:53, Reply)

You should firebomb their offices
or post them a poo.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 9:56, Reply)

our bass player has had several bands reviewed by the same guy in the past
and he has slated all of them, despite his last band being awesome, and winning a fair number of battle of the bands

he's probably got most cause to fire-poo their office
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 9:58, Reply)

sounds like it
this chap just might have a chip on his shoulder
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 9:59, Reply)

That's not a chip.
It's a sliver of Vippers' excreta.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 10:02, Reply)

I thought that
then read the other reviews he'd written, which were rather good hehe

frankly though, I'd probably write a similar review of my band, particularly based on the CD he heard.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 10:02, Reply)

It's worth keeping in mind that most reviews are essentially about the reviewer.
And how the songs/book/film fits with their own worldview/values.

Alternatively get some oxy-acetylene bottles, long pipes (with spark back arrestors)and a cutting torch with a fine nozzle, and burn the fucker's face off.
(Cave Duck, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 10:49, Reply)

Haha what a bizarre idea

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 9:53, Reply)

made me want to listen a bit

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 9:54, Reply)

listen a bit knock one out
( thealternativefact, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 9:54, Reply)

most things do that

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 9:56, Reply)

It's the only chance of there being a stiff one in the bed.

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 9:36, Reply)