between not needing much sleep
and failing totally at the whole time difference thing, I have been staring at the ceiling since about 5.30am. So I am reading this under the pillow instead of getting up or putting the light on to read so I don't wake my (snoring) travelling companion.

It gets no more considerate than this, surely.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:54, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

How many times can I call a letting agent a cunt
before it becomes a legal issue?
(PsychoChomp, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:56, Reply)

I believe there's a law
protecting you from anything in this situation.

Keep cuntin'.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:58, Reply)

the phrase
"Withhold rent" is usually more effective.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:59, Reply)

"Withhold rent you cunt"?

(PsychoChomp, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:00, Reply)

I did this for 3 months earlier this year and got a new bathroom and laminate flooring out of it. Totally worth it.

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:05, Reply)

I did this too
it's well within your rights to also employ a contracter and take the money from your rent to pay him for repairs not done within 24 days of notifying them.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:23, Reply)

Five times ...
then Emile Heskey appears and withholds your deposit.
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:09, Reply)

It's a newb
Being funny. Afternoon guv'nor.
( djtrialprice, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:16, Reply)

Alright squire
Hello and all that.
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:29, Reply)

hello n00b :D
I don't get your football related joke but I'm sure it's probably funny.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:33, Reply)

It's a Candyman related joke

( djtrialprice, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 13:00, Reply)

whut?

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 13:04, Reply)

Candyman
A 90's horror film involving an urban legend whereby if you say "Candyman" five times an unpleasant geezer appears and does all manner of nasty things to you. In the film, the Candyman bears an uncanny resemblance to baffling England forward Emile Heskey.

Wasn't worth the wait was it?
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 13:24, Reply)

oh I see!
I got the candyman bit, but didn't understand the Heskey bit because he is, as I understand it, some sort of sportsman.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 13:27, Reply)

it was totally worth it zoziman

( djtrialprice, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 13:56, Reply)

You've nailed him
Your understanding of the man is both vague and accurate, in that he sort of is a footballer.
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 14:06, Reply)

How was the crab racing?
Did yours win, or did it fall at the first hurdle?
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:01, Reply)

hilarious
It was really surreal - tortoises and crabs are not v bright or v quick it seems. This surprised me with the crabs as I thought they'd hoon it straight for the caribbean but no, they just sat there.

However this did not stop the boys, esp the merkins, from getting thoroughly overexcited. How many times can you scream "come on number two" at a crab that clearly has no intention of going anywhere?!

Edit - oh and thanks for the giant armoured spider image, pretty much all I could think of!!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:05, Reply)

Glad it was fun
They tried snail racing at the local village fete a few years ago. They should be able to announce a winner by 2012.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:16, Reply)

just in time for the olympics then!
I love that you have a village fete. In london I just get monthly invites to help clear the local playgrounds of needles.

Did you make a cake/jam/honey??
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:21, Reply)

I was tempted to join in the "Who can grow the biggest onion in a bucket" competition
but I thought that if I did that, I might as well go the whole hog and chew on a stalk of grass, give townies bad directions and marry my sister (not that I have one).

You can take the bumpkin out of the village, but you cant take the village out of the bumpkin.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:36, Reply)

ooo arr

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:40, Reply)

i am unhealthily intrigued
Why does the onion have to be grown in a bucket???
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:43, Reply)

Stops 'em turning into Triffids.
Really large ones can do that, but the bucket (and it ought to be a non-ferrous one) stops the dendritic proto-podia from forming properly, and that inhibits any further venomous developments. Ooo arr, s'tru dat.
(BrianHequator was stretching owls, on, or around, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:53, Reply)

oh my word
that is farmerific.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:54, Reply)

You know what...
I have no idea!
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 14:10, Reply)