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(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Yesterday, I helped a nice Japanese girl at the train station
by carrying her big heavy bag all the way up the stairs, helping her onto the train and then back off again when we got to our destination.
This morning I rescued a poorly bumblebee who had got stuck by my window last night, and it's filled me with an enormous sense of well being.
However, I also recently told a girl that I really like that she is a 'fat version of my ex, but with eye make up that makes her look like a retarded Panda'.

When was the last time you did something awfully nice? Or alternatively, suggest ways to cure me of being the rampaging cock hole that I am.
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 10:40, 203 replies, latest was 16 years ago)
Stop being a cunt?

(PsychoChomp, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 10:42, Reply)
I read that as "Stop being Psychochomp"

(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 10:45, Reply)
It's not like I can help it, Chompy
Lately I've had most of my colleagues in fits of hysterics with my critical evaluations of their meaningless little lives
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 10:47, Reply)
Well stop trying so desperatly to make people notice you then

(PsychoChomp, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 10:48, Reply)
TOO MEAN
You've gone too far this time, you've really hurt my feelings, and if I end up killing myself it'll be all YOUR fault
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 10:50, Reply)
omg you're so shocking.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 10:51, Reply)
You fancy me, don't you Chompy?

(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 10:53, Reply)
Nah, I don't swing that way
sorry.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:02, Reply)
yes you do.
you're a bumward pendulum
(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:11, Reply)
You wish.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:13, Reply)
No I don't. I bet you lick the bed posts and wear a pillowcase like a cape.

(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:14, Reply)
... ... what's your point?

(PsychoChomp, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:18, Reply)
about 4inches above my knees.

(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:20, Reply)
I doubt he ever has a point.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:20, Reply)
I've always got a point.
hyper extended fingers see to this.
(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:28, Reply)
You're a right little Noel Coward, aren't you.
Sitting there in a smoking jacket and sipping a pink gin.
(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 10:51, Reply)
:(

(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 10:54, Reply)
I'm always doing nice things.
The last horrible thing I did was throw the cats out in the rain last night as they were pestering me for more food, the greedy bastards.

Don't stop being a rampaging cock hole. I can't imagine you any other way.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 10:46, Reply)
*blushes*
Do you think you could love me for who I am?
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 10:48, Reply)
I'd rather love you for what you have in your pants.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:01, Reply)
A frightened bumblebee?

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:06, Reply)
I bet it's a vicious wasp.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:08, Reply)
I bought a homeless
bloke a cup of tea and a kitkat last night because he was playing the theme from The Great Escape on his penny whistle.

I thought you were insisting the other day that you're actually a really nice guy, Bert?
(berk, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 10:49, Reply)
Erm
Shut up
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 10:51, Reply)
kill yourself?

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 10:49, Reply)
Yet another fantastically witty post by Psychochomp

(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 10:58, Reply)
It wasn't meant to be witty. More wishful thinking.

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:01, Reply)
Well I reckon none of this is true
so whilst I don't think you called anyone a fat panda, I also don't believe you helped a bumblebee either.

I can't think of anything particularly benevolent I've done this week, although I'm going to give blood soon so that's a bit nice. Unless I have some kind of hideous disease I don't know about.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 10:51, Reply)
I did help the bumblebee
I'd just got out of the shower when I spotted him, so I had to put some pants on for fear that he might sting my willy.
I didn't call the girl a fat panda to her face though, that would have been really horrible
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 10:56, Reply)
lies

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:01, Reply)
On the internet?

(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:04, Reply)
shocking isn't it.

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:05, Reply)
I didn't piss on that tramp last night.

(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:04, Reply)
Shame.
Some of them like it.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:05, Reply)
It's hard to tell if they're crying or not when they're covered in my golden love.

(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:14, Reply)
It was the least you could have done, really
after setting him on fire and all.
(Spleep Shit, or get off the internet., Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:10, Reply)
Haha
It's like Michael Menson all over again.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:12, Reply)
I was wandering around Aberdeen
having gained my bearings using a map I had printed off from Google.

A strange foreigner came up to me asking for directions, so I pointed out where he had to go on the map, marked it in pencil, handed him it and sent him on his way. I felt good about that. Poor foreign man who can't speak very well.
(I helped save b3ta! whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:04, Reply)
You then realised you were hopelessly lost
without your map and ended up as a sex-slave in a Turkish brothel?
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:08, Reply)
Send help

(I helped save b3ta! whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:11, Reply)
...in the form of a minibus full of randy Turks.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:13, Reply)
That is of course the solution to ANY problem...

(I helped save b3ta! whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:18, Reply)
Well they'd clear the brothel's rent arrears pretty sharpish,
if I know those Turks*.



*I DO know those Turks
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:21, Reply)
Why did Constantinople get the works?

(Cave Duck, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:31, Reply)
Thats nobodies business...

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:33, Reply)
but the Tuuuuuuuuuuuurks

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:42, Reply)
'something something something Turks'?

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:35, Reply)
Poor foreign man = Sex pest
Especially in Aberdeen
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:08, Reply)
I hate giving people directions
because I always end up sending them a really convoluted way round, or realise I've sent them the wrong way later.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:16, Reply)
You can get around this by purposely sending them the wrong way
at least then you can do away with your conscience.
(I helped save b3ta! whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:17, Reply)
also I might be right half the time

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:42, Reply)
That wasn't a suitcase, that was her dad. And she wasn't Japanese, she had Down's Syndrome.
I killed a bumblebee last weekend because it was trying to steal my honey, they fucking buzzy cripple.

I bet you didn't say that, you probably just thought it in your head and are now telling people that you said it when you actually didn't.
(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:05, Reply)
It may surprise you all to learn that I'm actually an unbelievably considerate boyfriend
so I do nice things all the time without really ever stopping to bask in how fabulous I am. Adulation is more enjoyable coming from a hot girl in my experience

As regards your innate cockholiness, Bert, please don't change, if you do then so might everyone else and then PsychoChomp will wither and die
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:07, Reply)
nobody cares.

(I helped save b3ta! janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:33, Reply)
jerk noob is jerk

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:37, Reply)
merely an observation. don't get your knickers in a knot.

(I helped save b3ta! janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:38, Reply)

www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post794999
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:40, Reply)
Actually the last time I did something nice was last night.
I went running in the rain and only wore one sports bra.

I'm sure any men wandering around in Todmorden last night were happy.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:07, Reply)
They would have been even happier if you had got the jubblies out for a bit of a breather.

(Cancer Joy was short lived, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:09, Reply)
your were wearing it over your eyes and were making buzzy sounds and flapping your arms like a fly AICMFP.

(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:10, Reply)
You need two?!
Lordy woman, are they boobs or have you got two andrex puppies wrestling on your chest?
(berk, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:10, Reply)
It's better to wear two or else you risk stretching the delicate skin around your boobs when you run.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:13, Reply)
I think we may need pictorial evidence that your boob skin is indeed, unstretched.

(Cancer Joy was short lived, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:15, Reply)
I'm 45.
What do you think.

I've seen women running without a proper bra on and it's scary.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:16, Reply)
It creeps me out when women with larger boobs don't wear bras in public.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:22, Reply)
It has the opposite effect on me
unless they're big and saggy in the tit department.
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:23, Reply)
That's the kind I meant.
Especially if they're fairly old, and the nipples somehow manage to point outwards.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:28, Reply)
Yes, a bra is definitely required there
But for young women with reasonably firm breasts, going free range* is guaranteed to turn men on.



* a phrase coined by a bloke at work, which has become part of the lexicon of all around here
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:30, Reply)
Nah, I like my bras.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:36, Reply)
Wiggy keeps trying to convince me to go braless because he says the nipple look is in
I'm fairly certain he's lying.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:44, Reply)
He might not be...
Have you ever seen those adverts for bras with fake nipples on? So you can be supported and be smuggling bullets at the same time.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:52, Reply)
that's silly
I always get really self conscious if I'm wearing a lacy bra and the room is cold.

Like men who wear slightly see through shirts, it's just inappropriate!
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:07, Reply)
you could end up with quad nips

(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:13, Reply)
eh?

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:17, Reply)
I had a pole hen party where the girl brought her mum
and mum got changed into a loose fitting vest with no bra. I was like O_O
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:43, Reply)
I had a dream last night where I was back in my old high school
And as part of the leaving assembly, they asked me to do a pole routine, saying they'd provide the pole. I said ok, but when I got there, there were no poles, just climbing ropes, and five non-poledancers that they expected me to teach in half an hour.
So I waited til showtime and then swung on the ropes and kicked the headmaster off the stage and everyone cheered.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:57, Reply)
I'd love to go back to my high school and climb that damn rope
I'd be all 'take that you slaggy PE teacher who's having an affair that you don't know I know about'
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:08, Reply)
Months ago I was next to a young girl on the treadmill who was wearing a push up bra to run in.
She had to keep shoving them back in.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:24, Reply)
Hahahahaha

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:27, Reply)
That's just silly
You'd think she'd realise that was never going to work
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:28, Reply)
It's certainly quite uncomfortable
and my boobs are tiny. Silly wench deserves the knee-warmers she'll get, treating them like that.
(berk, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:35, Reply)
And the broken jaw.

(Cave Duck, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:48, Reply)
I always wear two pairs of Y-fronts for similar reasons.

(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:16, Reply)
And the same reason why I wear 4 hats.

(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:19, Reply)
I want a letter and a number
in close conjunction
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:17, Reply)
44 Training Stings

(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:19, Reply)
I changed a guy's tenner on the bus the other day
For all my pound coins because the driver wouldn't let him on with a note.

Set up an electric shock system, so that every time you do something cock-ish, you get several thousand volts coursing through you. You'll have yourself conditioned to be nice no time.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:20, Reply)
Ah but you only had 4 pound coins, you SHYLOCK.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:22, Reply)
;)

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:26, Reply)
They're the same in Bristol but they seem to get so angry about it.
I'm only paying with a note fella relax.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:23, Reply)
Yeah, but think of all the change they'd have to give you from that note.
If a few people did it they'd end up with no change at all, and that is really fucking annoying.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:26, Reply)
I can see their point but some of the reactions you get
it's almost as if you were trying to pay in baked beans. ( I haven't thought that through)
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:29, Reply)
And now think about how many people they pick up everyday
And how many of those people probably try to pay with notes. Used to piss me right off when I worked in a cafe and the first ten or so customers of the day would always pay for a cup of tea with a twenty.
Fucking cyclists.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:35, Reply)
They shouldn't be so rude about it,
or they should start with more change at the beginning of the shift.
It's not like it's a total shock that some people only have notes to pay for stuff, stop defending the moody drivers.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:40, Reply)
I think she's mostly arguing because she wants to hurt boobypirates/you

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:46, Reply)
I only just got involved, it's got nothing to do with me.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:47, Reply)
that's just what someone who had two accounts would say....
*Poirots*
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:49, Reply)
Both really.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:48, Reply)
I'm not Chompy, isn't he Danish or something? I'm Irish.
Honestly if I ever meet Bertmonkeytwat I will nipple tweak the shit out of him for startign this!
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:16, Reply)
yeah right
you'd probably both be extremely awkward and polite to each other.

You really need to work on that pesky reply thing!
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:18, Reply)
I don't actually know what I'm doing wrong there
I just click on reply in the box I want to reply too? Is that wrong?

I might give him one of me looks instead!!!
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:22, Reply)
no, that's right
did you mean to reply to Applebite's post? It just didn't seem a contextually relevant reply. If you did mean to, then my apologies.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:38, Reply)
Can't remember now but lets assume I made a mistake

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:54, Reply)
Buses are for povs anyway.

(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:49, Reply)
Did the note say "As I am superman I don't need to pay for the bus"?

(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:23, Reply)
Utter genius 10/10

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:24, Reply)
No, it said "I have a bomb. If you don't let me on the bus, I'll blow the entire thing to hell, motherfucker"

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:25, Reply)
So you've been funding terrorism?

(PsychoChomp, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:26, Reply)
that's not really funding it, more actually doing it.

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:46, Reply)
I don't think Superman has much use for a bomb really,
he's Superman after all!
(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:29, Reply)
Unless he was only pretending to be superman
And it was all part of his dastardly plan.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:33, Reply)
A Dastardly plan to stop the pigeon?

(Cave Duck, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:35, Reply)
He was wearing pants on the outside of his trousers
I don't think it's our place to question him.
(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:38, Reply)
You're right there.
I wouldn't want to question anyone wearing their underwear on the outside.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:40, Reply)
YOUR?

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:44, Reply)
Shit, sorry
I usually nazi everyone else about that one. First "Piece", now this... what's happening to me??
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:45, Reply)
nazi as a verb?

(PsychoChomp, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:46, Reply)
Yep.
I'm pioneering it.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:49, Reply)
I'll help with that, I rather like it.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:50, Reply)
Oh so it's ok to change the english language when you think it's ok?

(PsychoChomp, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:51, Reply)
Yes.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:56, Reply)
WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT????!!!??

(PsychoChomp, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:58, Reply)
CHANGE NOT DECAY

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:00, Reply)
I sometimes wear underwear on the outside
but more in the form of those slutty Anne Summers basques than y-fronts over leggings. Maybe we can bring back that look from Britney's Slave 4 U vid where she's wearing a thong over jeans.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:48, Reply)
Carry on like that until we revoke your right to vote.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:50, Reply)
you mean 'until they revoke OUR right to vote'
we girls should stick together boobychomp.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:09, Reply)
I've worn my corset on the outside
And I bought a brabody for the express purpose of wearing it as a top.

It seems to get me laid, which is fantastic. But when I wear it under things. Plus the cups are a little too small (and lacy) so I'd have to go GaGa with electrical tape over my nipples.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:59, Reply)
loltmi
(though after the barefoot story you can probably handle anything I say)
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:59, Reply)
*shudders*
I'm more appalled at his behaviour than yours though.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:11, Reply)
He was trying to be a manly man
and failing, miserably.
At least he was worried I'd kill myself...
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:15, Reply)
albeit in a particularly selfish way
he's a douchebag.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:19, Reply)
He's not as hot as he was, either.

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:25, Reply)
I slept with an ex ages ago
and he had got fat and pasty. I lolled after he'd left and resolved never to do it again.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:39, Reply)
I wear electrical tape when I'm wearing a backless top!
The stripey green and yellow is my favourite but Wiggy says it's not as sexy as the black.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:10, Reply)
they have a really beautiful bra range in Debenhams that kind of has a half vest thing attached
I don't know what it's called, I'll see if I can find a picture.

Here's one: www.debenhams.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/prod_10001_10001_161010252382_-1?breadcrumb=Home~Lingerie~Bras

The whole Frost French range is pretty awesome.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:11, Reply)
Oh my friend the Flame Hair'd Sex Pot wears those
with highwaisted skirts as tops.

Yummy.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:16, Reply)
ooh that's daring!
I don't think I'd actually go out in just underwear, I'd be too scared that people would think I'd forgotten to get dressed.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:19, Reply)
She is Queen of Underwear as Outerwear.

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:22, Reply)
I shall cancel the Lady Gaga interview then
shame, really, it took a lot of arranging.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:00, Reply)
or a bus.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:40, Reply)
Maybe it was raining.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:42, Reply)
It was.
Rather heavily.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:46, Reply)
Then that was actually a very nice thing to do and I'm confused as to why it's gone off on so many tangents.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:50, Reply)
I dunno, I didn't start them.
And don't sound so surprised!
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:53, Reply)
I am a bit suprised.
Just a bit though.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:55, Reply)
I would let him on the bus, not worth the risk.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:25, Reply)
Buses = Germ vans

(Cancer Joy was short lived, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:42, Reply)
I gave a friend my last nodder from my wallet, knowing I stood a chance of being able to use it that night too
Fucking killed me that did.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:44, Reply)
You're a kind of modern-day Gandhi*.



*you're a fraud and a paedo and you smell.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:46, Reply)
And you're all wrinkly

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:50, Reply)
:(

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:53, Reply)
Not youuuuuuu, silly.
AA.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:53, Reply)
Ah.
Thanks *sads*
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:06, Reply)
She's talking about your ballbags, it's all cool.
Imagine if your balls were botoxed and smooth eh? could be worse.

My berries look like a Klingon abortion.
(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:55, Reply)
They've got plasticine ridges?

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:58, Reply)
They think today is a good day to die.

(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:06, Reply)
Don't keep them in your wallet
(or at least not for ages) they crease and have more chance of splitting.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:57, Reply)
Lampito
Knowledgeable sex queen.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:58, Reply)
:(
I wish.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:00, Reply)
Lampito
Galloping Lust Dustbin?
(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:04, Reply)
You're a wicked wicked man DG. And you owe me a can of coke now.

(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:08, Reply)
soz :P

(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:10, Reply)
Too true :(

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:09, Reply)
I'm only playing :)
How about a Wittle You Down Face Rapist?
(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:12, Reply)
I love it, hence it's in my profile.

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:16, Reply)
I echo when you throw things into me, and I'm filled with rubbish

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:17, Reply)
I'll make it up to when I see you and give you a hug at arms length. I know what your grip is like when you come into close quarters with a boy.

(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:18, Reply)
I'm the female Chompy.

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:19, Reply)
Nah don't be that harsh on yourself.

(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:26, Reply)
Lampito
Irascible lust denizen.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:09, Reply)
THESE ALL SOUND LIKE ACRONYMS
What for?
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:10, Reply)
Acronyms
for AWESOME. Honestly.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:11, Reply)
Maybe experienced would be a better word?

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:07, Reply)
Lampito
Voracious Lust discernible
(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:12, Reply)
Aye, learnt that one the hard way
Not really anywhere else for a lad to keep them though, not when he's out.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:07, Reply)
I put mine on my todger before I go out. Then when I need a weewee I just piss it off into the trough and then apply a new one*
*shake it off and put it back on again.
(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:09, Reply)
between not needing much sleep
and failing totally at the whole time difference thing, I have been staring at the ceiling since about 5.30am. So I am reading this under the pillow instead of getting up or putting the light on to read so I don't wake my (snoring) travelling companion.

It gets no more considerate than this, surely.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:54, Reply)
How many times can I call a letting agent a cunt
before it becomes a legal issue?
(PsychoChomp, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:56, Reply)
I believe there's a law
protecting you from anything in this situation.

Keep cuntin'.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:58, Reply)
the phrase
"Withhold rent" is usually more effective.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:59, Reply)
"Withhold rent you cunt"?

(PsychoChomp, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:00, Reply)
I did this for 3 months earlier this year and got a new bathroom and laminate flooring out of it. Totally worth it.

(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:05, Reply)
I did this too
it's well within your rights to also employ a contracter and take the money from your rent to pay him for repairs not done within 24 days of notifying them.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:23, Reply)
Five times ...
then Emile Heskey appears and withholds your deposit.
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:09, Reply)
It's a newb
Being funny. Afternoon guv'nor.
(I helped save b3ta! djtrialprice, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:16, Reply)
Alright squire
Hello and all that.
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:29, Reply)
hello n00b :D
I don't get your football related joke but I'm sure it's probably funny.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:33, Reply)
It's a Candyman related joke

(I helped save b3ta! djtrialprice, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 13:00, Reply)
whut?

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 13:04, Reply)
Candyman
A 90's horror film involving an urban legend whereby if you say "Candyman" five times an unpleasant geezer appears and does all manner of nasty things to you. In the film, the Candyman bears an uncanny resemblance to baffling England forward Emile Heskey.

Wasn't worth the wait was it?
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 13:24, Reply)
oh I see!
I got the candyman bit, but didn't understand the Heskey bit because he is, as I understand it, some sort of sportsman.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 13:27, Reply)
it was totally worth it zoziman

(I helped save b3ta! djtrialprice, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 13:56, Reply)
You've nailed him
Your understanding of the man is both vague and accurate, in that he sort of is a footballer.
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 14:06, Reply)
How was the crab racing?
Did yours win, or did it fall at the first hurdle?
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:01, Reply)
hilarious
It was really surreal - tortoises and crabs are not v bright or v quick it seems. This surprised me with the crabs as I thought they'd hoon it straight for the caribbean but no, they just sat there.

However this did not stop the boys, esp the merkins, from getting thoroughly overexcited. How many times can you scream "come on number two" at a crab that clearly has no intention of going anywhere?!

Edit - oh and thanks for the giant armoured spider image, pretty much all I could think of!!
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:05, Reply)
Glad it was fun
They tried snail racing at the local village fete a few years ago. They should be able to announce a winner by 2012.
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:16, Reply)
just in time for the olympics then!
I love that you have a village fete. In london I just get monthly invites to help clear the local playgrounds of needles.

Did you make a cake/jam/honey??
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:21, Reply)
I was tempted to join in the "Who can grow the biggest onion in a bucket" competition
but I thought that if I did that, I might as well go the whole hog and chew on a stalk of grass, give townies bad directions and marry my sister (not that I have one).

You can take the bumpkin out of the village, but you cant take the village out of the bumpkin.
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:36, Reply)
ooo arr

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:40, Reply)
i am unhealthily intrigued
Why does the onion have to be grown in a bucket???
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:43, Reply)
Stops 'em turning into Triffids.
Really large ones can do that, but the bucket (and it ought to be a non-ferrous one) stops the dendritic proto-podia from forming properly, and that inhibits any further venomous developments. Ooo arr, s'tru dat.
(BrianHequator was stretching owls, on, or around, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:53, Reply)
oh my word
that is farmerific.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:54, Reply)
You know what...
I have no idea!
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 14:10, Reply)

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