I once killed a big scary spider with a cat

(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 22 Jul 2010, 11:27, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

Spiders aren't scary
And cats aren't weapons. Silly man.
(berk, Thu 22 Jul 2010, 11:28, Reply)

Spiders are FUCKING TERRIFYING I'll have you know.
And cats are quite easy to use as weapons. Ever had one thrown at your face?
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 22 Jul 2010, 11:31, Reply)

No....
I can't imagine spending a lot of time around someone who would fling a cat at my face! Besides, they're not exactly fatal, your average domestic cat, are they?
(berk, Thu 22 Jul 2010, 11:33, Reply)

Depends on the size of the cat
The cat I used apparently weighed about a stone. If thrown at my face, I imagine he could have put my neck out.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 22 Jul 2010, 11:35, Reply)

It's not going to kill you, no.
But, having grown up with a violent feline in the household and a couple of siblings, you can do a fair bit of damage with one.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 22 Jul 2010, 11:36, Reply)

It's like the flying sheep in Worms Armageddon
it doesn't kill you but does around +75 damage.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 22 Jul 2010, 12:28, Reply)

I love you
Gamer girls FTW!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 22 Jul 2010, 12:31, Reply)

Girl gamers
are generally worse at games though.

OOH CONTROVERSIAL
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Thu 22 Jul 2010, 12:34, Reply)

that reminds me
I need to take on PenguinOfDeath at MarioKart.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 22 Jul 2010, 12:47, Reply)

I'm not very good at shooting games
I just find call of duty stressful.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 22 Jul 2010, 12:47, Reply)

I was whupped unceremoniously by a female pro Quake player
At a games convention back in 1998 or 1999. It was first to 7 kills, and in the whole weekend nobody had killed her ONCE. She was incredibly hot too, think her name was Kornelia, or something similar.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 22 Jul 2010, 12:48, Reply)

you wouldn't love me after I dropped a concrete donkey on you

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 22 Jul 2010, 12:48, Reply)

That shit's just foreplay
I bring the grenades, baby.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 22 Jul 2010, 12:49, Reply)

I don't think they're scary either
BUT IT WAS WATCHING ME POO
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 22 Jul 2010, 11:32, Reply)

maybe it was pooping too and was like
"aargh there's a human watching me poo, I hope it doesn't come over and give me a fatal squishing"
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 22 Jul 2010, 12:28, Reply)

No, but the cat was my personal samurai guard
(read: there was a fucking massive tegenaria in the bath, so I put the cat in there with it.)
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 22 Jul 2010, 11:32, Reply)

Googled and flinched
I apologise - one of those would probably have me doing the ick dance too.
(berk, Thu 22 Jul 2010, 11:35, Reply)

Yeah, those big buggers that come and hide in corners of your house every September
Smaller spiders, I can cope with. But those buggers really freak me out. Sadly my personal samurai guard has since passed away.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 22 Jul 2010, 11:38, Reply)

I'd still rather do the pint-glass-and-cardboard thing
with a fuck off great spider than deal with a daddy long legs, personally.
(berk, Thu 22 Jul 2010, 11:40, Reply)

Oh, I've got better.
In the absence of PersonalSamuraiGuardCat I've had to make do with pint glass and the piece of cardboard that you never think will be sturdy enough and running into the garden in your socks making a lot of noise and throwing it out and then running back into the house in case it follows you.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 22 Jul 2010, 11:42, Reply)

WRONG.
Hurl a Yellow Pages at it. Then tear out the bits with spider juice on, they can't be in your house any more.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 22 Jul 2010, 11:42, Reply)

You're both a big pair of jessies
This from a woman who had an irrational fear of woodlice...
(berk, Thu 22 Jul 2010, 11:44, Reply)

I mourn for my copy of Molecular Biology of the Cell (3rd Edition).
Weighed a ton and had a wipe-clean cover. If I hadn't discovered the Swiffer as an alternate method of spider-killing I would have had to buy another one.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 22 Jul 2010, 11:46, Reply)

Good old Alberts et al...
I think I've still got mine. My copy of Lehninger's Principles of Biochemistry is probably heavier though...
(berk, Thu 22 Jul 2010, 11:48, Reply)

Hah.I've got a book on molecular sequences analysis that's seen more use as a mosquito-splatter recently. A good textbook can probably kill anything up to rat size.
( Labmonkey last thought about having another coffee on, Thu 22 Jul 2010, 11:51, Reply)

Spiders are not my biggest problem.
I have an irrational terror of a certain order of beetles, ever since a holiday in the South of France. Anything belonging to Cerambycidae freaks the fuck out of me - look up Disteniidae, it may not be the same one but it's the closest I could find.

They're fucking enormous and they can FUCKING FLY.

_{And I'm going back out there in a couple of weeks' time for my summer holiday.}
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 22 Jul 2010, 11:49, Reply)

I have loads of flying beetles around my house
tricksy thinsg to catch
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 22 Jul 2010, 11:52, Reply)

They don't look so bad
I might not be as ambivalent if I had one coming at my face though. Is there an interesting story behind this?
(berk, Thu 22 Jul 2010, 11:53, Reply)

I was with my family, we were eating out on the balcony in the place we were staying.
It just sort of appeared on the far wall. My sister flipped out, and despite my father and I insisting that it was crawling away from us, and off the side of the balcony, she wasn't having any of it. My father, being the fearless entomologist, decided he'd best go and encourage it on its way.

That was when the beetle got a bit spooked and decided to take to the air. Try and imagine that fucker with its wing cases extended flying straight towards you. It fucking landed on ME. I can only imagine the girly scream I emitted would have put even Darth Foxtrot to shame. Fortunately it landed on my shirt, and so with a quick shake of that it fell off. But I've been terrified of the things ever since.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 22 Jul 2010, 11:57, Reply)

It's like the Dark Knight
but instead of becoming a symbol of fear to fight crime you've become a symbol of anal penetration to fight homophobia..
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Thu 22 Jul 2010, 12:33, Reply)

It's a shame the batman symbol is already taken
It's a little more atmospheric than the endless BUMDER ALERTS.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 22 Jul 2010, 13:40, Reply)