I'm stressed about something stupid
the woman I replaced on maternity leave is coming back on Monday and I don't want her to boot me out of my desk because I have the best one in the office, but I reckon she'll just come back and demand that I move. I know this is silly, but it's right next to the window and no one can see my screen and all my cupboards are within reaching distance. Grrr.

I'm a little bit stressed about the next piece of coursework I have to hand in as well because the guy has failed me twice on it so I just feel like I can't do it now. I did get two other pieces back yesterday with 85% and 100% on different subjects though so that was encouraging.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:59, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

85 and 100% are significantly better marks than I ever got for anything

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 15:01, Reply)

Especially love making.

(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 15:02, Reply)

haha
D- must try harder.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 15:04, Reply)

you wouldn't like it harder

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 15:04, Reply)

hahah
VIPROS SMASH
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 15:09, Reply)

"it's a bit like shoving a pineapple into an anchovy arse, spikey end first"

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 15:12, Reply)

Are you saying Kitty's arse smells of fish?

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 15:12, Reply)

>:(

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 15:14, Reply)

woah K Swiss, thought you had my back
and now this? I'm hurt, sis, hurt.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 15:14, Reply)

he's the one that said it, not me, honest guv

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 15:15, Reply)

I'll let you off
since it's you
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 15:47, Reply)

it's him you should be angry with
I was trying to play off your vipros smash

but I see how it is
that's fine
*sulks off*
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 15:51, Reply)

they can't grade what they can't remember

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 15:04, Reply)

remember feel
(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 15:04, Reply)

depends on what "relaxant" I'm employing at the time

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 15:05, Reply)

No, it depends if you're grasping a vibrator between your thighs
in a desperate attempt to pretend your penis can reach inside her.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 15:10, Reply)

just makes me think that they must be being lenient.
Although I thought my history tutor was lenient until I read the college forum and loads of people said she failed them.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 15:05, Reply)

get in extra early and just make yourself busy as fuck
too busy to waste time moving for some work shy skank who spent 9 months off to play with kids.Selfish cow should be grateful she has a job to come back to, sit her in the cupboard in the dark so she can think about what she did.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 15:02, Reply)

What a stupid opinion of people who go on maternity leave.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 15:06, Reply)

It's not serious Chompy - do I need to put a disclaimer on

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 15:08, Reply)

you should put one on your face

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 15:09, Reply)

I feel like I need one at the moment
it's quite a lot to take in, Chompy, Bert, and being misunderstood. That was a bit too emo even for me. MTFU ac, MTFU!!
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 15:11, Reply)

It does bug me a little how much new mothers get now
she's had a year off and she gets to come back to 33 accumulated holidays, plus flexitime that none of the rest of us get, plus she will undoubtedly have numerous baby-related crises of "I need to go and pick her up from nursery, she's sneezed".

It's mainly the desk thing though, I like my desk. It's got my tiny army of origami post-it cranes on it.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 15:11, Reply)

yeah but sneezing is the worst

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 15:14, Reply)

My sister in law has done it and is doing it again
I get the whole wanting to have kids stuff but a year is a long time, 6 months full pay, 6 months half.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 15:16, Reply)

hows your new book going Bert?

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 15:25, Reply)

Have read a whole two pages last night
then I went out and played xbox with Norm. I have the day off tomorrow and intend to read it then as Dance Dance Dance arrived today.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 15:30, Reply)

I thought it was 9 months full
with an additional 3 months unpaid where the company has to keep your job open.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 15:47, Reply)

not sure I know hers was 6 months full, 6 months half last time
I assumed the same for this.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 15:54, Reply)

wrap a used sanitary towel up in its wrapper and leave it on your desk
she probably won't want your desk then, but if she does, say 'but this could have been MY BABY' and start crying
(Bret Mong Keys Eggs has wet his weapon, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 15:16, Reply)

For fucks sake
If you had read the backstory you would know that Kitty once had an abortion on her office desk and is therefore a little sensitive about such things. Maybe you should consider that before mouthing off like a cunt.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 15:26, Reply)

Hahahaha!

(Bret Mong Keys Eggs has wet his weapon, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 15:28, Reply)

READ ALL POSTS BEFORE POSTING

(PsychoChomp, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 15:29, Reply)

It's true
right next to the post-its. It was an awful mess.

You insensitive bastard!
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 15:49, Reply)

Right, what you need to do is this:
1. Leave printouts of the latest infant-death statistics on her desk.
2. If you have access to her account, leave Google searches for "shaken baby syndrome" on the screen.
3. Stretch a condom over her phone receiver.
4. Make fake blood out of red food colouring and syrup, bite a few small chunks out of a marshmallow, stick the marshmallow on an untwisted wire coathanger, dip the marshmallow in the fake blood mix and leave the resultant drippy contraption in her pen holder.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 15:16, Reply)

Gifted
in a very peculiar way, is what you are Lab.
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 15:24, Reply)

I like to think of it as 'touched'

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 15:27, Reply)

^This^
Possession is nine points of the law. Or something like that.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 15:09, Reply)

I've arranged everything on her desk ready for her return and I've moved the shelves so they're within reach of the desk
and I've made sure there's loads of space to get around her desk (she's a bit large), with only a little gap for me to get to my desk in the hope of making her desk look super appetising and mine look all cramped and miserable.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 15:13, Reply)

Tell her to fuck off
Or preferably get someone else to do it. 'Her desk', bollocks, what does she think it is, Primary School? She's a grown woman ffs, she has shat a baby out her fanny and everything.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 16:14, Reply)