Victory from the jaws of defeat.
I’ve just spent the past hour panic-strickenly hoping to God that an 8am £27 bid I made on a record on Ebay was going to be outbid, because I have found it on Netsounds for £15.75 (no-one else would be likely to find it as the listing was misspelled). It’s worth £35+.

For once in my life fortune smiled on me. The poor sod I was in a bidding war with still got an OK price but I’ve got what I wanted for half the money.

Q: is this the most boring post in B3ta history?
Alt Q: ever got away with something when it looked like you’d really fucked up?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 9:59, 103 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Is it the Best of David Bowie?
If so it's worth much more than that.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 10:00, Reply)

No, it isn't.
And no, it isn't.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 10:10, Reply)

You're a London dj type aren't you?
Know anything about Stanton C.324 decks? Got a pair that are about 2 years old, just got back to UK & had a play & they are both fucked, one wont read cd's, other won't eject. Internet seems pretty rife with people who've had the same problems, any ideas of quick fixes?

My old Vestax vinyl decks still work fine after about 12 years, fucking new technology.
( broadsword, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 10:18, Reply)

That I am.
Quick fix: throw them away and never DJ with CDs again.

Are the Vestax decks those ones that have an optional enormous down to tiny pitch range? Quite a neat feature.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 10:25, Reply)

Or go completely digital
And DJ using MP3s!
*watches Monty have a fit*
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 10:29, Reply)

I appreciate
the practical benefits of such behaviour, having lugged two 30kg boxes of vinyl around Europe on occasion. Even more so when you use this frankly brilliant piece of kit:

www.decks.co.uk/products/rane/serato_scratch_live

That is one excellent piece of gear.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 10:35, Reply)

I haven't tried that
I use Traktor, with an entry-level (or Tomy's My First) Hercules console, which does the job for me and the infrequent DJing I do. I tried playing with Ableton Live, but lost patience with it pretty quickly.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 10:38, Reply)

Ableton DJs can't engage properly with the crowd, from what I've seen.
Not that I get crowds at my shows any more.

'Angry mobs', yes...
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:03, Reply)

I'm waiting to see what Stanton say, cd's aren't my choice but its handy to have the option
The pitch is + / - 12.5 which you can change by a further 50% I think with a knob, these ones, much prefer them to SL12's
( broadsword, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 10:40, Reply)

I like the straight tone-arms on Vestax decks.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:08, Reply)

nice one
A: yes
Alt A: yeah, but it was boring work stuff. I don't want to write it and you don't want to read it.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 10:04, Reply)

Q. Of course not. no
Alt Q: All the time at work
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 10:04, Reply)

Possibly
Alt Q: I was very nearly sacked last year for not invoicing a company, when it turned out I'd been explicitly told to put away the piece of paper containing the instructions, woo!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 10:07, Reply)

Yep
Alt Q: A couple of times at work, most of the time the fuck up isn't my fault, but it becomes my responsibility.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 10:08, Reply)

1. In the top five most boring since I joined B3ta.
2. Yes - often... in work, relationships, socially, when doing DIY + many others.
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 10:09, Reply)

Are things so bad at Chez Monty that you are that worried about £11.25?
What would that get you in London? Half a pint and a handjob from the roughest Kings Cross hooker...
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 10:10, Reply)

Only if that's how much it costs to get to his ex

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 10:13, Reply)

Hey! That's his babys momma
oh no you di-ent

(how you liking these "urban" comments?)
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 10:15, Reply)

I'm not.
But I applaud your effort.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 10:15, Reply)

Oh man, give a brother a break
I had really feverish zombie dreams last night
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 10:18, Reply)

I can't take zombies seriously anymore, it's not fair
Damn you 28 Days Later, you ruined it for me!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 10:25, Reply)

I like 28 days later (still shits me right up)
Didn't like 28 Weeks later. London is supposedly locked down tighter than a nuns knickers, yet 2 kids stroll out and find their mother? Say what?
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 10:27, Reply)

28 Days Later didn't frighten me at all
I watched it with a mate, and we couldn't help but laugh at the zombies all the way through it, I think that ruined it for us.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 10:29, Reply)

I love a good zombie film, but the good ones are few and far between
Even Romeros are mostly shit
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 10:33, Reply)

I've never been particularly bothered by zombies, I enjoy the ones with a little less sense in there
Resident Evil is probably my favourite. I can turn my brain off, sit back, and enjoy it.

Although Evil Dead did shit me up a bit...
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 10:36, Reply)

Evil Dead isn't zombies so much though
I watched RE3 the other day. Quite enjoyable.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 10:38, Reply)

Definitely
I always found the games fairly scary, enough to make me jump a bit. Silent Hill was a different matter altogether, scared the crap out of me.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 10:39, Reply)

the trouble with those games is that I'm really trigger happy
and limited ammo games tend to frustrate me.

I might investigate the RE game for the Wii though. Haven't played one in a while.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 10:43, Reply)

I'm the same
I think that's the reason I play them, makes it more of a challenge. Put me in Half Life or Halo, and it's the complete opposite!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 10:51, Reply)

RE4 for the Wii gets some insanely good reviews on amazon
so I think I'll invest at some point.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 10:56, Reply)

I tried it on the PS3
I just found the controls ridiculous, couldn't get into it at all.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:00, Reply)

When you put it like that, it's rather silly to care about it,
but it's more that I fucked up not researching my purchase properly and got carried away in a bid-off, and that really pissed me off.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 10:19, Reply)

Ignore my buzz-kill comment
I'm just grouchy because I had an awful nights sleep (zombie dreams aplenty). I actually blame you and Vipros because a couple of weeks ago you were discussing corned beef and mustard sandwiches and I finally got round to eating one last night.

And what happens? Feverish zombie dreams.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 10:23, Reply)

did you enjoy the sandwich though
that's the important thing?

also, I frequently have zombie dreams. Maybe there is some kind of link between mustard and zombies...
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 10:37, Reply)

I did, I made it with tiger bread which is always a win
I reckon the mustard triggered the freaky dreams, cheese has never had an effect on my sleeping patterns, but mustard...whoa.

In my dream last night my family and I were caught out in the open by the zombies, we had to leg it which meant my 60 y/o parents were munched.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:11, Reply)

tiger bread is the best bread
at least, the best non-foreign bread. I wish I could get decent Turkish bread around here somewhere :-(

that's a pretty unfortunate dream. While I frequently have zombie dreams, I always cope quite well in them
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:14, Reply)

Turkish bread is indeed excellent.
I'm really spoilt for choice in the ethno-bread stakes round here.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:17, Reply)

We have a Greek bakery, and several West Indian ones up the -shudder- Walworth Road
I would kill to have a bagel place near.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:19, Reply)

there's nowhere to get a good bagel here either
Exeter is shockingly deprived when it comes to sandwich shops and ethnic foods other than polish and asian.

I'm still gutted that the Russian restaurant closed down. Great food, superb cabbage, lovely vodka, and hot, angry Russian waitresses.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:22, Reply)

I'm not too far from Shoreditch*, usually quite a few around there
And I can get (fairly) direct buses to my two favourite Indian restaurants in London. Luckily I don't have that exotic tastes in food and London is so full of stuff if I decided I wanted whatever I could get it.

*by bus, if I tried to walk they'd find my carcass picked clean of meat somewhere down by Borough, and that'd be impressive.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:24, Reply)

I'm a massive fan of Turkish food, and there just isn't anywhere other than dirt kebab shops
I went to an awesome place in Lewisham with my brother when I was up to see him, and now I have to make my own if I want to try and recapture it. Not the same without the glorious bread though.

We've got plenty of decent chinese, thai and indian places, but I'd commit GBH for a nice Turkish or Lebanese place or something.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:28, Reply)

I live with a Turk
He seems to live off oven chips and Red Stripe. Does he cook delicious-sounding food? No.
I've not yet had Turkish, it's a shame.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:30, Reply)

their food is awesome
I had better turkish food in london than in turkey though.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:32, Reply)

If you EVER get your lazy arse to London
I will take you on a journey of food revelation.

And then kill you.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:34, Reply)

it's not laziness
I'm as skint as I've been since leaving uni at the moment.

I look forward to it though. I love food. and being killed.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:40, Reply)

There are literally dozens of excellent Turkish places in Dalston.
There's also a good one on Mare St in Hackney, and a couple of brilliant ones on Upper Street (Gallipoli).

Despite being Turk-central, don't bother with Green Lanes as they are all fronts for herion importers.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:33, Reply)

Thank you, Mr Boyce, will bear that in mind
I've not been to Dalston yet. Hope you're feeling recovered from your blotches.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:35, Reply)

Mangal is the best one in Dalston.
I'm much improved, thanks.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:38, Reply)

Yup
alt: yup
( broadsword, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 10:11, Reply)

Yay for getting things cheap
I bought an amp off eBay a little while ago. There were two going, the first one finishing went up to over 120 quid, which would be a saving of 130 off store prices. Pretty gutted that I didn't win.

Luckily I won the second one, which went for an even tun. Saving money on subsequent victory is very satisfying.

I was once nearly responsible for my company being unable to deliver on a contract they won. Luckily, it turned out that somebody else not given back what I was supposed to be sending out, after they'd borrowed them to do their bit. They swore up and down that they didn't have them, foolishly I believed them and was about to own up to my boss when he goes "oh wait a bit, there they are". Don't know if that qualifies, but it certainly felt like I'd gotten away with it.
( Kroney, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 10:16, Reply)

Q. Hell no, it's about music. Details of what record it was would have made it better though.

Alt Q. When fitting an outdoor tap I accidently took the feed from the hot rather than cold water pipe. I got away with it by fitting another one correctly and claiming that an outside hot tap would be useful for filling the the kids paddling pool and washing the cars.
(Cave Duck, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 10:16, Reply)

that reminds me
I need to fit an outdoor tap
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 10:18, Reply)

Third degree burns on children are amusing

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 10:18, Reply)

Part of me thinks that you actually believe this

(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 10:19, Reply)

She does

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 10:20, Reply)

I think third degree burns on you would be funny
Especially if you got them by running into a BBQ and faceplanting the hot grill
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 10:21, Reply)

You're nothing but venom and hatred to me this morning

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 10:23, Reply)

I am in an absolutely foul mood and you are an easy target
small voice sorry make it all better? Even though I probably will continue being mean
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 10:24, Reply)

Foul because you have to work?
Aww, little small voice!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 10:28, Reply)

foul because I like my job
but I hate all the fucking useless management types who stick their fucking noses in from far away and cause me a million more things to do then wonder why I am angry and haven't done things because I don't have any fucking time arghghghhgghghghgh.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 10:34, Reply)

That does truly suck

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 10:36, Reply)

Our machines are out till the 31st
but NO I have to move a million thing to fit a stupid job it and my planner is yelling at me becase there is no room and the sales director is yeling at me because the customer HAS to have it but there is NO room.

Repeat ad infinium
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 10:37, Reply)

Unreasonable people demanding the impossible
Yep, sounds familiar. I doubt I have it anywhere near as bad as you though, and I can turn around to a client and say that it's physically not possible, and confuse them with tech talk.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 10:40, Reply)

I should also mention I have over 100 customers
so sadly I have the same fucking conversation about a difefrent customer about 20 times a day
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 10:41, Reply)

that's the shitty icing on a crappy cake
at least I don't have to talk to people most of the time, and when I do I'm allowed to just confuse them until they go away
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 10:42, Reply)

I know you must feel sorry for me as you didn't mention the shocking
difefrent typo
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 10:44, Reply)

can't believe I didn't notice it!

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 10:50, Reply)

Oh
I thought you were being nice
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 10:50, Reply)

I don't think I would have mentioned it
because I was actually being nice. I'm feeling benevolent this morning.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 10:55, Reply)

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 10:27, Reply)

Down by the jetty?
Is that like "Under the boardwalk" by Bruce Willis?
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 10:31, Reply)

No.

(Cave Duck, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 10:32, Reply)

Excellent.
My sister might still have that on vinyl. (Depending on how her and her first husband divided up the record collection.)
Mind you she's unlikely to allow me to look through her records as I don't think she's forgiven for arbitrarily deciding that she no longer wanted an Isley Brothers album and taking it down to Sheridan's Record Exchange (along with my Slade albums) and swapping it for The Slider by T Rex.
(Cave Duck, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 10:40, Reply)

To my eternal shame
I raped my father’s collection for several years before leaving home. Many of which I really wish I’d not sold, many of which I got terrible prices for – I wince when I think of the eighths of shit hash purchased with the proceeds of handing over Sun rockabilly 45s. What a cunt I was
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 10:52, Reply)

That is a shame. They would be lovely things to have, and of course, worth a great deal more now.
But I'm sure we've all acted foolishly in pursuit of something we believe will provide immediate gratification.
(Cave Duck, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:09, Reply)

No
And No. Well, bar 'life' I've been getting away with that for over 35 years - not very well, but busking it all the same.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 10:21, Reply)

no i've seen worse
in fact, i've written much much worse, before Someone says it.

and yes. at work. all the time. although in fairness it's not my cock-ups. my job would be blissfully easy if i didn't have any clients.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 10:23, Reply)

Day off breakfast consists of
Eggy bread and bacon. That is all.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 10:27, Reply)

Nice

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 10:30, Reply)

and now for some xbox before doing nothing for the rest of the day

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 10:35, Reply)

Before that...
Watch this, it's genius!

And no, it's nothing shocking or particularly silly, just someone has covered "Can You Feel The Love Tonight" in power metal styleeeeee.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 10:39, Reply)

Thank you
for making my post DEFINITELY not the most boring in B3ta history.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 10:32, Reply)

you started a whole thread
I am just ensuring it's status as the shittest thread ever is secure.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 10:34, Reply)

its.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 10:35, Reply)

*sings "Liberty Bell"*

(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 10:41, Reply)

Hello, old boy.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 10:46, Reply)

Good morning, old chap
How have things been ticking over in my absence?
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 10:46, Reply)

My review:
'fucking shit'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 10:50, Reply)

Monty isn't talking to me either
:(
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 10:51, Reply)

What did you do to him?
(I don't know, I turn my back for nine days and you're already squabbling...)
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 10:56, Reply)

I have a friend who loves Bowie
She had a picture on her Facebook that I KNOW to send Monty over into apoplectic rage. In the interest of him still talking to me, I'm wondering if I should wheel it out.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 10:56, Reply)

Am I not?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:13, Reply)

Hullo, you
how was France?
(berk, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 10:48, Reply)

Very pleasant, thanks
A week and a half of reasonably good weather and getting rat-arsed on French plonk each night have left me looking slightly more orange and feeling distinctly less irritable. How have you been?
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 10:55, Reply)

I was feeling incredibly bored until my life just turned round and become a million percent better.
Sitting on my desk, fresh from Amazon, is the complete Fry and Laurie DVD box set.

Lunchtime will be gigglesome.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 10:57, Reply)

This is awesome
I wish I could pick it up, but am on a low spending month. Salad and air for me from now on!
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:08, Reply)

My pal burned me the lot, inc pilot
Best birthday present I have ever received, and I once got given a mint copy of 'Are Your Experienced?'...
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:11, Reply)

*sigh*
Don't fancy lending me that so I can copy it?
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:21, Reply)

OK
Gaz me your address - or meet me for a pint?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:28, Reply)

Easily my favourite comedy programme ever.
Enjoy!
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:11, Reply)

Possibly, but then again I am rather dull.
Not really- when I fuck things up they tend to stay fucked. I did manage to sleep though tonight, though it was 4.30 the last time I checked and I was in such a strange state I'd wrapped myself in a bathtowl and was wedged diagonally along the bed.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 10:58, Reply)

Yay cheap stuff!
alt q: no. I always get the guilts and fess up to what I've done.
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:12, Reply)

Were you well enough to vote at the weekend Poppet?
Any thoughts on the election?
(Cave Duck, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:14, Reply)