Todmorden! On Breakfast News!
I only mention it because it looks like the canal path has been well and truly tidied up.
Fit for a bit of right Royal rape.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 8 Sep 2010, 7:59, 92 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Where's your question?
THIS ISN'T STATEMENT OF THE WEEK!
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 8:06, Reply)

Just make one up for yourself.
The answers won't be relevant anyway.
You forget my suggestion of a while back that ALL of my posts be
treated as entirely appropriate for thread-jacking.
Off you go then.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 8 Sep 2010, 8:12, Reply)

it's a bit early,
if you start a thread too much before 9, no one notices it because, well, they're not here.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 8:15, Reply)

Sorry. I'm reet grumpy.
This "Retired man getting up early just because the wife has to go to work" is wearing very thin.
A revolt is on it's way.

PS: You noticed though. Good enough for me.
*Smiles winningly in a mong-like fashion.*
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 8 Sep 2010, 8:25, Reply)

Nonsense
I'm always here early.

Admittedly I'm just one person...
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 8:25, Reply)

I'll ask you a question
How are you today?
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 8 Sep 2010, 8:29, Reply)

I'm ok thanks
I'm still doing early morning overtime to help clear the typing and there are so many dictations by this stupid woman with a speech impediment, it just makes the whole job unpleasant.

I'll be fine once I've had another coffee. And I'm counting down the days to Tenerife!

How are you?
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 8:35, Reply)

Oh, yes, I had forgotten
I have to tell you a few places to go. For how long are you going? Are you renting a car? Where are you staying?

Once I know those 3 things I can tell you plenty of things to do in Tenerife.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 8 Sep 2010, 8:37, Reply)

She's going to be spending the entire time naked on the beach
We heard about this a couple of weeks back.

;-)
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 8:41, Reply)

Oh, well
I hope she's taking enough sun protection with her.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 8 Sep 2010, 8:43, Reply)

I still haven't decided if I will brave the nudist beach K2D2
I'm frightened of camera phones and beautiful people. Wiggy insists it will be full of fat hairy Germans but I'm still a bit apprehensive!

And yes Aber, I will be taking Factor 45 for my ginger skin.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 8:46, Reply)

At Kos I was one of about 3 women wearing a swimsuit on the whole of the island.
Every other women was in a bikini. From 7 to 70 years old.
( girlinthehole, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 8:50, Reply)

I used to wear a bikini as a kid
I felt well grown up, even though it was fluorescent orange and pink and had the little frilly skirt thing around the bottoms.

I always wear a bikini because swimsuits aren't padded so I can't pretend I have boobs. Obviously if I go naked this lie will be exposed anyway!
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 8:54, Reply)

I've never worn a bikini, ever.

( girlinthehole, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 8:58, Reply)

I wear bikinis when I go swimming.
mainly because I can't find one pieces! they don't seem to sell them in this small town.
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 8 Sep 2010, 9:11, Reply)

It annoys me that they stop selling holiday wear over here in August
everything is now winter stuff. People still go on holiday in winter, but it's nearly impossible to find swimwear now.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 9:12, Reply)

I'm sure they'd sell swimwear at the resort.

(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 8 Sep 2010, 9:19, Reply)

or you could order online
there's probably loads of stuff
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 9:21, Reply)

I'm going to look in some of the surfer shops
they usually have year-round swimwear and stuff.

Plus I do already have several bikinis so I shouldn't really buy more. Last year I bought a bikini in La Senza for Newquay and on one day there were 4 other girls wearing the same one, so I should probably avoid buying this-season stuff!
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 9:32, Reply)

I'd like a bikini
but even with the handy link BGB gave me there was nothing to be found
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 9:49, Reply)

did she link Bravissimo?
I've heard good things from my giant boobed friends of that site.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 9:53, Reply)

You should do it
It's a remarkably nice feeling. Although I must admit, I wouldn't get my cock out on a beach full of other people.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 9:29, Reply)

I think I would only do it on a nudists-only beach
rather than the mixed beaches, but I'm still a bit scared, I don't even like getting changed at the gym!
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 9:33, Reply)

It's a different thing
Try it first on an isolated beach, if you can find one. And swim naked too, if you get the chance.

I should say here that I'm not a naturist. I've just tried it once or twice!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 9:37, Reply)

what if a jellyfish stings my bits?!

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 9:52, Reply)

Then they'll hurt
But it's not a likely occurrence. And the risks are outweighed by the pleasure benefits.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 9:54, Reply)

Fat Hairy Germans WITH PIERCINGS!

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 8 Sep 2010, 9:14, Reply)

I'll fit right in!
I'll just hum Deutschland Deutschland Uber Alles.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 9:17, Reply)

we are renting a car, we're going for a week
this is where we're staying: www.fairways-club.com/index.html

I want to go to Loro Park, Wiggy wants to go to the monkey zoo and we both want to climb the volcano mountain thingy, other than that we've not got much planned so any suggestions would be welcomed.

I do want to spend a couple of days lying around reading but having said that I do get bored easily, I'm not a natural beachbabe.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 8:45, Reply)

that's an awful website.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 9:05, Reply)

yeah you're right
I should cancel the whole holiday.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 9:09, Reply)

I wasn't saying that silly.
I'm listening to two women in finance have some petty arguement, it's like a voice version of here.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 9:13, Reply)

I was kidding, I agree the website is shit
It's a timeshare that my parents own so if I hadn't already been there (and if it wasn't a free gift!) I would have been put off by the website.

But the pool has a bar in the middle so I'm happy.

Troll them.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 9:15, Reply)

I can't even put them on ignore :(

(PsychoChomp, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 9:19, Reply)

start humming louder and louder
until you're drowning them out or they're staring at you in silenced confusion.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 9:23, Reply)

start singing Surfing Bird
like Peter Griffin in the episode of Family Guy.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 9:24, Reply)

or stare fixedly at a point over their
left shoulder
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 9:25, Reply)

or both

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 9:29, Reply)

which will cement his reputation as that weird guy in the office

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 9:34, Reply)

you don't think he already has that?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 9:47, Reply)

that's why I said cement
not start. Fuck's sake Vipros, sort yourself out.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 9:48, Reply)

I've got a headache and I feel a bit funny :-(

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 9:49, Reply)

join the club
we have tissues
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 9:50, Reply)

t
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 10:30, Reply)

Aww I'm sorry honey
I didn't mean to shout, it's just early, that's all.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 9:52, Reply)

OK
I just sent you a private message.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 8 Sep 2010, 9:25, Reply)

I've just re-read this and laughed out loud.
Then felt really bad. For you.
An audio-typist taking dictation from a pronuncially challenged woman is just too much.
I'm laughing again.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 8 Sep 2010, 9:11, Reply)

it's the worst kind as well
it's the pronouncing S as SCH, but it also affects words like judgement and challenging, it's just horrible. It's like listening to a Welsh cat hack up hairballs.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 9:17, Reply)

I tried to get the day off to throw eggs at the prince but my dad wouldn't let me : (

( girlinthehole, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 8:28, Reply)

That's so unfair
With all the cuts in spending that are going on, I'm sure the prince would have loved a few extra eggs for breakfast.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 8 Sep 2010, 8:29, Reply)

Which prince?
Is Chas visiting Todmorden today? Or Phil the Greek?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 8:33, Reply)

Chas.
It's all about Todmorden growing food around the town.
( girlinthehole, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 8:35, Reply)

Ah, I see
Hope it's not a windy day then. His ears will act like a wind turbine.

By the way, that Woop Woop thing in your sig - you didn't get that from a David Baldacci book did you?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 8:40, Reply)

No
www.youtube.com/watch?v=wgGGyK22Gm0
( girlinthehole, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 8:42, Reply)

Oh
I'm not up on all this modern beat music...
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 8:44, Reply)

i hate rap
it is fecking shite
( zulu eh?, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 9:24, Reply)

would describe it as rap with a capital C?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 9:25, Reply)

It's funny though.
A middle-aged woman with a rap lyric in her sig. Plus me and my sister shout it everytime we hear a police car.
( girlinthehole, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 9:28, Reply)

I had no idea it was an actual lyric
I just thought it was a Goldie Lookin' Chain thing
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 9:31, Reply)

it was released 17 years ago though
middle-aged women who like rap were going to come about at some point.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 9:31, Reply)

It's a well known fact that as soon as you turn 40 you start to listen to Barry Manilow.

( girlinthehole, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 9:40, Reply)

we shout 5-0
thinking were little hoppers

we're not, actually terribly white and middle class don't you know
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 9:35, Reply)

yes thats right

( zulu eh?, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 9:31, Reply)

Prince Charles was in Bristol yesterday
it's nice to see him take time out of his busy schedule to tell the proles that they should be using energy efficient lightbulbs
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 9:25, Reply)

was he?
he gets around for council scum
( zulu eh?, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 9:33, Reply)

Yup, the bullshit-express pulled into Bristol Temple Meads railway station
never mind the massive job cuts that have hit the city, Charley is here to save the day.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 9:45, Reply)

lets get him looking at the idiots in planning, he can sort out the ring road and all the roadworks
super chaz to the rescue!
( zulu eh?, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 9:49, Reply)

Low energy lightbulbs are getting better
But the 10p ones from Tesco and the like are shite. Much better to spend a bit of cash and get the decent ones. They start instantly, warm up in a couple of seconds and are actually quite bright. I bought six 23W spirals for £11 and they're excellent.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 9:40, Reply)

I have no problem with them, i've been using them for years.

( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 9:47, Reply)

Morning
News:
Scott Pilgrim vs The World is brilliant
Just had a text from the guy we asked to be in the band and he said yes so now we need a name.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 9:34, Reply)

is it better than kick ass?
Kick Ass was absolutely brilliant. Hit Girl for movie character of the century...

Band name, how about - Spanner?
( zulu eh?, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 9:36, Reply)

I preferred it to kick ass
both brilliant though. It really is a class film. Edgar Wright has nailed it. Cannot reccomend it enough or spell reccommend?
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 9:39, Reply)

trailers looked interesting
will have to check it out
( zulu eh?, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 9:42, Reply)

you are commending it to others
so re-commend so one c. HTH!
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 10:43, Reply)

Oh man - I saw that on the weekend.
fucking loved it.
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 8 Sep 2010, 9:39, Reply)

Bobby and the Seahorses

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 9:51, Reply)

I'm the drummer
can't be the title man

but ace name though - quite Motowny
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 9:52, Reply)

Thinking up the band name was always my job, mostly because I was actually shit at playing.
Phlegmfrost
Junta
Mincemeat, Yeah Mincemeat
Fruddle Pup Factor
The Arc Of An Arse
(Cave Duck, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 10:09, Reply)

My biggest band name triumph was getting my old band to agree to Toaster
Superfluous Bastard Alert is my current favourite.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 10:14, Reply)

SBA is good. There must be some cool surfing terms that would make good band names.

(Cave Duck, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 10:18, Reply)

Katrina and the waves

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 10:23, Reply)

my first band at 16 was cas called
the dildo mafia
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 10:32, Reply)

Ellipsis
The Toebones
Bleddyn, The Boy Betrothed
Rag
(Cave Duck, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 10:17, Reply)

How many people in your band?
Because I think it should be

[number of members minus you] Totally Awesome Guys and a Gay Drummer
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 10:16, Reply)

What kind of music will you be molesting?
A name must be appropriate. But as a starter - Kitten Lickers.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 8 Sep 2010, 10:18, Reply)

I like to call it electro funk

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 10:40, Reply)

In that case....
The Warm Brown Feeling.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 8 Sep 2010, 10:54, Reply)

Depends what you're playing, of course,
but I think Bobby and the Child Molesters is probably a good place to start.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 10:19, Reply)

Three
Me on Drums
Dan on Bass
Nick on synthesizers
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 10:39, Reply)

The Scorn Pourers
The Porn Scorers
Tsetse
Testes
Muffled Murmur
(Cave Duck, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 10:22, Reply)

Rohypnol
(Would actually be quite a good name if it didn't have such unpleasant connotations - damn these date-rapists, spoiling a perfectly good word!)
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 10:25, Reply)

that's good.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 10:40, Reply)