RP. Halfy reckons I have the right voice to be an airline pilot. (Despite having no appropriate training otherwise)
I've developed a thing for European accents on women, particularly Eastern European/Russian. (Though conversely, despite having had a thing for Asian women for far longer, the stereotypically squeaky voices do grate dreadfully)

I've tried to be understanding with regional accents, because, depressing though the West Midlands diction is to listen to, they can't really help it. Cockney however, gets on my wick, but not quite as much as fake cockney, and then not quite as much as whatever the juddery fuck that "rudeboi" accent's supposed to be. The latter fucks me right off, not least of all because it's so fucking affected.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:50, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Your accent probably would be very soothing to hear at 10,000 feet
telling people they're all going to die.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:53, Reply)

Well, you wouldn't want to receive the news from say, someone who sounded like Ringo Starr, would you?
"Eh up, fookin' 'ell, this plane's about to crash."
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:55, Reply)

Or Welsh
(actually, I'm cracking up a little thinking about it)
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:58, Reply)

The blu-ddy plane's crrra-shing, bach

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 15:05, Reply)

they made me do the fricking answer machine at work because they're all too common
it's awful.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:55, Reply)

I hold out hope that I might yet be able to make a living out of speaking nicely.

(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:56, Reply)

you could become an advert voiceover
or an audio porn reader.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:58, Reply)

Either suits me
Suspect the former might look better on the CV, but the latter could be a hell of a lot more fun. Especially if I can sneak my Brian Blessed impression into it just at a crucial moment where the listener is likely to spaff.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 15:00, Reply)

Lady Antonia Fraser removed her chemise...
let's hope she doesn't google herself on a regular basis
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 15:00, Reply)

...and the stirring in the Permanent Under-secretary's y-fronts went from a quivering bulge to a
veritable flagpole. He scratched hungrily at the fabric of his taut trousers as her breasts trembled in her 34D cup bra. As she leaned closer to him he threw caution to the wind and unsheathed his spam javelin, thrashing it around like a man urgently trying to signal "Oh, yes!" in semaphore.

Then he totally did her up the arse so hard there was a bit of undigested sweetcorn on the end of his nob and his mum came and left them both a cup of tea when it sounded like they'd finished. Needless to say, this actually happened.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 15:07, Reply)

someone gaz Rob, we've come up with the idea for his next book.
b3taporn.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 15:09, Reply)

Haha, there's probably enough material floating around qotw for a whole encyclopaedia

(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 15:10, Reply)

Surely that's just Fetish Week again?

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 15:11, Reply)

ugh
I couldn't bring myself to read that, it was cringeworthy.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 15:19, Reply)

Needless to say, they had the last laugh

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 15:21, Reply)

I don't think there was even a first...

(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 15:27, Reply)

r
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 15:38, Reply)

I heard the first bit as Brian Blessed, then flipped to Vicky Pollard for the ending.
That sounds worrying.
(edit - maybe Nick Parsons for the last sentence, too.)
(BrianHequator was stretching owls, on, or around, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 15:11, Reply)

The honourable Lady Antonia
sighed in satiation, and her magnificent breasts heaved. "That certainly hit a spot," she said with aristocratic relish in her voice.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 15:12, Reply)

We should totally collaborate on an erotic novel.

(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 15:14, Reply)

I read that in a 'Valley girl' accent.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 15:15, Reply)

Sorry, I find I lapse into it after all the time I spent overdubbing the dialogue
for 'Torchwood,' after Russell T "I'm so gay and Welsh" Davis complained that the Welsh people didn't sound Welsh enough for his target audience of Welsh Gays.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 15:16, Reply)

I think it would be the most erotic thing
since a nice firm bit of sliced bread
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 15:21, Reply)

If we sell it as an audiobook,
I'll find a way to say "sliced bread" that will have gentlemen spaffing spontaneously in their pants and ladies paddling their pink canoe as though they had unexpectedly drifted into white-water rapids.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 15:23, Reply)

Excellent work
do you want to read the audio book all by yourself?
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 15:24, Reply)

If you feel you can do it justice, then by all means come into the booth with me
I will not be held responsible for any side effects you may experience in the process.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 15:25, Reply)

It's going to be a bestseller in the world of audio books
though Stephen Fry might be annoyed that his venerable talents have not been put to use
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 15:29, Reply)

I use to read for a charity called newspapers for the blind.
We would hightlight interesting bits of news in the papers and then go into a sound booth to read them and copy onto a load of cassettes.

Then we would go for dinner and get stoned.
( girlinthehole, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 15:29, Reply)

since I'm sure there'll be
an innocent Lancashire lass somewhere in the book, and you have prior experience, do join in
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 15:32, Reply)

I like where this is going.

(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 15:32, Reply)

Seduced by the under-secretary
in a suprise reversal of Lady Chatterly's Lover. Swept off his feet by her powerful arms
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 15:33, Reply)

"Oh, yes," he stammered
as he realised what a superb view of her shapely buttocks he had from the secure position of her fireman's lift.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 15:36, Reply)

This made me laugh far too hard

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 15:38, Reply)

Laugh? Laugh?!?
This is supposed to be EROTIC, woman!
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 15:39, Reply)

Oops I'll remedy that
'Alreet soir," she said huskily. "It woon't be a cup of tea you'll want arfter this." And with that she tossed him down on the grassy meadow and promptly got to work."
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 15:41, Reply)

And get to work she did,
as she fell upon him, caressing and fondling his pasty, delicate frame. Pinned to the ground, he felt his temperature rise, his blood surge.

He wriggled free and, leaping upon her with passionate fervour, yelled "En Garde!" and slapped her back and forth across the face with his engorged tadger. As she moaned in a vaguely sensual way, he murmured
"Oh, you love it, don't you, you dirty bitch?"
She breathed heavily and siad,
"Actually, that's...kind of annoying. I only just washed my hair this morning."
"Oh. Sorry..." he replied sheepishly.
"Just get behind me and give me a good ramming."
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 15:56, Reply)

"With pleasure miss," he said
gratifying her with the delicacy of his address, to one of her low station (hands and knees,) and with the alacrity indeed of one of her father's sheep, thrust himself with close to criminal force and hitting his mark with ease.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 15:59, Reply)

That sounds like a really nice job, actually.
Though I'd have to restrain myself from putting in surprise Brian Blessed impressions halfway through the less exciting stories.

(Or just sneaking some of my and Amberl's erotic novel in there.)
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 15:32, Reply)

It was,
Took me a while to get into the whole hearing yourself taped thing.
( girlinthehole, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 15:45, Reply)

And how often did you succumb to the temptation to slip words such as
"Knackers"
into the recording?
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 15:57, Reply)

Valley girl, not 'Valleys', lad.
'You know, like we should like TOTALLY like you know 'collaborate'?'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 15:28, Reply)

Second elementary error in as many days
I'm beginning to wonder if that homebrew actually addled my brain after all...
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 15:29, Reply)

Pronounced
TOADILLY
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 15:30, Reply)

SHYAH. LIKE, TOADILLY.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 15:36, Reply)

in her voice all over her magnificent arse
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 15:14, Reply)

oh wow winner, please edit this collaboration they've done

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 15:16, Reply)

I was the 'your call is important to us' voice
At the last place I worked because they decided I sounded less like a Bristolian than anyone else in the building.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:58, Reply)

haha I love calling local businesses the Bristol accent is tip top
We have a quality regional accent
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 15:00, Reply)

I only 'go' Bristolian at 3pm on a Saturday at Ashton Gate
Or when I'm drunk. Apparently.

I'm sure people from elsewhere in the country would spot my accent immediately, but in amongst the natives, I apparently sound like a 'visitor'.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 15:04, Reply)

Not really
I never want to hear an airline pilot or a surgeon with a Bristol accent, especially if they are about to fly me somewhere/tinker in my brain.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 15:06, Reply)

Same thing happened to me when I worked in Bristol
I was the only one who didn't sound like they had just fallen off a tractor
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:59, Reply)

it's tracker
we don't pronounce the second t.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 15:01, Reply)

Yet "idea" has an "L" added to the end
what's up with that?
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 15:04, Reply)

See "Krek Waiter's Peak Bristle"
Well worth a read.
(edit - not Brizzle at the end, d'oh)
(BrianHequator was stretching owls, on, or around, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 15:05, Reply)

Or YouTube
Terry the oddjob Man
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 15:05, Reply)

That second L makes up for the T we ignore in Tractor.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 15:05, Reply)

Oi can't read or wroite,
bu' tha' don' really ma'er
coz Oi suppor' Blackburn Rovers
an' Oi can droive a tra'er.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 15:10, Reply)

Bristol Rovers
come on Kitty

(that's not an instruction)
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 15:17, Reply)

I grew up in Lancashire
so it was Blackburn Rovers where I was.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 15:20, Reply)

You have the look of an airline pilot.
Tall, dark and assured.
( girlinthehole, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:56, Reply)

I didn't think crows mixed well with jet engines.

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 15:00, Reply)

Not normally, but I'm a dab hand in a cockpit

(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 15:00, Reply)

you've got one of all your own

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 15:02, Reply)