Wow!
(I think, I'm not completely sure of what you mean, but if you're smug, then things went well)
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Fri 10 Sep 2010, 8:54, 1 reply, 14 years ago)

I went to sleep at 5am.
I am dying.
I will die happy.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 8:55, Reply)

It took 8 hours of begging to get her to bed?

(PsychoChomp, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:05, Reply)

That's called foreplay in my house.

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:07, Reply)

Then a couple more to reinforce the bed and fit her in it

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:08, Reply)

No
I made an inappropriate joke after 5 minutes, and she locked me out of my house. I tried to sleep in the park, it wasn't easy.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:09, Reply)

doesn't explain the happiness though...
did you bugger a tramp?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:15, Reply)

I thought it rude not to
seeing as he offered to share his cardboard box home and cider-effect drink with me.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:17, Reply)

Well at least you got some sex in the park.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:15, Reply)

He was an even more sensitive lover than you were last Thursday.
I'm so lucky *sigh*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:18, Reply)

Did you leave her simmering in The Fritzl Suite?
Hermetically sealed and ready to obey.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:10, Reply)

She'd better do the fucking washing up before she lets herself out,
that's all I'm saying.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:13, Reply)

Absolutely.
Dried and put away before the ex pops round to tidy up your shredded letters.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:16, Reply)

I gave a cheeky thumbs up
to the concealed camera on my way out of the house this morning.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:17, Reply)

*Turns on live feed*
*Reviews dirty dishes, makes notes*
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:25, Reply)

sounds like a great night.
You can sleep tonight, you'll be fine. I'm glad for you.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:12, Reply)

Have you set up a re-match?
Well done btw.
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:13, Reply)

Not possible.
She's dead now.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:19, Reply)

Ah well. At least you can do a Nielsen & sleep with her corpse for company

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:20, Reply)

I've already started work on a skin-suit.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:22, Reply)

Ah the Jame Lumb approach. Like it.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:24, Reply)

That's not normally an issue for you, is it?
or are the pieces too small this time?
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:24, Reply)

heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrggggggggggggh
bllllllllllleeeeeeeeeeuuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh

COME ON PEOPLE, I MEAN COME ON. This is Becky we're talking about here, the easiest B3tan ever to have lived, he hasn't scaled Everest for christ's sake, he's just one on now more than half a dozen of us who have been subjected to her oversized clitoris.

Honestly, it's like a soggy aubergine.

Signed,

The Best She EVER Had
(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:24, Reply)

and finally we have the confirmation. Hi Bert.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:25, Reply)

I mean seriously though, what do you expect with this kind of sickening provocation
I could take the insults, the whinging and the getting UPSET ONLINE, but acting like mounting Becky is some sort of valid achievement is just too much.

Come on people, really.
(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:26, Reply)

It wasn't becky, you've outed yourself for nothing.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:27, Reply)

I don't care, I just wanted to say Soggy Aubergine

(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:28, Reply)

say Soggy Aubergine get beckys attention
(PsychoChomp, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:29, Reply)

bleeeeeeeeeeeeeuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrgh

(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:29, Reply)

Super outing
glad I caught the tailend of this
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:34, Reply)

It was only a matter of time.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:25, Reply)

No it isn't, Bert.
Now please leave the internet.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:26, Reply)

Ok.

(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:27, Reply)

Typical Mince!!! *rolls eyes*

( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 16:51, Reply)

How did you feel
when despite your best efforts, your shit new login was rumbled after about an hour due to your crippling personality disorder shining through?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:30, Reply)

I felt awesome, just like I felt every time you mention my name
It's nice to know that somebody's infatuated with you, it's appreciated Monty, it really is
(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:31, Reply)

Everytime someone says your name?

(PsychoChomp, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:33, Reply)

every time somebody mentions my name I get a massive hard-on

(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:34, Reply)

well you say massive

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:34, Reply)

So if I said,
look bert, everyone, literally everyone knows you ****** your ******
(PsychoChomp, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:35, Reply)

awesome, isn't it?
I mean I told Becky that because I felt bad for what I had done to her, I felt awful knowing what I had done and that I had allowed her near me, only to the be told that she had been through something similar, and knew that telling her was the right thing to do, so the fact that she's now told everyone, well that's just not cricket.
(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:37, Reply)

So why don't you come round to my house then?
we can be friends
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:38, Reply)

You posted it on here yourself you fucking Asperger.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:38, Reply)

did I? Where?

(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:39, Reply)

You really do have mental problems don't you?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:41, Reply)

show me where, Monty, show me where

(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:42, Reply)

No problem.
Up there *points to head*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:45, Reply)

it is like a floppy aubergine though, isn't it?
I bet it put you off a little bit, go on, admit it
(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:52, Reply)

I'd feel an ounce of sympathy
if you hadn't alienated everyone who ever liked you by being a massive spastic. P.s. becky never told me a thing
(PsychoChomp, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:40, Reply)

And if you hadn't fucked your sister.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:41, Reply)

long lost half sister, actually
who I had only known for about a year, befriended, and cared for deeply, if I had ever had any inkling at all that she felt that way about me I would have ran a mile, instead I made the biggest mistake of my life and will forever punish myself for it.
(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:43, Reply)

You bragged about it on here
saying it was the best sex you'd ever had, you repulsive little turd.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:44, Reply)

where?!

(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:45, Reply)

the alienating myself is deliberate, it's all part of the 24/7/365 self punishment regime

(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:41, Reply)

Technically
that should be 24/7/52
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:45, Reply)

you're absolutely right, I apologise
24/7/52/365
(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:46, Reply)

You expect to live for another 365 years?
You are Methuselah AICMFP.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:47, Reply)

Nice autism here

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:47, Reply)

As I said
1) weird Rain Man repetitive shit posts
2) cause offence
3) unable to maintain it, start backpedalling and claiming you're alright really
4) get told to fuck off
5) rinse and repeat
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:34, Reply)

you forgot the bit where I feel all sorry for myself, ask for forgiveness and say 'but honestly, I'm a nice guy really'

(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:35, Reply)

That's point 3 you witless spastic

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:35, Reply)

ok

(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:38, Reply)

well I'm just shit at this identifying people business aren't I?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:36, Reply)

nah, you're alright Vipros
I'm actually chart cat doing a really good Bert impression
(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:37, Reply)

fuck off Chart Cat

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:38, Reply)

will the lies never end :(

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:39, Reply)

they will not

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:40, Reply)

Only because I will never be right again
ahem, told you so.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:42, Reply)

I hold my hands up.
I was wrong. I could see where you were coming from, but I didn't agree.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:43, Reply)

pah
I was blindly sure like a mad zealot. More luck than judgement. I have the first official new band practice tonight. I'd be excited if I didn't feel like death.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:48, Reply)

had a brilliant practice last night
3 or 4 new songs, all really good plus a psychedelic freakout
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:50, Reply)

Myself and Dan, the bass player,
have the bones of 4 potential new songs and several we could rework from the last band. But having no guitar and only a special DJ will be interesting.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:53, Reply)

psychedelic freakouts ftw

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:55, Reply)

you would have been proud
best wah-wah action I've ever done by a long way
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:59, Reply)

Good boy.
You should listen to Uncle Harry's Last Freakout (recorded live at the Roundhouse '75) by the Pink Fairies.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:07, Reply)

I will do so

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:08, Reply)

One day you'll say the same about Ian Dury.

(Cave Duck, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:57, Reply)

Ha!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:05, Reply)

NEVER!

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:06, Reply)

Why don't you get help?

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:41, Reply)

Here you go Bert:
assistedsuicide.org/blog/2006/02/06/how-to-contact-dignitas-in-switzerland/
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:42, Reply)

cheers monty, I've googled 'suicide' more times than I could care to mention
but all that brings up is support websites, and it's not like I actually have the decency or the courage to go through with it
(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:45, Reply)

I've had two lots of counselling, loads of GP visits etc
and they all say I'm fine :/
(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:44, Reply)

They are badly wrong.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:46, Reply)

I know, right?

(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:47, Reply)

Yeah, The counselling only works if you tell the truth about yourself
And GP are only interested if you are about to top yourself.

Seriously, look inside yourself, and work out if what you see is worth saving.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:47, Reply)

Oh I've been doing that for years, there's absolutely nothing there worth keeping
Through it all I have still somehow managed to remain a good, constant father in my daughter's life, but obviously I have betrayed her and let her down in a really big way. When she's old enough I'll tell her what I did and she probably won't understand, but I couldn't not tell her.

Actually, scratch that, I may not be the richest dad in the world, but I'd like to think that despite all my faults and my massive mstakes, I'm a better father than most, I spend more time with my little girl than any other father I know. I devoted and dedicated myself to her the day she was born, I may have let her down, but I will always be there for her.
(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:51, Reply)

Ok.
I would say, that although you are a good father, the effort you are putting in, probably with other aspects of your life, is causing you much pain and anguish. You are barely functioning, and you need to sort it, otherwise you will soon stop being the good father you want to be.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:58, Reply)

I passed that, Bart, well on my way to fixing most aspects of my utterly destroyed life and mental health
(ok, maybe just the life bit), it's a matter of coping with the single thought that bounces around in my head, haunting and tearing me apart, totally preventing me from allowing myself to get close to anyone, but I can live with it now, I can hold conversations, I can carry on at work and stick to it, I can appear normal to anyone who doesn't scratch the surface
(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:01, Reply)

I am laughing like a drain reading your miserable,
self-pitying drivel.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:05, Reply)

there's no self pity here, mont
I know what I am, I know what I did and I'm just telling it like it is
(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:07, Reply)

You're kid will grow up to realise you're a fecking loser as well
and that's the shame of it. As much as you pretend it's all an act you're fucking unhinged and the innocent party, YOUR DAUGHTER, will suffer in the long run. Do her a favour Bert and sort your fucking head out before you ruin her life as well you selfish mentalist.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:59, Reply)

Agree.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:00, Reply)

sort your fucking head out
with a 12-bore
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:04, Reply)

I'd have thought we'd had quite enough of the bores, thanks

(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:05, Reply)

Bobby, I can see how you have come to this conclusion because of the way I act here
but offline I am a very different person, I get on well with my colleagues, work hard, earn a half decent wage and spend a lot of time with my little girl. She adores me almost as much as I do her, she is my best friend and I would do anything for her, she makes me happy, and I go out of my way to do good things for her every single day, she is my life.

The only way that I could possibly be hurting her right now is that I'm not able to form lasting relationships with anyone, whether it's with friends or women (I am seeing somebody, but there's not much hope I will allow it continue much longer), but I always have and always will dedicate myself to ehr.
(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:05, Reply)

I didn't once say I gave a fuck
if if she has your genes she will prob be a cunt too but let her have a chance. It may be cathartic for you to use us as cheap help but I have zero interest in you.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:09, Reply)

Offline you FUCKED YOUR SISTER.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:10, Reply)

long lost half sister, who I really cared about
and whom I'm fairly sure was only after me that way either because of GSA, or because her dad had jsut walked out on her, and I was merely the younger, nicer version of him who happened to be around at the time.

I was going to confess all this on QOTW the other week, it's very cathartic. I held my hands up to it, took my punishment and will forever use it as an excuse to tear myself to shreds on a daily basis. Nothing you could say will ever come close to what I have already convinced myself of.

Seriously though, floppy aubergine, yeah?
(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:15, Reply)

Whom I really cared about.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:22, Reply)

I also spelled 'just' wrong
jsut for you
(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:23, Reply)

Jesus fucking christ, listen to yourself.
You'll be fucking her too as soon as she hits her teens.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:15, Reply)

As if he hasn't already
Poor kid needs Esther Ransons direct dial tattooed to her forehead
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:18, Reply)

I wouldn't do that, ever
I made a mistake's all. My little girl is, and will grow up to be a far better, much more well-adjusted person than I ever will be because I can see the signs, I know what to look for and I know that most of my problems are inherited.
(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:21, Reply)

I don't give a fuck
you will rape her and kill her before killing yourself. That's all I need to know about you.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:23, Reply)

I'm coming round your house for Scrabble aren't I?

(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:30, Reply)

you have my address
If you decide that the help of a stranger is what you need. Come round. I will give you 5 minutes to convince me you are normal before calling a doctor.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:33, Reply)

ok, I'll pop round at some point
might even bring the little 'un, and you'll see that actually I'm a fairly normal bloke and we'll hug it out like men
(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:35, Reply)

I'd rather you didn't
I see enough child abuse in text books I don't want to rush into experiencing the real thing.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:40, Reply)

Fred fucking West
was a better, much more well-adjusted person than you ever will be
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:25, Reply)

probably, Monty
but at least I, despite mistakes of gigantic proportions, still get to spend three days a week being a good dad. Have you ever done that once in your daughter's entire life?
(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:30, Reply)

Nah, I adore her
but unlike a long-long relative, it's a family kind of love, not a complete stranger who you feel like you already know, who you trust more than you ever should have, just because they seem oddly familiar
(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:19, Reply)

Good for you.
You also clearly possess a certain wit and intelligence.
It's very difficult, particularly as a relative newcomer, to undersand, or to offer anything other than the worst kind of cliched cod-psychobabble so I'll just wish you all the best.
(Cave Duck, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:05, Reply)

cheers caveduck, nicely appreciated

(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:08, Reply)

GAAAAAAAAAAAAY

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:16, Reply)

loving your work

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:24, Reply)

I'm so happy I stuck to my guns with you on this. Well done on last night btw. If it makes you feel better
I am dying like you today.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:37, Reply)

Ha. We could of got final confirmation sooner if you'd got your nuts wet a few days ago MB

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:33, Reply)

Honestly, it's like stepping into a flooded garage

(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:34, Reply)

I wondered why you weren't rude to me.
Now I know.
( girlinthehole, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:39, Reply)

Who are you?

(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:40, Reply)

Nobody important really.

( girlinthehole, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:45, Reply)

Internet Lie.

(Cave Duck, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:45, Reply)

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:45, Reply)

that's really hurtful

(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:56, Reply)