Like Mr. TheDogFucker here,
my childhood was idyllic. One of the reasons I was reluctant to become a father for so long was that I felt (quite correctly) that I would be unable to give a child of my own the wonderful upbringing I was so lucky to have.

It all went to shit when I was 18, sadly - my father's now on marriage no.3, my brother's an alcoholic, my mother's a lesbian*, my sister has HIV and my own child comes from a home that was ‘broken’ before she was even born. No wonder I am such miserable old cunt.

*I don’t object to this at all but am not looking forward to explaining to my daughter why she has three grandmas.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 22 Sep 2010, 11:46, 5 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

That does explain some of the misery.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 22 Sep 2010, 11:49, Reply)

Nature v nurture argument there
I loved growing up - my Mam and Dad are cool and didn't stop me from doing stuff or badger me into working at school. Basically, if I fucked it up, it was my fault
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 22 Sep 2010, 11:50, Reply)

Three grandmas = more presents

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 22 Sep 2010, 11:50, Reply)

True.
Every year it'll be a toy doll from one. The other two will gift a trip to a foundry or something.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 22 Sep 2010, 11:54, Reply)

That would be a great present.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 22 Sep 2010, 11:57, Reply)

A foundry trip would be cool.
Or a visit to a lesbian jeans factory.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Wed 22 Sep 2010, 12:02, Reply)

Wait a sec, what Bert was saying about your sister having HIV was true?
What a vile man he is.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 22 Sep 2010, 11:53, Reply)

that is what made him such a horrible cunt

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 22 Sep 2010, 11:56, Reply)

And all this time I thought he was joking...
What a cunt.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 22 Sep 2010, 11:58, Reply)

^^ This

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 22 Sep 2010, 14:02, Reply)

Bert really shouldn't have posted that - it's Monty's choice alone if he chooses to mention it.
I think this is why Cr3 banned him again.
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 22 Sep 2010, 11:57, Reply)

Sheesh catch up Gonzarooney
Bert was created by mixing Bono's hair in a large vat of devil sweat with a pope hat
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 22 Sep 2010, 11:57, Reply)

have you heard this one?
you don't have to be good at anagrams to know that Pope Benedict is an epic bent pedo
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 22 Sep 2010, 12:00, Reply)

My favourite:
The pope was recently interviewed by GQ magazine. When asked what his preferred grooming products were he replied "Haribo and Smarties"
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 22 Sep 2010, 12:04, Reply)

Haha

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 22 Sep 2010, 12:07, Reply)

nice

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 22 Sep 2010, 12:09, Reply)

Bert in
"massive sociopathic cunt" shocker.
( Kroney, Wed 22 Sep 2010, 12:00, Reply)

Yup.
She was doing charity work in Namibia, was kidnapped, held to ransom and repeatedly raped.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 22 Sep 2010, 12:10, Reply)

no words
that's terrible, and Bert is the biggest of cunts
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 22 Sep 2010, 12:11, Reply)

Huh
I didn't realise the full scope of his cuntishness. I'm feeling a certain tendency toward violence at the moment.
( Kroney, Wed 22 Sep 2010, 12:13, Reply)

I aged 100 years the day her letter arrived tell me about it.
It’s affected me more than I can put into words. To the point that (utterly irrationally) when I see reports of famine and war in Africa I just think ‘good – fucking die, you animals’. My rational brain is overridden by a seething hatred that I have absolutely no control over.

Kind of explains why I had such a massive problem with Bert, does it not?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 22 Sep 2010, 12:17, Reply)

I think you were quite mild with Bert considering the context

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 22 Sep 2010, 12:19, Reply)

complete explanation
right there
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 22 Sep 2010, 12:19, Reply)

I don't think anyone has to justify their problem with Bert
But he did manage to take online cuntery to extreme new heights.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 22 Sep 2010, 12:19, Reply)

This is quite understandable
How is she coping now?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 22 Sep 2010, 12:20, Reply)

Pretty well.
She’s been happily married to a really, really lovely chap for some years now. Medically she’s doing fine – she’s only had to switch drugs once so far (eventually, as far as I understand it, they all stop working and that’s when you become ill and die), and she is on a fast-track career in the police and is pretty happy. Her life’s less of a mess than mine, actually.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 22 Sep 2010, 12:26, Reply)

Good - sounds like she is cool
This is as happy an ending to this story as you could hope
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 22 Sep 2010, 12:29, Reply)

I'm lost for words old boy.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 22 Sep 2010, 12:24, Reply)

Explains why I despise the human race, eh?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 22 Sep 2010, 12:35, Reply)

It goes some way in that direction.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 22 Sep 2010, 12:41, Reply)

Fucking hell mate
I remember the day it first came up, it was the first time in years I was lost for words.

I'm glad she's doing well now though, that's fantastic.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 22 Sep 2010, 12:35, Reply)

Fucking hell.
That's awful.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 22 Sep 2010, 12:16, Reply)

'Ello Monty.
How's you?
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Wed 22 Sep 2010, 11:58, Reply)

Fucking ACE, dear boy. You?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 22 Sep 2010, 12:09, Reply)