Dear Miraclefish's neighbour's girlfriend:
Next time, why not try not reversing into his motorcycle and causing £3,375 worth of damage by looking behind the car, you dozy fucking wench.

Bah.

Alt Q. What paintful death would you like to inflict on insurance companies who take seven weeks to get back to you and inform you that, yes, your lovely motorcycle is proper fucked and no, you can't have any money yet because they've misplaced the paperwork?

Alt Q2. What additional revenge would you plan if they still attempted to cancel the insurance and collect the hire bike despite having done fuck all about your broken bike?
(Miraclefish How appropriate, you fight like a cow, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 17:54, 109 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I did thread step you
But I've been polite and deleted it (it probably didn't deserve it's own thread anyway).

But.

I'm going to the pub this evening. With a GIRL.

Beat that.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 17:58, Reply)

You can't beat girls, Jeff.
Not anymore. They've got the vote and everything now.
(Miraclefish How appropriate, you fight like a cow, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 18:01, Reply)

What breed? Labrador? German Shepherd?

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 18:03, Reply)

Is it your sister?
If so, don't do a Bert. You'll be put on a register.
(Miraclefish How appropriate, you fight like a cow, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 18:04, Reply)

Is it 'Petra' from Blue Peter?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 18:05, Reply)

no he's dug up Blondi - she smells a bit but he likes that

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 18:07, Reply)

Is it a raisin?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 18:07, Reply)

To all of the above.
It's a HUMAN GIRL. A proper one, with lumps and bumps in all the right places.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 18:26, Reply)

I meant 'are you going on a raisin?'

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 18:27, Reply)

Haha
You and crazy expressions.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 18:28, Reply)

I don't know.
If it's a date or not.

She may have sent the same text to twenty people, she may have just texted me. I'll find out when I get to the pub.

I'll be putting on a nice clean shirt and wearing aftershave, just in case it is a date.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 18:31, Reply)

A wise move

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 18:35, Reply)

I'm not going to wear and trousers or pants though.
It'll make things easier if she fancies a fiddle.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 18:38, Reply)

Bare-bum the Bandit!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 18:44, Reply)

That is almost a 'Dad Joke'

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 18:47, Reply)

It's a mum joke

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 18:51, Reply)

It's a SHIT joke.
1-0 To the DogFucker.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 18:53, Reply)

It wasn't a joke at all
It's what you call someone with no knicks on.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 18:57, Reply)

What do you call someone with no top on?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 18:59, Reply)

Titty Faloll

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 19:16, Reply)

hahaha
Right. I'm off to the boozer!
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 19:23, Reply)

Have fun!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 19:24, Reply)

Eh?
She caused £3,375 worth of damage by looking behind the car?

I've heard of looks that could kill before, but never looks that could mangle machinery.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 18:04, Reply)

This jsut demonstrates
how shit motorbikes are, even when stationary on a driveway.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 18:09, Reply)

or how shit some people are at reversing cars.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 18:10, Reply)

You spelt it right
*sigh of relief*
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 18:11, Reply)

he hasn't spelt just correctly though

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 18:11, Reply)

That's a slip of the sausage fingers,
not a spelling mistake.
I forgive that.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 18:12, Reply)

My fingers are still trembling
after that photoshopping I did of you yesterday.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 18:13, Reply)

I'm not surprised
The one with the police woman was one thing, but the one with the bear must have taken you ages.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 18:14, Reply)

I'm quivering all over
It's a self-portrait, right?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 18:16, Reply)

It was an exact copy of DJTPs

(Bazongaloid, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 18:17, Reply)

No it wasn't
because my face is still visible.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 18:20, Reply)

It's not out of scale, you're just very close

(Bazongaloid, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 18:22, Reply)

I can't work that one out

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 18:24, Reply)

I enjoy being a pedant.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 18:14, Reply)

'Stationary' I presume?

(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 18:13, Reply)

No
'motorbikes'.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 18:17, Reply)

Oh
Not 'driveway'?
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 18:18, Reply)

nor 'shit'.

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 18:21, Reply)

She reversed into it without looking. Or looked and then reversed
Either way, it's proper fucked.
(Miraclefish How appropriate, you fight like a cow, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 18:15, Reply)

Woooo!
Maybe you should get a decent mode of transport.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 18:18, Reply)

I would but I had to sell my Reliant Robin after it set on fire and I couldn't be arsed to rebuild the engine for three years.
Also I now live in London where owning a car is mental.
(Miraclefish How appropriate, you fight like a cow, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 18:23, Reply)

What's wrong with motorbikes?
I miss mine. Some thieving scally cunt in Bristol nicked it :(
(berk, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 18:23, Reply)

It was a shit bike as well.
I don't know why I bothered. If you want it back, I dumped it in the Feeder.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 18:28, Reply)

I want to have a chinese baby, can anyone help me with this?

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 18:22, Reply)

Either a chinese man
Or a thief.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 18:23, Reply)

sorry, should have said "any of you"

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 18:25, Reply)

Why?
Is it for your party?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 18:28, Reply)

*gasp*
looooooooook
don't you want one of your own?
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 18:34, Reply)

They don't stay like that forever you know.

(MissFlee tried again on, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 18:36, Reply)

really?
are you trying to tell me that children grow into adults?
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 18:53, Reply)

Not really.
What would you do with one?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 18:40, Reply)

awesome things
like having tea parties and playing at the park and cuddling and I'd teach it things and comfort it
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 18:54, Reply)

Surely the sort of parties you host aren't suitable for babies
Chinese or otherwise?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 18:57, Reply)

they're babies, they don't know the difference

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 18:59, Reply)

Are you honestly suggesting you'd like to get a Chinese baby
That you'd then introduce to your friends at a sex-toy party?

How would you introduce them?

'Now ladies, I want to introduce two VERY special products this evening. Here we have Ying and Yang. Note, they ARE Chinese, but these are actually babies and not Chinese Love Beads. So don't try sticking them in your vadge. They've just made the joruney the other way!'

It has all the makings of a classic British farce.

'Carry on Chinky'
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 19:12, Reply)

even if I had the necessary...ingredients....she wouldn't be ready by the time of the party

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 19:18, Reply)

Maybe you should buy a Harley V-Rod and then they'll take you seriously
Or a Fatboy.

They'll presume you're huge, with a beard, in a gang and they'll give you whatever you want.

Its worth a try. If it didn't work you could sell me the Harley for 50p and a bag of sweets?
(MissFlee tried again on, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 18:39, Reply)

Why would Miraclefish
Want to pay money to hang around with a fat bloke?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 18:43, Reply)

Maybe he has nothing better to do? Could be useful in scaring the neighbours.
Also, they're bloody good looking bikes.
(MissFlee tried again on, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 18:45, Reply)

Birds can be bikes
Men can be blokes.

That's my understanding.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 18:45, Reply)

excuse me?
Are you referring to me as a bike? :O
(MissFlee tried again on, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 18:57, Reply)

I've since googled
And I now understand a Fatboy to be a motorcycle. That is where I was getting confused.

(In no way was I calling you a bike, I was referring to all women. In general).
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 19:10, Reply)

That makes me feel much better.

(MissFlee tried again on, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 19:21, Reply)

*Beams*
(But had probably missed yet another point)
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 19:24, Reply)

They made me ride a Harley for a feature once.
Thankfully I escaped with my sexuality intact....just.

Ooh, tassled panniers? How devine!
(Miraclefish How appropriate, you fight like a cow, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 19:07, Reply)

POIDH
;)
(MissFlee tried again on, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 19:22, Reply)

There is one picture that's a bit mincey...
www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=104585&id=504794782&l=314b87980f
(Miraclefish How appropriate, you fight like a cow, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 19:31, Reply)

Thats a whole album... though I'm not one to complain.
I do prefer these though;

www.topspeed.com/motorcycles/motorcycle-reviews/harley-davidson/2006-harley-davidson-vrsca-v-rod-ar3108.html
(MissFlee tried again on, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 19:36, Reply)

Too much polishing. They're for Chromosexuals.
Had some ace times on the Street-Rod. Shit at cornering, ace at pulling 300m rear wheel slides in the rain.
(Miraclefish How appropriate, you fight like a cow, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 19:38, Reply)

They're just not pretty enough.

(MissFlee tried again on, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 19:40, Reply)

jeff have you gone?
If you have its fine because I've just remembered the answer to the question I was going to ask you
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 18:45, Reply)

What was the question?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 18:46, Reply)

what was the name of that antiques thing i should watch

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 18:47, Reply)

Pawn Stars
Is it's name.

It's like Cash Converters meets the Antiques Roadshow.

Get involved.

EDIT: www.youtube.com/user/PawnStarsOnline#p/u
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 18:47, Reply)

ive just searched on youtube 1600 hits
And I'm going to go watch some now!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 18:49, Reply)

Let me know what you think.
I'll not be going out for half an hour.

(One episode features someone with the BIGGEST collection of Transformers shit you've ever seen)
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 18:52, Reply)

i may try start at the beginning!

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 18:57, Reply)

Jedi you not.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 19:00, Reply)

haha its awesome! bought a freeking cannon!

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 19:25, Reply)

Every episode has some mental stuff in it.
You enjoy it TGB. It's shit. But watchable shit.

(And you get to call and fat people you meet Chumlee)

I await a full verdict tomorrow.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 19:31, Reply)

Shouldn't you be wooing ?

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 19:38, Reply)

He loves us more

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 19:39, Reply)

Can't blame him we are the shit.
It's too wet for drums evening plans scuppered. Any suggestions.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 19:41, Reply)

Come and clean my flat?
I'm too tired.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 19:43, Reply)

Only if I can dress as Freddie mercury
In drag and sing queen songs
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 19:45, Reply)

Of course!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 19:46, Reply)

Transformers shit
Do they poo nuts and old spanners?
(Miraclefish How appropriate, you fight like a cow, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 19:33, Reply)

I've had to rescue a dog from the canal.
How's that for excitment.
( girlinthehole, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 19:36, Reply)

Oh my god how?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 19:36, Reply)

Biscuit fell in : (
She's not keen on water and me and my mum were yapping and didn't notice her fall in. She was paddling for all she was worth until I managed to drag her out.

Benji fell in a week ago but he could swin ok. He just couldn't get out.
( girlinthehole, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 19:39, Reply)

Jesus
Tell them to stop falling in now
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 19:39, Reply)

I noes!
I was a little bit hysterical to be honest. I just saw her little face and ran towards the edge of the canal to drag her out.
( girlinthehole, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 19:41, Reply)

I'd be in bits
Animals evoke more sympathy from me than humans
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 19:43, Reply)

I keep thinking I could never jump in the canal because I hate water like that.
But I would have done if I needed to to get to her.

They keep chasing the ducks and geese on the canal. That's the problem but I think she just slipped this time as it was muddy.
( girlinthehole, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 19:44, Reply)

It'll be full of jonnies

(Bazongaloid, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 19:45, Reply)

Bonus!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 19:45, Reply)

The Commonwwealth Games toilets have all been blocked up
with condoms.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 19:46, Reply)

Really?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 19:47, Reply)

Yep!
www.guardian.co.uk/sport/2010/oct/07/commonwealth-games-delhi-condom-drains
(Bazongaloid, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 19:52, Reply)

Ha!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 19:54, Reply)

I thought athletes weren't meant to do the dirty when they were about to compete?

(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 20:00, Reply)

I don't care if it was full of crocodiles.
She's fab.
( girlinthehole, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 19:47, Reply)

I just had to rescue a canal from a dog
(may contain lies)
(Miraclefish How appropriate, you fight like a cow, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 19:46, Reply)

You're quite a looker
It's a shame you like Motorbikes, or I'd recommend you to BGB
(Bazongaloid, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 19:53, Reply)

Pfft! to good looking for me.
I like the a bit rough around the edges.
( girlinthehole, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 20:05, Reply)

My edges are rough as sandpaper baby
(I'm all gritty an' that)
(Miraclefish How appropriate, you fight like a cow, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 9:16, Reply)

If I'm feeling lazy
In other words, normally - I just take the dogs to the canal and let them swim.

My dogs are swimming dogs though - not a known trait in Jack Russells.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 20:00, Reply)